What is worse than Death? Rape, molestation! Fear is how they Control! Any unwanted physical contact is rape. Molestation is the same thing but between family. I like this site a lot. My boyfriend found it and said to take a look so here I am.
My abuse started when I was just 4 or 5 years old. The son (between 6 and 8) of my baby sitter’s did it. I thought he was cute but I didn’t know what he was doing. He said it was ok. I blacked out most of it.
My father was physically abusive. To this day I still have marks on my body where he has hit me. Broken blood vessels that were left when he beat me with his hands, belts and a wire hanger. All this for not being good, fighting with my sister, reading late at night, you name it I got hit for it.
The real kicker was my biological father at the age of 12. I will never forget it whether my eyes are open or closed. Summer time I just finished middle school, hot, on the weekend about 1 in the morning. I’m total nude. I awaken by getting kissed on my back. It tickles at first, then the alarm goes off in my head and I turn over. He’s kneeling by the edge of my bed. “What daddy?” (that phrase still makes me sick to my stomach) I don’t really remember what he said until I started shaking and crying begging “please daddy…, don’t daddy…” He told me in his matter of fact “STOP, BE QUIET!” as he stood up. He took the covers off me and kept asking “do you like that?” as he touched me. Puke is not even close to what I wanted to do. He knelt at the foot of my bed and began to touch, finger, lick. All I could think of was “wake up please wake up!” Finally after what seemed forever he got up and said “did you like that?” There was movement on the stair and he quickly covered me up and went to see what it was.
To add insult to injury my mother comes in and says “Baby are you ok now is everything better?” as if that was suppose to make me feel better. (NO she didn’t know what happened, he told her I was sick and he was checking on me.) It took me a month to tell her what happened and actually she asked me after I told a friend what happened and she told her mom and her mom told my mom.
After that I was self-destructive. I slept around with different men. I put my self in situations that got me in more trouble and yes more abuse. I hung with the wrong people. Got in trouble.
My mom finally told me something that I will never forget. “Damn it! You can be a victim all your life or you can be a survivor… which do you want to be?” and that is what I ask all of you hear which do you want to be? Choose a victim or a survivor.
I choose to survive. I am proud of that and proud of all who have left their stories as well as those that visit. It is all a form of help. Death is not an option and neither is being a victim.
Yes I have awakened it the middle of the night screaming in a cold sweat there again. I have no doubt that it will happen again. No I don’t trust people as far as my finger. And the person who created the statement “That’s Life” needs to be shot. Because, RAPE and MOLESTATION should not be a part of life. But I am a SURVIVOR.
by Maiyshaon 12 Jan 2005
Hello... so I’m guessing it's best for me to write my story! Well my mother has been in and out of relationships but she got married when I was 9. My step-father was very sweet. He had two girls of his own along with my mother’s three kids (my older sister, younger brother, and I) things were absolutely perfect. I mean we were a family!! One day my step-father told me to kiss him on his lips. I didn't think too much about it because he was ''daddy''. Well eventually he made me kiss him with my tongue. I use to be the first child to get home so my step-father would make me take my naps in his bed he soon began to touch me. Weeks following he began to rape me. He threated to kill me if I ever thought of telling anyone. I seriously believed him because he held my mother at gunpoint! Soon after, my mother was tired of his abuse so she divorced him! I’m 16 now I recently told my mother when my sweet 16 came around. The man who raped me (repeatedly) is in jail today because he raped his biological daughter at gunpoint also! He has 60yrs to life so now I feel somewhat safe. I cannot trust a male which will eventually affect me but I’m working on it! To all victims of sexual abuse please don't be afraid to tell because it will effect you trust me I know! Be strong, be safe, be cautious because this was a man I put my trust into and he took it all away in the blink of an eye!
by vikkion 12 Jan 2005
Ok, my story in a brief summery. I was sexually abused by me father. When I say sexual abused it was just touching and kissing, nothing penetrative. I told this to my first proper boyfriend when I was 16. He was really understanding but he told his friend. I only found out about this coz a year later, after we broke up I started dating the same friend. He told me he knew, that it had been too much for *** to deal with by himself. He told me we should go somewhere quiet so we could talk about it, then he raped me. So I guess I'm the ultimate victim, sexually abused, betrayed confidence, raped. But I'm not. That was just a small part of my life. I've achieved so much; I am so much, not just the product of a couple unpleasant experiences. It hurts but if you let it take over your life you will always be the victim. In the great scheme of things it’s not the worse that can happen, you can still have a normal relationship. When it creeps in and I think of what happened I just think of everything else that has been my life. I'm 23 and I've done and achieved a lot. My life is more than what those people did. I suppose I'm rambling but I do have a point. Don’t let 1, 2, 3 however many experiences take over your life
by bon 12 Jan 2005
Both my parents sexually abused me. I feel like a freak. I have never been loved by anyone and I am convinced that I never will be. I no longer keep in contact with any of my family (especailly my parents). Everyday I wonder what I did so wrong to get parents like them. I wonder whats so evil in me and about me to make them do this to their baby girl.
I am 24 now and the flashbacks are so intense it feels like its happening all over again. I tried committing suicide every year since age 9. This year I was going to do it as a Christmas present to myself. But On Christmas Eve I decided not to. I promised myself I won't give up hope. Maybe one day someone won't see me as damaged goods. Maybe one day someone will see something inside me thats loveable.
Maybe one day I'll actually be loved...and someone will be nice to me. I know the chances of that ever happeining are slim to none...but isn't that what hope is? Believing when there is nothing to believe.
I've always been told I was filthy and dirty. Worthless and weak. I may be filthy, dirty, unlovable, and worthless...but weak I am not. To decide to not end all my pain and misery in suicide...and to remain hopeful that maybe one day I will be special to just one person...takes more courage and strength than survivng the abuse.
If you feel you can't take anymore, please hang on. Don't let them have the power to steal your very life. Cling to a hope, find a hope and strive to achieve that hope. Don't give up...don't give in. Keep fighting. I wish there was more I could say to encourage you in your pain...I'm sorry I can't heal you or make all the bad memories go away...but if it helps, I know what you're going through. You're not alone.
by F.on 11 Jan 2005
I was abused by my father from the ages of 6-14. He would come in my room at night and masturbate near me in the darkness. I would pretend I didn't hear him. Then things got worse, he moved up to oral and anal sex. One time he raped me vaginally. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. I can't even begin to describe the horror I lived through. He would feed me Valium and Percocet and Xanax.
by Sad fairy on 10 Jan 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.