Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Featured Category:
Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.




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Dancing in the Darkness
It was a normal day just like any other day went to school and everyday my friend dave would drive me home but today was different. I got into his car like normal and we talked about the day and everything seemed to be going fine but then he said hey were going to do something a little different today, I was just thinking going to eat or something crazy so I went along with it but told him I had to be home by 330. We started driving and he got on the high way I thought this was kinda strange but didn't say anything. after about 15 minutes he pulled off to the side of the highway in a very woods area. He got out of the car and whipped open my door and shoved me out and pulled me into the woods I tried to fight him off but he was twice my size and very strong. He pulled me into the woods and tied me down to two logs and raped me. I could feel pain all over my body when he was done he grabed a stick and thrusted it up my body. The pain was growning I couldn't get out. When he was finished he left me there bleeding ready to die. Luckily a nice women pulled over to see if we needed any help with the car and saw that I was tied up and she immediatly called the police. The police came and arrested dave and took me to the hospitial. With the damage done I am now not able ot have any children and till this day I am mentally and phiscally scared for life. I just want to get my story out there so people will look out for the signs of rape stay away don't make the same mistake.
by lucyon 2 Dec 2004

I can't believe I am posting this for the world to know. Although, maybe this will help heal me. Who knows?? The man who raped me was the man I was married to. There is no way I could call him a husband. That night he came home and told me he was going to divorce me but not for a couple weeks. I was devastated but, I went to bed because I had to go to work the next morning. I just assumed he was going to sleep in the living room, but instead he came into the bedroom. I was horrified. What next? When I saw he was naked I was mortified. He said, "This is my bed too so I have the right to sleep in it." The next thing I knew it was happening...I couldn't believe it...I was scared to scream or do anything. The whole while he was saying I love you..I love you. He hurt my pubic bone; I felt the intense pain as he thrust himself on me. Why didn't I just get up and go get into the bed with one of my step-daughters? Maybe then it wouldn't have happened. When I rose the next morning I was in shock still and in lots of pain. But I prepared for work and left. Two hours after arriving at work here comes a private server... serving me divorce papers...It was then that I fell apart. I did nothing to this man to make him do this to me. That day I left the house and that week I had nightmares about cockroaches crawling and trying to get into my panties to my genitalia... It was a battle keeping them away because I didn't want to even touch the nasty creatures. I woke up gasping for air, my chest hurting, I was crying. How could I ever have a quality friendship or relationship with any man much less think about marriage and intimacy was shattered. The chances of intimacy completely disappeared. I have had two failed marriages since then. Is this the real reason why the marriages failed?? I tried to put it behind me, because I was determined this man was not going to destroy me.. And here it is seven years later and still the memory will not go away. I hope he reads this, because he will know who he is.. Does he even know what a crummy person he is??? Did he think he was doing me a favor or showing me what I would miss??? I know God will deal with him for what he did to me. I pray for a wholesome relationship with a man someday...A true love...I know it exists because God never changes and when he says something he means it...He keeps his promises too...Next week I am going to meet a man I have been emailing through a Christian website...Can I trust him not to hurt me? Is he who he says he is? Is he an imposter or deceiver too? Should I chance it? What do I do? I know God will take care of my needs if I will just let him. This man sounds sincere but guess what, here I am writing about what the ex-husband did, so when will I ever be set free? I know the enemy is whispering things into my ear because God does not work that way. I believe it was the enemy that told me it was okay to stay in bed and that everything would be alright. I should have seen it coming I always tell myself.. When does it end?
by suzqon 1 Dec 2004

Well Iím 14 now and everything started when I was about 6. My mom had just got married again to this nice guy, I liked him for the most part until he started coming into my room at night about a year later. He told me that it was ok and that I had done nothing wrong, it was just me showing him that I cared about him. It continued, but only a couple nights a week...then when I was about 10 he started getting more aggressive and violent. I cried a lot...he started getting lazy and would even fall asleep in my bed. I was so mad at my mom for not noticing it. I thought she didn't care...thatís when I started cutting. He died last year September 17, 2003. I am still living with these horrible thoughts and nightmares...I haven't told anyone yet. But I want to tell my mom. I just canít think of any way to say it to her or anybody for that fact.

