I'm not even sure if this even counts. I guess it does, it was unwanted. Anyway, it happened twice (I still can't call it 'rape'), by my then boyfriend. We had been living together for over a year and had been sexually active. One night, while still in the haze of sleep, I felt him roll over. Next thing I knew, he was inside me. I was just shocked. I couldn't say anything. I didn't want this, I wasn't even asked. It was just asumed that he could because I was his girlfriend. Soon he finished, rolled over and went back to sleep. I just laid there and silently cried myself to sleep. The next day I wasn't the same. I was studying art at college, and a friend of mine noticed that I wasn't the same. Because I knew that she had been raped, I talked to her about it. I told her that I felt like I had been raped. I felt violated. I felt like my trust for this person was gone, and their respect for me was also gone. She told me to confront my boyfriend, which I did. I told him about how it made me feel. He apologised, and I put it in the back of my mind. A few months later, the same thing happened again. In the middle of the night while I was asleep.
We've broken up now, and I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years. It has effected our sex life. It was only a few months ago that I told him about what happened. He said that it made sense, as I become really tense sometimes when he wants sex. So many times I have just let him have me, as I want to make him happy. I would want to cry and scream, but instead I would lie there, silently crying either during or after, thinking about how dirty and disgusting I am. Since I've told him, I've been more open with him about when I want to and don't, and he's very understanding (thankfully).
This is the first time that I've written about it. I don't know if it counts, I guess it does. When I read it, it sounds like rape. I just never thought that word would be attached to me.
by Nattyon 21 Dec 2004
It's always hard this time of the year because I am constantly reminded of what happened to me 7 years ago. There was a Christmas party at my house that was thrown by my parents. Lots of people getting drunk, loud Christmas type music, food, everybody having a good time. I was allowed to stay up a little later but in the end my parents thought it was better that I went to bed. I could still hear it all going on downstairs and wanted to be involved but I was obediant and went to bed. While in bed a family friend kept coming into my room making excuses he was going to the toilet, he kept bringing me food and soft drinks from downstairs and kept telling me how bad my parents were not letting me be downstairs. We were talking and he made me feel alot better, he must of come to see me about 5 times and I really looked forward to it. The party got louder and I was very tired but longed for that quiet knock on my bedroom door. He started to say things like your bed looks nice and that he'd like to cuddle up with me if I'd let him. I don't know whether I said yes or no, I just remember his hands rubbing up and down my thighs and a tingling feeling in between my legs as he touched my privates and climbed into bed with me. It continued for five or so minutes then he just got up and left. I dread parties and him just seeing me now. Reading some of the stories on here it could have been alot worse, but the thoughts of it sometimes comes back aand haunts me.
by Eve on 20 Dec 2004
hi.. first of all.. thanks for this site, actually makes me feel sane. last night, i think i was raped. i was stonned and drunk so i was pretty out of it. i stayed over at a friends house and was about to fall asleep when this guy *chris asked me into the room where he was staying. he is a friend of mine and also the guy my best mate is with. when i went in there he asked me to sleep next to him just incase another friend of ours came in to sleep there coz he doesnt really like her. i agreed and tried to sleep. he started touching my leg and the next thing u no he was inside me. i asked him to stop coz i am in another relationship and its not fair on my best friend. to that all he said was just dont cry rape... but im gonna do it wether u like it or not.. and thats exactally what he did. he got up and left once he was finished and i went back to the couch. things will never be the same now. i cant say anything it will ruin way too much and i doubt anyone will believe me. i cant tell my boyfriend, it is his 21st birthday tomorrow and it will wreck him to no what happend. i feel like i have cheated on him. was i raped... i didnt say no once he was in me, i knew i didnt have much of a choice, he stated that himself but i couldve physicaly hurt him, or tryed to but i didnt.
