Hi.. I have used this site a couple of times but this time Iím calling for help.. I ruined a relationship with the one guy, a year later it still feels like he is the only one I will ever love, because I used sex as a coping mechanism. I cheated on him numerous times, Iíve learnt now I was protecting myself from getting hurt again but he hasnít. He despises me a lot, but I just want him to understand. If there is ANYONE who knows what it feels like to be a loved one of a survivor in any way possible can you please email me so I can pass some information on to him and hopefully help him understand my rather confusing and wicked ways. Thanks
by Rachealon 18 Jan 2005
I was molested by my stepdad brother when I was 11. He lived with us because he was a drunk and couldnít get a job...after he left my stepdad started doing it. I tried to tell my mom but she didnít believe me...it didnít stop until I left the house 7 months ago...I told the police but they were no help...everyone on my momís side of the family pretends like it didn't happen...I'm now living with my grandma (dadís mom) until I finish high school...I was abandoned by my mother for a man who hurt me for 5 years of my life...and she still makes me see her every other week...she even took me to the house once when he was home...I cant tell her that I never want to talk to her again...I donít want to hurt anyone...I guess that makes me sorta stupid...I'm just trying not to let it ruin my life...but its so very hard...
by Ellie on 17 Jan 2005
I donít like calling it sexual assault but deep down I know it was .
it was 3 yrs ago and I was round a friends house me and my friend were sitting on stool chatting then this 45 yr old man came over and kissed my friend on the cheek he then asked me to kiss him on the lips I said no and he grabbed me buy the wrists dragged me to the living room and kissed me twice and put his hand up my shirt and then put me on his lap and touched my privates and touched my chest again I struggled to get of and he did it again and he said to me your a good girl and laughed made me shiver my friend pulled me away and we went into the next room .
last year I told my mum because I was so scared and ashamed and I still am to this day the bruises and marks have gone but the pain remains inside :-(
by Anonymouson 16 Jan 2005
Hi , this site is great!! well a lot of things happened to me as a child I was molested by a cousin when I was 8 and again by him at 9 and he tried at 13 but it wasn't happening then. When I was 10 my stepfather would lay by me when my mother was at work and rub my chest and ask me if I knew what horny was, his son on numerous occassions had violated me as a teen there was attemps but by then I was hard and cold and it wasn't happening, but the fact it has seemed to happen my whole life has lead me into a spirialing downward life. I dont have a sexual life,I feel disgusting,It never helped that I told when I was 8 and was told I was lying. I kept it all secret after that. I still have never told my mother what my step father did.they are divorced now have been for years. YAY. but I can not bring myself to tell her. I have 3 children and am married,but to have sex I have to have a few drinks in me if not I feel as if I am nasty.
I wish I could find the answer to ending that feeling for all of us!! thanks for listening
by Terenaon 16 Jan 2005
I'm writing from South Africa where I live. It is not my counrty of birth, I have no family around. I've been looking for a support group for rape survivors in my town but to no avail.
My story is truly horrific and yet it is a common occurrence in this country. I'll keep it short, just the facts, I struggle to cope with the fear.I was attacked in my house during the day by two men with knives while I was reading a magazine and drinking tea. It was an armed robbery, of the type which makes the headlines here daily. But it went further. I was left with my hands and ankles tied up in such way that a nerve in my wrist got smashed and my thumb was numb for months. Crunched on the floor I struggled for hours to free myself. I only managed to grab the phone with my teeth after biting on the kitchen cloth I was gaged with. The security company freed me eventually.
Three weeks later, on a same Friday, at the same time, the same guy came back, this time with another accomplice. They took more stuff from the house, tied me up quite loosely this time with an electric cable and raped me.
In this country rape means HIV, you don't argue. I was hospitalized and put under AZT treatment. Waiting for the test results was the most terrifying experience I ever had. Of the attacks themselves, I remained detached for a long time, feeling that it was someone else, that I was acting in a movie. Panic attacks kicked in later.
I had to flee my house, in this country you don't argue. They would've come back and kill me.
My sister in France accused me of telling her a story. She still doesn't believe it.
I'm suffering from PTSD and depression. I was sexually abused as a child and raped at the age of 14. Reading the stories posted on this site, I come to realise that I was raped more than once before. Abusive relationships emerge from my past as if I never faced them before for what they truly were. I'm told that I survived for a reason. It is as if knowing why would help,and yet...
Thanks for hearing.
by Jacquelineon 15 Jan 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.