So if you have any advice please e-mail me lndsy_ruiz@yahoo.com.
by lindsayon 29 Nov 2004

I've been reading through some of these stories and thought everyone is really brave for being able to tell everyone about their story. I too have been sexually abused, physically, verbally and mentally abused by my dad and cousin (thatís the same age as me).
My mom and dad are divorced since before I was even born. But I have never liked my dad. Luckily I live with my mom. Every month I had to go visit my dad and in the summers for 6 weeks and on holidays. I was abused since I was 5-10 yrs. old and I am 14 and just speaking up now. It's so incredibly hard to talk to people about what happened and I'm just starting to get everything out. I get major flashbacks and feelings and memories sometimes. I've been cutting myself for about 1 yr. now and I party all the time to help me forget about everything. My mom just recently found out about a month ago and it's been really weird lately. I've kept everything inside and as a result I'm very quiet, always lost in thoughts and I feel I've missed out on so much. I only wish my life were different. I can't get past all the thought around it being my fault, being ashamed, mad, hurt and depressed all the time. I wonít tell any of my friends because I don't know how I could handle it all and thatís just something I rather them not know. I've only told 3 people but now 5 people know because they couldn't hide it. I don't show my arms because I'm so ashamed. I have so many scares on my left arm and lots more on my left where my watch goes. I still am not able to type everything out on the computer her, I'm just so messed up.
If you have any comments or just anything to say please e-mail me at littleredrobin1@hotmail.com
by *Trying to Find a Purpose*on 29 Nov 2004

When I was 19 I was working as a lifeguard at a local pool. I was cleaning the guy's bathroom one night after we had closed the pool and this old homeless man came in and started to stare at me. He then went to a stall and peed and left. It was a little weird but thought nothing of it, it had happened, a guy walks in while you are cleaning, no big deal. But I was so wrong. We finished cleaning and all went to our respective cars. I drove a Jeep at the time, an open top Jeep. I was the last one to leave since I was manager and had to lock up; when I got to my car I got in and started it, buckled up and put the car in gear...then that old homeless man popped up in the back seat with a long piece of metal at my neck. He told me to drive to the back of the pool house and park the car. I did it because he said he would cut me if I didn't. He made me turn of the car and give him the keys. I started to cry and asked him if he would please let me go home and he said I owed him my life and needed to earn it back before I went home. He told me to strip, and I did. He then made me get out of the car and go to the playground. It was really late and dark and there were no lights. I kept falling on things and he would jerk me up and hit me then tell me to keep moving or I would pay. Finally we get to the slide and he says to sit. He then strips off his pants and says that I am to give him oral right now or else. I say please no, just let me go home and he cut me across the chest with the metal in his hand. He said he wouldn't be so nice next time. So I did it. Then he said to lie down and he was inside me...I screamed and he cut my face and said to shut up or he wouldn't stop and then he would kill me. So I tried to muffle my screams but he just kept pushing into me...it seemed like hours. Later when he was done...he walked me to my car with that metal in my back and I tripped on the curb. He said I did "fu*k him well enough" and didn't deserve to live, he then threw himself on top of me and I screamed, then he cut me across my stomach. He left. I cried and then I guess I passed out. I was found the next morning by a co-worker who called 911, I spent two weeks in the hospital...and I have to live with this everyday of my life. I have found no comfort from faith friends or family. I am now unable to have children, he took away my ability to have kids! That was my ambition in life...Why did he do that? The police never found him...but there are 4 other women in my area with similar stories so I was not the first, but maybe he has died and I was the last. Either way, it canít be undone. Itís not fair, but I tell you so you will see that even the most ordinary things can be dangerous and you should never be alone at night. I will never have children or family. The love of my life broke off our engagement because I was "spoiled and emotionally ruined". So I feel I have lost my life to this rape. Please be careful, and tell your story so that others can learn from it. Thanks for reading my story.
by Lenee from Seatle on 29 Nov 2004

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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