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rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Featured Category:
Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.




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Dancing in the Darkness
The summer of 2004, the summer right after I graduated from high school, was a time when I wanted to try new things. That summer, I was very rebellious. I snuck out of my bedroom window, stole alcohol and anything else I could get my hands on. One day, I stopped by this guy’s house. I had been hanging out with him and his friends for about a week. I talked to him and his best friend. They were going to a party but they said they were going to be back by 11:00 PM. They wanted me to steal some alcohol and come over at that time. I knew they were just using me for my stealing habit.
At around 11:15, I snuck out of my room, with the stolen alcohol, and went over to his house. I had never gotten drunk before, but I did drink prior to this night. I drank way too much and I got very drunk. I got sick, and one of the guys over there decided to take me outside. When we were outside, I was barely about to stay awake, I definitely couldn't walk.
Someone had the idea that maybe they should take me to an empty shed, and leave me there. Two or three guys carried me over to the shed and put me inside. All but one guy left. At that time, the guy that stayed behind with me proceeded to rape me. I didn't know what was going on. All I could think of at the time was the horrible pain. While he was having sex with me, some of the other guys came over. They took my pants and underwear and threw them on the roof of the shed. It was raining and they got all wet. Someone must have went up there and got them. After all of that, the guy that raped me walked me home. I climbed back in my window and passed out.
The next morning, my mom came in my room and asked me why I was still in my jeans. I told her that I snuck out and got really drunk. I also told her that I believed that something bad happened. I wasn't sure about the rape until the memories started coming back. I started asking people who were there what had happened and they filled in the gaps.
That night was the most humiliating and painful experience of my life. It caused me nightmares, panic attacks, and worst of all, I am terrified of most men. I still see those guys on occasion, and every time I see them, I can't breathe and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I just wish I could go back to last summer and lock myself up.
I read all the other stories, and almost all of them mention some sort of threat. I was never threatened, though I am still harassed. I know that my story isn't as violent and life threatening as some are, but I am still haunted by that night, and I did say no.
by Brookeon 8 Apr 2005

I was just reading some of these stories and thought “wow I’m not alone...” Ok, let me start by saying I am now 25 married with 2 great children, the perfect life. I’d like to think that, but I had a rough childhood, and an even rougher adult life. When I was about 8, me and my friends would go down to this guys house, it was like a neighborhood hang out because he'd give us money for candies. Well after awhile he would give my friends the money to go to the store, but only if I stayed there. Most of what happened is still a mystery to me, some things I remember but I guess since I blocked it out and never told anyone, I can’t put my memories in order and organize the missing pieces. I did a good job blocking it out, or so I thought. I ended up battling depression all the rest of my child hood and still now, dealing with tricatillamania (long word I know, it means pulling your hair out, it goes along with self mutilation, and all that not so good stuff you know). Ok anyway, I didn’t remember anything until I ws 17 and pregnant with my daughter and it all started coming back after I found out she was a she. I’ve been in therapy and on meds since I was 10, and still am. I’m trying to get over that, but it’s not easy, and in 2002 I was raped. I went out with my "friends" who left me at the bar alone with this guy. All I did was saying “Hi” while I was waiting for my beer. That was it, I didn’t say another word to him, and when I was leaving the bar, they came out. He was with a friend, well they asked where I was going and I said home. They said “well we can give you a ride?” I said “no I’m just fine walking. Then one guy said "Just get in the **cking car.” Well intimidation kicked and just like a puppy I tucked my tail between my legs and got in. Needless to say they didn’t take me home. I said “this isn’t my house” and they said “we’re just going up for a drink” I was like “I gotta go to the bathroom anyway.” I had been drinking since about 9 pm and it was about 3am so I was a little more than drunk. The house had about 30 steps before the door. I don’t think I walked them up but you never know. We got in the house and they gave me a beer, I drank some and then went to the bathroom. When I came back out, the friend was gone, and it was just the one guy there. I went to get my coat on to leave, but I didn’t leave. I remember saying “my kids are home, I gotta get home, I gotta go home to my kids.”

