I don’t know if I was raped or not but anyways. My stepbrother had always been a little touchy to me and always saying sexual things. One night he was drinking and so I started too. I got drunk and threw up on myself I asked him to get me a change of clothes, he did and when I changed he tried to stay. After a while when we were sitting outside smoking he pulled down his pants and made me feel his penis, then he told me he wanted to have sex with me. I told him no but when he said it again I said after everybody goes to bed. We were sitting outside chain smoking when he leaned in and kissed me. I pushed away but he kept doing it again. After about 30 minutes every body went to bed and he then asked me to go inside with him and watch t.v. so I did. Next thing I knew he was rubbing my legs then moving on to my breast. I told him to stop but he didn’t so I started to push him away. He told me I was a stupid little bitc* and I was a slu*. He then lifted me up and put me on the couch. I thought he was kidding until he pulled down my pants and tried to give me oral sex. Then he started to pull down his pants to next thing you know he’s inside me. I told him to stop but he didn't. I feel like such a sl*t because I didn't yell but anyways. I asked him to please stop again because it hurt. He ignored me and I passed out I wake up the next morning with my shirt almost all the way of and my pants down. I still wonder if I was really raped or if it was all a dream. Although I haven’t told anyone I am so sure it was real I can still fill the pain and smell him and hear him breathing hard.
by amber on 3 Jan 2005
On September 26, 2003 my life was changed forever. I was raped by the guy I was seeing and three of his friends.
The night started out with me getting picked up by Bryan and Chris. Bryan, the guy I had been seeing for about two months was around 21-22, a good height, a few heads taller then me and I’d say around 200 pounds. Chris was his friend who I was meeting for the first time that night. He’s about 5 foot 10, a head and a half smaller then Bryan, red hair with sharp features. They picked me up in front of CVS in Chris’s Mercedes. On the way to Bryan’s house in East Boston we talked about how I had just got out of the hospital for trying to commit suicide. Bryan seemed very concerned about me as he always had been.
When we arrived at Bryans house, Chris came in with us which I found odd because I thought that it was just going to be Bryan and me. When we got inside Mike, Bryan’s roommate was there. We ended up just sitting around the kitchen table talking about music and drugs. Chris brought up cocaine and I mentioned I’d always wanted to try it. At the mention of me wanting to try cocaine Chris whispered something to Bryan, who quickly said he would go into his “office” in the basement and get some.
While Bryan was gone Mike and Chris started talking to me about how great my body was. Chris started talking to me about how I would be an awesome stripper because I danced at my school and because I was hot. I remember feeling really uncomfortable talking to Chris about my body and sexual things because I was with Bryan. Mike and Chris continued talking about sexual things, much to my protest until Bryan came back and then they stopped.
Bryan returned with a bag of cocaine. Chris put it on the glass kitchen table and separated it into 7 lines. Bryan then took out a dollar bill and rolled it so that I could snort it. I got shy and asked Chris to do a line before I did one. Chris snorted two lines and then I snorted four and he did the final line. Throughout me snorting the coke I remember all three of the guys saying “good girl.”
When the coke was finished Bryan left the room to attend to something. I was feeling really uncomfortable being left alone with Mike and especially Chris. I took a shot of Vodka to try to calm my nerves. There was music playing and so we all got up and started dancing. Mike and Chris were trying to take my cloths off and I kept saying no. Bryan came and since he had more influence on me started dancing with me and eventually got my shirt off without a huge amount off force but with a lot of talking into.
Bryan then left the room and told me to stay in the kitchen with Mike and Chris. To get away from the two of them but not be too obvious I got on a chair on the other side of the room and started dancing with myself. Right as I got on the chair the coke kicked in. I started getting dizzy and Mike and Chris took notice of my mood change and came over to me and forcefully removed my skirt and bra. I immediately started calling for Bryan to come and get me. Bryan came in and pushed Mike and Chris off of me. Bryan picked me up started kissing me. I took that as a sign that everything was going to be ok and I let down my guard and relaxed.
The next thing I remember was running to get out of the room completely naked and Mike picking me up and throwing me at the kitchen table. I remember slamming my head off the corner and seeing Mike come at me. Then Mike holding me by the waist so I was facing him and forcing himself into me. I remember looking over his shoulder feeling myself holding back vomit and watching Chris and Bryan get naked.
When Mike was finished I fell onto the floor and Chris stuck his penis in my mouth telling me that if I bit him he’d make me regret it. While Chris was forcing me to do that Bryan had come up behind me and was proceeding to have sex with me while I was on my hands and knees. I remember having enough strength to get up and push Bryan off of me. The minute I stood up Bryan grabbed me by the waist and put me back on the floor and laid on me. At the time I was only 92 pounds, I remember feeling his 200 pound body pound its way into my little 92 pound one.
Bryan helped me stand up and handed my then shaking body to Chris who led me to a chair and told Bryan and Mike to leave. I was shaking and could barely stand much less sit still. Chris started to get angry and forced me on-top of him and started pumping me up and down. I tried scratching his face but he grabbed my hands saying “I don’t think so Princess.” He held my hands with one of his hands and bounced me with the other. I couldn’t even look at him- I was in a different place trying to get away in my head. He took his hand off my hip and clasped my chin making me look into his eyes and told me to call him daddy. I looked away and bit my lip to keep from crying and he told me again very strongly again. I did quietly out of fear and he came.
