Hi, I am Beth, I am a survivor (who made up this word?) of childhood sexual abuse. My father, he used me for his own pleasures when I was around 11 or so until I was 15. Once I told my mom and she went to work that night and didn't even say goodbye. I was terrified that she would leave me with him forever so I told him what I had done. He said I lied and she believed him. My whole world fell apart, not only did he get to use me, she was lost to me. It saddens me to think she saw me as a liar and it really hurts. He has never said he was sorry or anything. I hate him but love him, he is my parent. His life has been heck, given up by age 2, foster homes all his life and abused. This doesn't give him reason to hurt me, how could he do that? I go to counseling and am trying to make some positive things come out of this life. I have PTSD and COE. This is very hard for me; I am depressed a lot of the time. I lost my dearest friend 5yrs. ago to lung cancer, she was 43 and like a sister to me. I feel so lost like part of me went with her. Enough for now. Hugs to you, Beth
by beth6955on 14 Feb 2005
I was sexually abused by my biological father. I donít ember a lot about what happened. For a long time I had problems trusting people, especially men. I finally figured out that what he did to me was not my fault, it was his. I am not angry or bitter anymore and I trust people more. I just am proud of all the women who have told their stories in here. It is a very hard thing to do and you should be proud. I hope that life will bring each of you great things and a sense of peace after each of your storms. Love you all.
by luv4uon 13 Feb 2005
I feel like Iím betraying my family doing this but I feel I need to let this out. My story isnít of the past, itís of the past present and future as I fear this nightmare will never end.
It started when I was 11, I was just developing and I think my brother who was 14 had noticed because while we were eating at the dinner table he suddenly came out with "so **** youíre developing ti*s then?" I was so embarrassed, I ran to my room and cried on my bed, I know that sounds pathetic but I was embarrassed. My mother must have sent him to his room because I heard him come upstairs moments after me. He came into my room and I screamed at him that he should have knocked and he replied "calm down sis by the way itís a good thing youíre developing, it means we can have more fun!" I donít think I understood but I did shortly after when he started creeping into my room at night. The sexual abuse progressed on my brotherís 19th birthday when he organized a party and persuaded mum to go and stay at nanas while I stayed at the party. All the people he invited round where male and all I remember is the pain, the confusion and the hurt. And now all I can think is how much I wish that I never developed and how I wish my mother didnít left me with them and how I wondered what I had done to make me deserve that much hurt. He has and will continue to take away my dignity, my confidence and my personality. I am now nobody; I feel nothing and I am nothing and I donít think its ever going to change...
by helplesson 13 Feb 2005
I was raped by someone I thought cared about me. It happened about two weeks ago. I am 17, soon to be 18. This is how it happened.
I was hanging out with a bunch of friends for the night. I was at a friendís house doing the whole party thing. I was drinking a lot of alcohol, mainly straight from the bottle. Well a few hours later I got tired and went into my friendís room to take a nap. His room was upstairs and everyone was downstairs. I went into the bedroom alone. I passed out in the bed to only be woken about 15 minutes later by my friend Jason. I didn't think anything of it and just passed back out. What I do remember of what happened is extremely hazy to me. I remember opening my eyes because someone was tugging on my clothes, and he was naked. I tried to tug back, but it was all I could do just to stay conscious enough to barely open my eyes. I tried to tell my arms to move, but they just wouldn't, I couldn't even bring myself to make any noise. He got my clothes off without any struggle, and then pushed my legs apart. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness, enough to realize that he was on top of me and pushing himself inside of me. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, do anything. He just kept going. I passed back out and woke up about an hour or two later (I think) and had no clothes on, no one was in the room with me and the door was shut. I rolled over to the side of the bed and put my clothes back on. I went down the stairs, and no one was there. Everyone had left; accept Jason and the kid who lived there. I couldn't get home, because Jason was my ride. I told him to take me home and he refused, said that I was "to out of sorts to act sober in front of my mother." so instead he took me to his house, and no one was there either. He tried to get me to have sex with him yet again, but this time I was able to voice my opinion and said "NO." I told him I was tired and just needed to go to bed to sober up. He rolled a blunt and smoked it, I took two hits to calm me down and went to bed. The next morning he didn't bring me home, he made sure that I was with him at all times for the next three days. It was hard to be around him but when I got home, I refused to let him take me anywhere, but he would stay at my mothers and hang out with my sister. I wouldn't stay in the same room with him if no one else was there. I just told my mother about two days ago. She said that he isn't allowed to call, hang out or come over, ever. I was extremely relieved. I'm thinking of getting a restraining order on him as well. I have my sisterís children living here and he would hurt them. I would yell at him every time. But now that I think back on that, I feel horrible to think that I brought that monster around my nieces and nephews. He will call on different numbers so the caller ID won't pick it up as him and try to talk me into hanging out with him. He is still harassing me and always saying "I love you, I miss you, you know I would never intentionally hurt you or your family." But I'm happy that I can at least see through his ways and not let him sweet talk me into seeing him again. That alone has helped to make me feel stronger. My family is very supportive and is with me every step and every day. I'm lucky to have this strong and supportive family behind my every decision and to have them helps me cope, and talk with them.
by Kaiteon 12 Feb 2005
It went on all my life. My parents got divorced and I went to live with my mom. When if was about 5 years, old my stepfather had molested me and my sister. My sister came out with the truth before I did. Anyways, my mom told me if I wanted to keep her in my life that I would have to lie. I, just a young girl, wanted a mom and so I did what she told me to do. It kept happening and I told my mom but she would always say that it was ok. It kept going on until about 7th grade when it had stopped, but deep inside me I was still living it. There were a couple of times when I wanted to tell the world but I kept saying to myself that I needed a mom in my life. My family would always ask me if my stepfather ever touched me but my mom would always give the ďgo to hellĒ look. I remember this one night me and my friend went out to the skating ring just to get out of our house. I can home 2 minutes later and he started a fight. My friend left and we were still arguing when you mom woke up. He almost hit me (I was 13), my mom got between us and this is where I thought I finally had a mom. But he told me that I needed to pack up my shit and leave. My mom watched me pack some clothes and walk a dark scary road on a Friday night at 12:53. Then there I knew that I never had a mom. I went to go and live with my nanny. When summer came around me and my sister went to the laundry mate to get some cokes (I was at my dadís house in Houston). When we were about to leave I just broke down and told her everything. Since she was my sister and she already went through it she was to 1st one I told. We dropped down to ours knees and cried. She told my dad and now we are in counseling and under investigation. I know its not my fault for what happen but I should have said something.
So the reason why I write this is to let you all know that I have been through it all and to tell you to speak out. I am only 14 and I am an independent person who takes up for myself now. Donít be scared to speak out if this has happen to you. You need to let someone know.
by Monica Perezon 11 Feb 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.