When he was done he said “now go home to your kids.” I was so upset that I forgot where I lived and my phone number. I called the last number I dialed on my cell phone. My friend’s husband came and met me at the gas station and walked me home. I didn’t tell my boyfriend at first, but eventually I did, because I needed to explain my need for many many baths. That day I said “let’s just get married.” We were splitting up so he jumped at that. 3 months later we were married and now I’m kicking my self for making that choice. My need for security clouded my judgment and it’s been horrible since then, I want to leave but again I think security is keeping me here. Well that’s my story, and I also want to say. Rapists don’t just pick you out of a line up, they don’t do it on impulse. They search, they look for the ones that look weak, the ones that look like they had a little too much to drink, the quiet ones, the ones that are alone, and not likely to put up a fight. That man intentionally left me alone with this man., put me in his car and knew he wasn’t going to be take me home. So it’s just as much his doing as it was the other guy. I don’t know how he sleeps at night knowing what goes on in his house after mid-night. This my story.
by jessicaon 8 Apr 2005

First of all, I would like to say I am very sorry for anyone that has ever gotten sexually abused by someone you had thought you trusted. I know how you feel. I was sexually abused by my stepfather for a year. I know that I definitely didn't have it as bad as some people, but it has definitely had a very hard impact on my life. During the time I was sexually abused by my father I was a different person. All my friends thought I was being a b**** but, they didn’t know what was actually happening to me. I constantly put my self down and blamed myself for what happened. I put myself on guilt trips when I would push him off me. I felt that it was all my fault. I felt alone and I told my self constantly that it was normal. I would let him do it because I wanted to keep my family together. I didn't want to have to go through another divorce and have a life without a father once again. I loved him so much and I loved my family so much that I couldn't tell. Until, one day my sister told my mother that it was happening to her too and I knew I would have to tell. During the first stages of my healing process I constantly had suicidal thoughts and depressed feelings. My family and I decided to press charges and put him in jail. I do not know what is going happen that day when I go to court but, all I know is I never knew so many people cared about me until I told. I had to go to the doctor for depression medicine and now I feel so much better about myself and my family. I go to counseling every two or three weeks and talk about what had happened. I know that it is going to be a long road ahead but, I am a new person now, I have a new life now. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and know that everything is all right. Recently my family and I moved into a new house for a new beginning, but my stepfather started to harass my family and me. We have a restraining order against him, and he has come so close to violating the rules. But we are ok. We have not yet gone to court but, will soon during the late summer. I know everything is going to be alright. So, I would like to say one last thing to you all that have been sexually abused to speak up and to tell the truth. Everything will be alright, I promise, have faith in you. God will always be here for us. Remember don’t hide the truth.
Love always,
God is watching over us,
by Heatheron 7 Apr 2005

From the ages of nine to twelve a friend of the family (who was 17) molested me. She would have me and sometimes other girls take showers with her. She'd have me touch her breasts and she poked at my vagina alot. I remember one time she tried to put a pencil up my vagina. Once, while I was laying down resting, she would rub her hands all over my body, and if I tried to move or anything, she'd scratch me or bite me. One time she locked me in a boys bathroom and told one of my guy friends to have sex with me, but he wouldn't (thank goodness). A couple of times while I swam with her she would hold me under water for a very long time and I would have to kick her to make it back up. Other times she would grab at my privates in the water. She would also call me many hurtful names. She "made it up" to me by buying me toys. I never told anybody about this...it's just so hard to do even twelve plus years later.
by silent survivoron 6 Apr 2005

When I was about 9 years old, I was sexually abused by a boy and girl. The boy lived 2 houses down and the girl lived down the street. We would always play together and we would either play in my backyard bushes or the boy's cellar where we were all alone.
The boy pretended to be a doctor and he would take my clothes off and touch me all over. He would rub, lick, suck, touch, everything on every part of my body. He would do this too, to the girl, but she liked it. I didn't. But I couldn't do anything and I was afraid. The girl would touch me and kiss me. The girl and boy pretended to be married and I was their kid. They would sexually abuse me. The boy and girl did this to my friend who lived on our street too.
The boy and girl have moved these past years. And my friend still lives here. So do I. My friend and I haven't ONCE talked about what has happened to us. But we sure do hate that boy and girl and hope we never see them again. I know this isn't rape, but it is to me. This has changed me. I'm more shy, more quiet, more uncomfortable than I should be. This has effected my life and followed me as I grew older.
by Stef on 6 Apr 2005

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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