Chris left the room leaving me there alone in the dark kitchen. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower wanting to rinse them off of me. Without thinking I got in. I must have blacked out in the shower because the next thing I knew there was someone I didn’t know in there with me.
I smelled marijuana and looked out of the bathroom and saw Bryan, Mike and Chris smoking and someone I didn’t recognize was in the bathroom getting naked and stepping into the shower. He was telling the other guys that I was sexy and that they should have called him earlier. I started to protest and yell that I was done and to leave me alone, that I wanted to go home but Chris just came into the bathroom and told me to do it for him and shut the door.
I was alone in the bathroom soaking wet in a shower with Chris and some guy whose name I think is Donnie. Chris watched as Donnie put one hand over my mouth and turned me around so my stomach was pressed up against the soap rack in the shower. He kissed my neck and he held me still as he, much to my protest inserted himself in me. I blacked out again and woke up being carried by Bryan into his room. Once in Bryan’s room Mike, Chris and Donnie all took me over at once while Bryan watched. Chris kept telling me to do things for him and I kept screaming for Bryan to help me. At one point when Donnie was on me hurting me worse then I’ve ever been hurt before and Chris and Mike were doing other things Bryan told them to stop and that I’d had enough.
Bryan kicked them all out his room and immediately started apologizing and getting me dressed. He left me alone to “get myself together” and told me to meet him out in the car. I went out to the car and all four of them were sitting in the car smiling at me and looking at me like I was a piece of meat. When they dropped me off Bryan got out of the car and kissed me on the forehead and said, “I’m sorry Princess.”
It’s been over a year and nothings been done to bring me justice. These four men are still walking around Boston and possibly doing this to other girls. I was 15 when this happened and they were all in their early 20’s.I reported the incident to the police and filed charges with the District Attorney. The DA decided that I wasn’t credible because I had had previous sexual interactions with Bryan and because the way I described it came off as me initiating the situation. Many girls get raped and most of them are not recognized and they are ashamed.I’m not ashamed of what happened to me, I want people to know my story so they can prevent it from happening it to them. Women have to be strong and recognize a bad situation and if something happens not be ashamed to talk about it.
by Callyon 30 Dec 2004
I doubt you get many guys in here but I found this group and decided to post me experences as a boy growing up. I am 26 now but when I was 10 I was sent to a foster home after my mom went to jail, I never knew my dad. The first 2 foster homes were just temperary only a month or two at each one but the last one was to be permenent. This was the worst one. It was a younger couple he was 39 and she was 34. He was always at work and she was a stay at home house wife. They didnt have any kids of their own. About a week or so after I moved in with them she became alot meaner to me and was always corecting me for things she said I had done wrong. For the first month or so this ment making me stand in the corner for a long time or sitting in my room on the edge of the bed. But then she got meaner and one night I had forgot to bring the mail in and it was raining realy hard and it got wet. She was yelling at me cause of this and the phone ring, It was her husband. I heard her tell him what I had done and then say to him that he was going to spank me when he got home. I guess he was working late cause she said then I will let Bill (her uncle) do it when he brings my movie over. About a hour pased and I was sitting in my room and they walked in. I was ready for bed and had my pj's on. She walked to the side of my bed and pulled me up and bent me over the side of the bed. I could see Bill taking off his belt and then I felt her pull my pj bottems down. I was so scared now. Bill walked behind me and put his hand on my butt and patted it for a few seconds then He said this is what I have been waiting for, and smacked my but with the belt many times. When I thought they were done I layed over on my bed and I felt their hands on my butt and back I dont remember how long they did this but it was awhile. Then I heard her say I think he has had enough for now but come over tomorow night cause Roger (her husband) is working late and we will see if he needs any more. This isnt as far as this went but I will wait to post any more I dont want to offend anyone. Please feel free to reply and tell me if it is ok to post more on this. Thanks I have only told one person about this my live in girlfriend, it feels good to get it out.
by Brian on 30 Dec 2004
My abuse started when I was about six or seven. My father who was always tickling me and staring at me in the bathtub began to touch me and make me touch him. He made me kiss his penis and then he would rub his penis against my vagina. It progressed to making me perform oral sex on him. Thank God he never penetrated me with his penis but he would lay on top of me with his penis between my closed legs and just before he finished pumping me he would climb up and force it in my mouth. My mother walked in on us once but quickly closed the door. I am an adult now and even though she denies ever knowing I can't forgive my mother for allowing it to go on for almost 10 years. My father is gone now and the only thing he left me is a feeling of worthlessness.
by marleneon 28 Dec 2004
I was in 3rd and 4th grade old enough to know better. My cousin lived w/us he was 3 years older. He came into my room and asked me "you want to be a grown up?" I said "hell yea" trying to sound cool to myself and him. He told me to lay by him and he was going to show me something. I asked him how and he said “do you want to know or not?" I told him I did and he said “okay but remember you wanted this" and he proceeded to touch me in my most private parts. And after time he started "dry humping" my leg and I felt so used and disgusted. He performed oral sex also. I’m 17 years old now and I still haven’t told my parents mainly b/c I want it all to go away, and also I feel it is my fault. I could of stopped him but I didn’t and that is still hard to deal with.
by veronicaon 27 Dec 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.