by Rachealon 19 Dec 2004
My boyfriend was over my house one summer day we were watching Sream. We were kissing THEN!!!! he just stopped and sat there for a moment. He got up and went to the bathroom, came out and walked up to me as I got up he slaped me. Than pushed me onto the couch he was pulling down my pants and unbottoned his as I was sreaming (WHAT ARE YOU DOING). He said"Shut up BIC-H",and started to touch me all over. Started to rape me harder and harder. FROM THAT DAY ON THE PAIN REMAINS THE SAME.
by Bethon 19 Dec 2004
I have been living with this emotional pain for such a long time and I think it is time that I finally said something. I have only told my best friends about what had and still sometimes happened to me. I'll try to make this as short as possible... ok here it goes... I was 6yrs old at the time when it first happened. I was home alone with my grandpa. My dad and my brothers were gone. I was playing in my room, when my grandpa came in and told me that my dad had said that i needed to take a nap. Being young an dumb I listened to him, knowing that my dad had said so. Before I got into be my grandpa called me to his room. He had told me that he had something he wanted to give me. When I got to his room he had some candy on his bed. I took some and wanted to leave his room. He told me he wanted to keep an eye on me, so he told me to sleep in his bed. I was kind of asleep when I felt that my pants were being pulled off of me. I still pretended that I was sleeping. He then began to touch me all over, head to toe. I then just opened my eyes and got up. He still did not let me leave the room. He then took out his penis and told me to lick it. I was confused but I refused to do it. For the next or for the past 9 1/2 yrs. my grandpa has been sexually harassing and molesting me. I have not told my dad or my brothers or any of my family members. I haven't told my dad because my dad loves my grandpa sooo much and I don't want to hurt my dads feelings. Even if it hurts me every single day. I don't want to see my dad sad. My grandpa is 77 now. I'm 16yrs old now, much more mature than the past years. This situation has left me scared in many ways. At one time it came to a point that I wanted to commit suicide. But I now realize that I am much stronger then that. I have become emotionally stronger. Writing this has been the hardest but also the best thing that I have done. I hope my story touched at least 1 person. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening.
by Samantha on 16 Dec 2004
Prev | 1 | | 2 | | 3 | | 4 | | 5 | | 6 | | 7 | | 8 | | 9 | | 10 | | 11 | | 12 | | 13 | | 14 | | 15 | | 16 | | 17 | | 18 | | 19 | | 20 | | 21 | | 22 | | 23 | | 24 | | 25 | | 26 | | 27 | | 28 | | 29 | | 30 | | 31 | | 32 | | 33 | | 34 | | 35 | | 36 | | 37 | | 38 | | 39 | | 40 | | 41 | | 42 | | 43 | | 44 | | 45 | | 46 | | 47 | | 48 | | 49 | | 50 | | 51 | | 52 | | 53 | | 54 | | 55 | | 56 | | 57 | | 58 | | 59 | | 60 | | 61 | | 62 | | 63 | | 64 | | 65 | | 66 | | 67 | | 68 | | 69 | | 70 | | 71 | | 72 | | 73 | | 74 | | 75 | | 76 | | 77 | | 78 | | 79 | | 80 | | 81 | | 82 | | 83 | | 84 | | 85 | | 86 | | 87 | | 88 | | 89 | | 90 | | 91 | | 92 | | 93 | | 94 | | 95 | | 96 | | 97 | | 98 | | 99 | | 100 | | 101 | | 102 | | 103 | | 104 | | 105 | | 106 | | 107 | | 108 | | 109 | | 110 | | 111 | | 112 | | 113 | | 114 | | 115 | | 116 | | 117 | | 118 | | 119 | | 120 | | 121 | | 122 | | 123 | | 124 | | 125 | | 126 | | 127 | | 128 | | 129 | | 130 | | 131 | | 132 | | 133 | | 134 | | 135 | | 136 | | 137 | | 138 | | 139 | | 140 | | 141 | | 142 | | 143 | | 144 | | 145 | | 146 | | 147 | | 148 | | 149 | | 150 | | 151 | | 152 | Next
This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.