When I was 12, I vacationed out of the USA for the first time. During the trip, we stayed with friends and the oldest son acted as our "guide". He was 19 and my sister was 17, the two hit it off. But the boy also had a friend, who was 21.
We ended up going to this island that was supposed to be a theme park. You had to travel by boat and stay at the hotel there. We did. But when we arrived things were not as they were mentioned. Nothing was like the picture and the manager was a jerk. The worst part is, we could not leave the island for at least two days.
For some strange reason, the night we arrived, my mom allowed my sister and I to hang out with these guys around the pool. (I guess she thought we were safe). The four of us left the hotel and went by the beach. My sister took off with her new friend and left me with his 21 yr old sidekick.
For most of the trip, the 21 yr old kept hitting on me. I thought it was funny considering his age and mine. But that night he started telling me how he wanted to kiss me, to be that special person in my life, etc. I was freaking out inside. But when he leaned over to kiss me, I hauled off running.
I didn't stop running until I got to the hotel room. I didn't tell my mom that night. I was actually embarrassed. (I didn't want her to be upset with him.) This wasn't a good option because he could have tried again. I noticed the next day, he moped around like he was sorry for trying to "kiss" me.
I am outraged to think about what could have happened. And I am glad,I listened to my gut and decided to run. It would not have been much of a fight for a 100lb 12 yr old against a 200lb 21yr old, especially on a lonely, private island away from any form of police or a way off.
by Ellie on 29 Dec 2005
I don't know what this is called, but I know that now I feel so lost and confused. Two nights ago I became highly intoxicated. A friend was driving us around and I was in the back seat with another boy. We started kissing, and my friend in the front passenger seat warned me that I would regret this in the morning. So, I turned away. Everyone in the car got out at a park, but I stayed in the car because I could not walk. The boy I had been kissing stayed in the car with me. He started kissing my neck and I passed out. I woke up to find my jeans unbuttoned and him touching me. I tried to push his hand away, but I felt so weak. I moaned in protest, but I could not mutter any words. I passed out again and woke up to find me face to face with his penis. He grabbed the back of my head and pushed my mouth onto it. I turned my head away, but he grabbed my hair and held me down. I passed out again and woke up with my jacket, sweater, shirt, and bra off. I don't know how long we were alone, but when my friends returned to the car, he quickly dressed me, and leaned me against the car door. When my friends asked what happened, he said, "Nothing, we didn't do anything."
For the past two days, I have not been able to fall asleep. When I do fall asleep I have horrible nightmares. I know other people have been raped or molested by family or close friends, and their stories are more traumatic. But I cannot get over this, and I'm only 15. I feel like I can't tell anyone because they will believe I wanted this and it was my fault. I feel like it was my fault and that I'm the dirty one. I'm so ashamed...
by MeGaN on 29 Dec 2005
When I was 17 I started to date a 24 years old boy. I didn't know almost anything about him . He was telling me nice things, but he had strange friends, he was drinking a lot and gambling. These things I discovered later or too late. Once we were sitting in small pub. He ordered wine, and then another...When I stood up to go to the toilet I realized how drunk I was. He told me that he knew a perfect place where we could be alone. I just wanted to be with him, I was in love, naive but happy. He grabbed me and took outside. Still I wasn't afraid, I trusted him! We arrived to my house and then he pulled out keys from our cellar, opened it and threw me inside. He started to kiss me. I remember telling him:I don't want it! Again and again. I was virgin and I wanted to lose my virginity at nice place, prepared for it.
He raped me and had great fun of it.Telling me that now I was his girl, asking me if I liked it. I couldn't believe it! When I told him that I didn't want to see him any more, he started to swear and threaten me.
I didn't see him anymore but after maybe three weeks I was going home late, after dark. I realized that somebody was following me, so I turned and I saw HIS friend! He threw me against the wall telling me that he knew how great I was and he wanted me too. He raped me in brutal way.
I felt really alone after that, I didn't find anyone in my life who I could tell what happened to me. After few weeks I found out that I was pregnant. I had an abortion but the weeks after that were the worst in my life, I didn't want to live anymore.
It was in June 2003. In august I met an older boy, we started dating and I told him everything. He listened to me for hours and hours. And I slowly fell in love with him. Today we are still together and we are planning to have children. He helped me to get over it and I am really happy that there are still nice men in this world. Even now when I tell him I don't feel like having sex he understands. Thank God.
(Sorry for my English, it,s not my native language)
by Katyon 28 Dec 2005
If I could make one wish it would be that I should of stopped myself from walking out the house that night. I'm 15 years old and I was raped not long ago. I felt so dirty it was painful and horrible. The more I tried to fight him off, the more he was hurting me. I still have scars from that night, every time I'm in the shower I sit there wishing they would just go away, the memories, the scars I scrub myself clean but can never actually feel it. The rapists made me feel so dirty inside. At times I felt like I deserved it because I go round flirting with boys and don't wear the appropriate clothes an Indian girl should wear. I feel so alone, I'm afraid if I tell any of my friends they will laugh or something. I'm glad I found this website so I could open up. But no matter how much I write or say these nightmares will never go away. I feel nervous around guys at my school when someone tries to hug meIi will pull away. I find myself not being able to concentrate during lessons. I cannot tell anyone but I don't know what to do :(:(:(
I just feel so empty inside. All I keep thinking is how i said NO! why didnt they stop why?!
by annonomous on 27 Dec 2005
I am a victim of sexual abuse by a priest in Iowa while growing up. I was sent to the priest to be 'cured' of a bedwetting problem, in approximately 1970. I would find out later in life (age 21) that my parents knew of it and sided with the church's cover-up. I am 46 years old now, and I have only recently begun to realize the extent that my mind is messed up. I have avoided sexual contact for twenty years because I felt I needed to "replace the priest," rather than face the true wound of the spiritual damage done to me. In addition, I had a brother who underwent the same thing and turned to alcohol and ostrasizing me rather than support me; he needed me to "go away." I live each day in a life that borders on the suicidal, but that I have come to believe is worth living at times. Being an adopted child there is nothing that I wanted more in life than to belong to a loving and honest home with parents that cared for me. But they did not truly love...
by Steve C.on 25 Dec 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.