When I was very young I recall my fatherís friend sexually molesting me. I must have been maybe 3 and the image is burned in my mind. I tried to tell my mom my memories my whole childhood, and remember how she ignored it, ignored me. My parents were so unhealthy already. I had a brother and a sister who I became a "mother" to because my mother was too abused to love us unconditionally. There where always conditions, even in her most loving moments. At 9/10 I was sexually molested again by one of my fatherís friends, I believe he knew it was happening. This "relationship" went on for years. Every time this man came over he would end up in my bedroom at some point to touch me in my sleep. I always woke up to him there, touching me and never caring. This man was very good friends with molester #1 and I believe they talked about it. My first molester was such a good friend of my dads, I had to call him uncle, and he would give me money and actually built a relationship with me. At 11/12 another of my dad's friends molested me again. By now I knew to go ridged and be somewhere else. I really had difficulties coping when my first molester moved in, after I was molested so much! He was younger than my father, only 10yrs older that me. I escaped this by creating distance and I believe this actually broke his view of our relationship or he had compassion for me because of my father and all the abuse I endured just from him, let alone, him and his friend. When he moved out, molester #3 moved in, I truly believe this was planned. My father is very abusive and a psycho. Sexual molestation is actually one of the easiest part of my childhood, which breaks my very soul knowing I am so broken. I read compulsively to try and understand but I feel like all the puzzle pieces aren't there. I am dealing with my love issues. I have an excellent husband and have a functional mind now but I can't love him..... I know what love is, what my rights are, what his rights are, etc. but I can't emotionally attach myself to him, as hard as I try.
I don't understand and wonder if it is from my teen years (which are a whole different story about no self worth). Do we ever become emotionally functional people again?
by Jupider on 17 Mar 2005
About a month ago, I was at my friend's house. I had known this really attractive guy for about 3 months, and we had kissed a couple times. He asked me to go up the street and get some pizza with him, and I went. Then he took me out to an old abandoned air port outside of town and forced me to perform oral sex on him, and then give him a hand job. It was my first sexual experience, so I felt like such a wh*re. But, my family found out, and we pressed charges. He ended up confessing, and supposedly he cried the whole time, but I think it was just because he was scared of prison. I am still reeling, having to deal with what he stole from me. But with help from my family and others, I am getting better.
by Jasmineon 17 Mar 2005
My story isn't half as bad as the ones that I have read here, and I almost feel silly writing it, but I figure that even the minor things still count, because they mess you up no matter how minor. I went to a party on St. Patrickís Day in 2004. We played shot games and then I decided to take a break. I was already pretty drunk. I was drinking orange juice to break for a bit, but the guy next to me, HE filled my glass of orange juice with vodka whenever I poured myself a drink. In my state, I didn't bother to say no, didn't see any harm in a bit more. I didn't realize how drunk I was until I decided to stand up. As soon as I did I fell flat on the floor. Everything happens in clips after that. I remember being outside in the backyard and smoking pot, and HIM kissing me and me pushing him off of me. Then I remember everyone was in the basement in a tiny washroom hot boxing, and I threw up in the toilet there. The next thing I knew I woke up and it was dark. I was on the floor and HE was on top of me, passed out as well. I moved, I was afraid. I tried to get upstairs and he got up and tried to pull me back down. I was scared and got away, and I tried to find my best friend. I was still in a very mentally messed up state from all the drugs in my system. I made it to the top floor with him right behind me. I started to cry because I didn't know where my friend was. HE led me back downstairs but onto the main floor into a room where some others were sleeping. I lay on the floor and he lay next to me. I slipped in and out of consciousness, and I was constantly awakened by his hand going under my shirt and under my bra, or him undoing my pants and touching me down there, rubbing and grabbing things. I was so afraid but I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even fight back. That night really scarred me, even though not much happened. I still hate HIM for doing it. I wouldn't let anyone touch me for the longest time. I felt dirty and disgusting. I still worry about what happened when I was passed out both times. I found a hickey on my neck and had no recollection of it. I was really scared. It isn't close to as bad as the stories I've read here, but it was still something, and I just want it known that anything that you don't want is rape, even something minor.
by mysoultokeepon 16 Mar 2005
I went to my high school's homecoming dance, last October 2004. I was having a great time with my date, mike. He was so gorgeous and I was also with my best friend and her boyfriend. I had a blast at the dance and was really looking forward to going home and drinking with them, mainly because I had never really gotten drunk before and was extremely curious.
The night went on and my best friend still hadn't shown up. I was with my date and his friend, waiting for her to arrive. I had already started drinking and so did my friendís date. I got drunk really fast and before I knew it, my date had passed out and I was being raped inside my parentís bed. My life has completely changed because of this. I hate myself for getting drunk and not being able to help myself out of this horrible situation.
by Baileyon 16 Mar 2005
Hello everyone. Whatís up? I thought I was alone for a minute or so, until I have seen this site. Iím 16 years old. My past haunts me. When I was 5 years old I was molested by my uncle David for 3 years. I didn't know what was happening. I was mad at myself all the time. My mom always asked me why I had a rash but I never told. I kept a secret hidden from everyone I loved. When I turned 7 on my birthday I told my mother what happened. We went walking for a while then we went back to were I was living and she ran in grabbed her gun and chased him out the house. He told me if I ever told her or anyone else he'd kill me but some how I figure he could have just done it then because I had a horrible future to a wait me. How can young ones keep it in so long is what I used to be asked Now that I'm about to be 17, I know how they did it. They are scared and lonely and know if they told they'd get punished and someone wouldnít believe them. I told and I put him in jail. He just got out last year. Why would someone hurt the one they love? There are too many lies out there, children are hurt and raped and abused and I don't know why because I was one of them. I have my memories and they are horrible but I get through them. I say to myself every morning when I get up that I am strong and I don't need much to get me through life. I sometimes pretend it never happened but thatís just me. Thatís how I keep myself going. I have goals now. Since all of this happened I have hope and faith. Iím set for life. I just didn't have much of a childhood and I know how some of you feel, but you have to keep going. Iím glad I got to share my story, so thank you all for yours.
Love you all,
Hope and Faith,
by Courtneyon 15 Mar 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.