Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Featured Category:
Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.




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Dancing in the Darkness
I was ages 11-13. I was molested my step-father. The man I thought would always be there for me and my mother, but I guess I was wrong. He would come into my room and insert his fingers inside of my vagina and when I would awake he would hurry out of my room and go to bed. When I was 12 years old, he had stuck his hands in my pants one morning and when my mother walked in with his breakfast she seen him doing it what he was doing and he dropped me on the floor. After that I told my mom that it was happening through the ages of 11 and 12 and that it was still going on when she was asleep. Of course she didn't want to believe it so she said I lied. Then when I went to my first commitment program, I told her again and she said that I was old enough to tell him to stop. So here I am in my fourth program about to go home and my mom still does not believe me. What should I do because this is a cry for help! :(
by kikion 7 Mar 2005

Ok...Wow this is really hard to read all of your stories and try to understand. My father is a rapist. My best friend and my boyfriend are the only ones who I have told. I was close to my father. He was my idol, until he was accused of raping our neighbor. I found out when I was 12, I was four when he went to jail. She reported that my father raped her. He said she only reported that because he wouldn't break up with my mother for her. I realize that I should believe the girl. And I do believe her, because over the last two years my father has made sexual advances at me. I'm now about to turn 18 in May. Twice he has got me drunk and gave me pills after I drunk to make my headache better in the morning even though I don't know what the pills are. Every time he got me drunk I was the only one at the house (I never took the pills). Three times he has tried to touch me inappropriately. I can't wait for May so that I can move out of that house. What scares me is that I have two younger sisters six and four. Itís hard to believe that the man I look up toÖ.my own father...is a perverted rapist. I'm sorry for all the women out there that have gone through rape. I don't know how you do it. But just understand that I may not have been raped but I live with the pain that my dad is a rapist. Thank You...Bless You All
by Heatheron 2 Mar 2005

I really donít remember a time when sexual abuse wasnít a part of my life. My father abused me as well as my older brother, and a trusted family friend. I am now 30 and all these men are in jail, not all of them for sexual crimes but off the streets so that they can hurt anyone again. The (trusted family friend) was recently sentenced to jail as a sexually dangerous person. This makes me happy for there is justice in the world, but I honestly donít think itís enough when it comes to these types of crimes. These people stole my childhood and I deal with the effects of the abuse almost daily in my adult life. It is hard finding help and people you can turn to for help. I am open for suggestions thank you for listening.
by tinaon 1 Mar 2005

Easter is coming up soon and it always brings back confusing memories of my childhood. I can remember when I was a toddler, my much older cousin trying to feel my legs and look under my dress when I wore tights. When I was 7 and in first grade, my mother bought me Sheer tan pantyhose like she wore, only for little girls.
I remember feeling so excited and grown up to wear big girl pantyhose since it was the early 70's and miniskirts were in and most of the older girls in my school wore them a lot.
That day after church at my uncle and auntís house, my parents had my older cousin watch me so they could go out to dinner with just the grownups. After they left, my cousin kept talking about how pretty my legs looked and how grown up I looked in my new pantyhose and playing tickle games with me and kept touching my legs. He then asked me if I could keep a secret and had me promise not to tell. Not knowing what it was I said yes. He left his bedroom and came back completely naked except for a pair of his momís pantyhose he was wearing. He then told me because I had seen him naked in pantyhose he had to see me wearing just pantyhose. I was very reluctant, but somehow convinced me. I remember laying on the bed and him touching me and rubbing in them but soon he was performing oral sex on me and rubbing his penis on my pantyhose. He had an orgasm and it really grossed me out and I vomited on his bed. After that day I never wanted to wear pantyhose, tights or dresses again. I used to get so upset when my mom wanted to dress me up. I was so embarrassed at what I had done by dressing in just pantyhose for him that I didn't dare tell a soul. I managed to make sure I wasn't alone with him again and I think he got the hint because he never tried anything again but now I don't like dressing up anymore.
by jen on 26 Feb 2005

Hi. This is the first time in 8 years that I have talked to anyone about this. I don't remember much of my childhood before my uncle Larry died. I do remember when my parents divorced. I remember my mom working so many jobs trying to raise my sister and me. Then in 1991 my mom was seeing a man named Dale G. He left in 1992 and went to South Carolina. In 1993 he came back here to Mississippi. He moved in with my mom and us. In 1994, my mom got pregnant with my little brother. The night my little brother went back to the hospital is when it first happened. I was 12 years old, and the man, I wanted so dearly as a father figure, tried to touch me. He was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet on his lap. I started having a stomach ache. He asked me if I wanted him to rub my stomach so it would stop hurting. I didn't think anything of it so I said sure. His hand started going further down. I got up off the couch and locked myself in the bathroom. Well, I told my mom. She asked him and he lied. He told her I was lying about the whole thing. One year later on my 13th birthday, he asked me if I wanted to be a woman. I said no. I wanted to be a kid. That night I was sitting on the back doorstep. He joined me and asked what was wrong. I said I couldn't sleep. He came around so that he could be in front of me. He started hugging me. After a few minutes I felt something strange. He asked if I wanted to feel it again. I said no, but he pushed me back and pulled me down. He pulled his penis out of his boxers and forced it in my vagina. Every time my mother was gone somewhere and I was alone with him, he would rape me. I would mentally leave my body and block what was happening out. I told my mother several times, but she said I seduced him. From then until 1997, I tried suicide, running away, drugs, and drinking to take it all away. In 1997 on a Friday, I went to breakfast that morning and told my best friend that I'd be dead by lunch. In study hall, I asked to go to the bathroom. My best friend knew why. I went to the bathroom and slit my wrists. Five minutes later, she found me almost dead. Ms. Shona Jordon called my mother at the hospital in Oxford, MS and told her to come to the school. That night I was supposed to go to the prom with my boy friend. I never made it. My mom sent me to Charter Parkwood for help. In Family Therapy I told everything I remembered to my therapist while both sets of my parents were there. My mom called me a liar. One week later my grandfather passed away. My sis & I moved in with our dad. My sis stayed mad at me for years. My dad was in so much shock he didn't believe at first. In the summer of 97, he finally believed after my sixth suicide attempt. He sent me to St. Francis in Memphis, TN. I got better for a while. Then in 98, he sent my sis and I to live with our aunt Betty and Uncle James in Jackson, TN. I had a wonderful time living there. I graduated high school. I moved back here to Pontotoc, MS. I took care of my grandmother. Then I moved in with my first fiancť. He became verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. I left him because he ended up being gay and abusive. I lived with my grandmother again. I started seeing the guy who was to take me to the prom the night I left for Parkwood. He was great at first, then he forced me to take drugs and he abused me in every way. I was forced to do crack cocaine, and smoke pot. I had been drinking since the age of 13. At 21, I was drinking Vodka every day all day. Then I found out I was pregnant. The doctor said my baby was so hooked on drugs that he probably wouldn't live. I had my son 1 month before my grandmother died. He died 10 mins after birth. All due to my abuse, my life was hell. I went through other abuse in '02 to '03. My ex-fiance Jason was a drinker. I had stopped drinking after my son's death mind you. He almost choked me to death because I wouldn't get him a beer. Then in Sept. of 2003 I found the most loving man. Douglas has been wonderful to me. We have been through a lot together. I have had 2 car crashes and lived. He treats me like a queen. We plan to marry in March '06. He has me understand that it wasn't my fault. My mom is still married to the man that hurt me, but she'll understand on judgment day that what happened. Thanks for your time.
by Mitti Dillardon 25 Feb 2005

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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