Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.

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Dancing in the Darkness
When I was 11 my mother made me walk around with no clothes on for her boyfriend. This happened every Friday nigh. My mother blamed me. It's a long story. I'm 13 and no one to talk to.
by saraon 22 Jan 2005

It has been very hard for me to deal with what has happened to me. In reading these stories I have found a way to look at what has happened as a way to reach out to people who are going through this too, that is exactly what this site has done for me and before I start 'my story' I would like to thank all the people who have shared their stories and found the courage to write it out. I hope this isnít too long...
In late June of 2004, I was molested for several days by my step-fatherís stepdad, I called him papa. He came to OUR house and stayed the week for a mini vacation (he lives in Chicago). I was so excited and happy because this was a man I trusted and loved like my own grandfather. All though I was excited for his arrival, I was a little scary because a few months earlier, when my family and I went to visit him and other realities, we went swimming and I was soon left alone with only him. Long story short he held on to me and he put his fingers in between my bottom trap on my swim suit. So scared to tell anyone that I didnít, being scared of opening up a door I have never seen. I soon began to realize the looks he gave to me when no one else was around, the way he touched me wasnít like how he touched anyone else...but soon I buried all suspicion deep in my thoughts and over looked all signs that led up to the nights in June. He came into town and I was nothing but excited, later on that night I found him slowly moving his hand up and down my legs, we were in the living room and I prayed for my parents to walk in and disrupt this but he stopped and no way was I telling. A few hours later, it was time to go to sleep, I had to give up my room to papa, he asked me to watch TV with him, I couldnít deny a guest, so I turned on the TV in the living area outside of my room, he said no lets go watch it from the bed. So I hesitated to get up, but I did. I sat on my bed and he laid down. He began to caress my arms and I held on to my remote and kept changing the channels. I could only wonder what would happen next. He started to kiss my check, then moved close to my mouth, I pushed him and said no, that did not stop him. He moved his fingers from the outside of my clothes to my bare skin. His fingers soon found their way into my pant and I was terrified. I said no I yelled no and nothing stopped, it only got worse. He began to rub my breast and kiss me any where he pleased. All through this he said "donít tell anyone, no one, not even your best friend." I was so scared! This happened every night and every morning until Saturday (the 22 was a Tuesday). With every time we met, it seemed to get worse, I soon began to pretend I was asleep and kick and shove him off of me. I said no, and I never stopped saying it, one time when he kissed me I bit his tongue, nothing seemed to stop him, he held me down, and made me so scared. I was not planning on telling and to this day I donít know why I did, but I am happy I did tell. Papa denied all of what I said and then a few months later came forward to one night. To this day he has not fully claimed his actions and we have a court date soon in March. I am terrified. Even though I am physically fine, emotionally Iím a wreck. I have to constantly remind myself there will be a tomorrow, and sometimes I take the hurt and pain out on myself. In a way I feel like each one of those nights he was asking if a wanted to die a little bit, because that is exactly how I feel.
Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this, it means a lot to me.
by Lacyon 20 Jan 2005

I have to go to school tomorrow and this boy named M**c goes to my school. I have known him since the 3rd grade and we're both in the 9th grade now. I am afraid, no, terrified of him. I get chills just looking at him. Ever since 3rd grade he has sexually abused me by any way anybody can think of. He's stabbed me, chocked me, raped me, forced me to perform oral sex on him, everything. I kind of feel sick writing this down, but if I do maybe I can get some sleep because it's 1:07 in the morning. In the 6th all of the sixth graders went to 6th grade camp. It was fun, but after what Marc did I wanted to go home. The second night, Wednesday, February 11, 2001(I haven't forgotten) I was asleep in my room when I hear my bunkroom door open and close. I thought that it was my friend, Marissa, because she got up a lot that night to use the bathroom. I was half sleep, but I was aware of what was going on. Somebody had climbed to the top of my bunk and sat on top of me. When I opened my eyes M**c was sitting there with his little stupid smirk on his face. He told me that it had been about time I woke up. All he had on was black shorts and a white T-shirt. He climbed inside of my sleeping bag. Then he started pulling my night gown up. All the way up until my bra and panties showed. Then he pulled my bra up too. Then he took off his shirt I was confused at the moment because I was sleepy and I didn't know what he was doing until he started trying to pull my underwear down. I was going against him asking him so many times to please don't hurt me. He just kept on saying "Lay back and close your eyes and everything will be okay and it will be over before you know it." I wasn't letting go so he put his foot inside my panties and kicked them off of me. Then he pulled out his penis and I started crying. I got that felling in my stomach like when you're 3 years old and getting your shots. I grabbed the hand that he was holding his penis in and was using all my strength to push "it" away from me. Soon M**c grabbed the sides of my temples. I gabbed the other hand to pry it away from my skull. He put his legs in the middle of mine to open them up more then he literally forced his penis to go inside of me. I screamed and nobody woke up. He covered my mouth. The pain wasn't so bad at first, but then something inside of my vagina broke or something and the pain was so bad that I screamed more and more, but nobody could hear me because he was covering my mouth. Soon he had told me to just give up, that he was too strong. So I did. I stopped screaming, put my hands on the sides of my head, and gave up. I was crying even more it was hurting so bad. He laced his fingers into mine, but I didn't care. I just let the rest happen. Finally it was over and I could feel him coming inside of me. He forced me to kiss him then told me if I ever tell anybody he'd do this again. This is the person I'm gonna see tomorrow at school. And until I graduate out of college. He's followed me to every school. Now probably to college. He has been planning on raping me again because he said that I liked it and I wanted more. Well I hate him and hope that after college I won't ever have to see his evil face again. If you can give me advice, please do so. My mom might see it. Or M**c might know it to, see it, and come after me. Gracias
by Scaredon 19 Jan 2005

Eight years ago I was at a payphone when I was hit on my head and knocked unconscious. When I came to I was being dragged into a wooded area across dirt and rocks. Before I was fully aware of what was happening my clothes were being ripped off of my body. I was then raped and sodomized for three hours. But guess what? To me that is the easy part to get over. The hard part is living in Ventura County and being told by police and district attorneys that these things just don't happen out here. From the beginning I was the one who was on trial and had to prove my innocence for reporting this incident and blemishing Ventura County's good name.
After all the demeaning and degrading things that I was put through by the system they didn't even take my case to trial. Because I was using a payphone I was accused of being a hooker and my rapist said that I was only angry because I hadn't gotten paid.
I was I stay at home mom. This guy was an illegal alien who was represented by a great public defender. No one defended me or my family from harassing phone calls from investigators asking my mom and dad about my sexual history. I am angry and I just can't get over this rage inside me at the system. He only got deported. Nothing else not even a battery charge. Does anyone else out there have a similar story? I lost everything because of this. How do you find healing or closure with no justice?
by Ann Marieon 19 Jan 2005

Hi Iím writing to tell a tragic story of my worst nightmare here it goes. I was 16 and I went to stay with my boyfriend Nathan. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and gave him a kiss because he was leaving for work. His friend Justin was there with me we are friends. When he left 30 minutes later Justin grabbed my arm and slung me onto the kitchen table and ripped off my shirt then he pulled off my pants and put it inside of me. I cried and now a month later I have a beautiful son but Nathan still does not know.
by alexison 19 Jan 2005

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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