Hi, I found your web site as I was typing and crying. I hate what he did to my life the night he raped me, he robbed me of my self my heart, my body and my soul, he robbed me of all my dreams to be a wonderful loving Mom to my four kids. He robbed me of my self, my respect. I can't find me anymore. I just feel the pain of everyone I love slipping away. I am to 49 and had so much spirit, a will that wouldn’t give up, a heart that is bigger than the ocean and a love for life, beauty that God so gifted me with that someone could not resist, just for a moment, that moment robbed me for the rest of my life. If you are in San Diego, I sure would like a friend that understands, a place to feel normal again and dreams and hope that the experience I had will not be so awful if I could keep another child, girl, woman from having to bear this deep pain that is so horrible you can't speak about it for fear most could not understand!
I so wish you the best and please let me know if I can be a voice for the cause, to make people speak and speak loud and I want to let my voice be heard, because I think that I still have. That may be a start.
Love and peace, Cari
by Carion 28 Apr 2005
When I was 5 my moms boyfriend raped me after I accidentally passed by the restroom when I was going to get some toys for my little brother and I to play with outside. The abuse went on for another year until he had to go to prison for robbery. I have flashbacks all the time now experiencing what I went through few years ago. I’m 16 now.
by Mercedeson 28 Apr 2005
So young and naive that what happened never fazed me until now. Now I'm 16 I'm learning how to deal with my past and what happened to me. I was blind never could see how much he was hurting me. They were my own flesh and blood, my cousins. I must've been about 7/8 years old when my cousin first molested me. I was so young to know what was going on. I loved staying at my aunt's house because I was really the youngest girl out of everyone else, so I played like a "tomboy" and hung out with my little cousins and brother. At night I slept with either one of my female cousins and when it got real late I would wake up and feel his hands down my pants or his tongue. I got used to after 5 years or so without saying a word. I started to like, then love it, but I never knew how bad it would hurt me in the end.
As I got older I still dealt with what my oldest cousin was doing to me. When I turned 12, I went crazy with sex, loving it, adoring it. I had such a low self-esteem, so I would have sex to satisfy them. At 13 I stayed at my best friend’s house and while I dreamed I felt someone’s hands all over me, I was so scared. It was her oldest brother. He pulled down my pants and he performed oral sex with me. I told him to stop (I was also on my period). He then laid on top of me and tried to insert himself in me. Whispers of, "I LOVE YOU,” slipped into my ears just for me to hear. I still told him no. I guess after a while he left me alone. I pressed charges, but his family was in rage and harassed me for almost a year. "Never again", I said to myself.
I'd never thought this or something worse would happen again. WRONG. My molested brother had a field day with my body. He enjoyed so much when it was time to stop he wouldn't. I tried and tried to push him off of me but he was to strong. He waited until he got his then stopped (this lasted about 2 years).Years go by and I erased every single memories of my cousins molesting and raping me. I've decided to move on. SO I THOUGHT. I became very promiscuous. I didn't have a care in the world. I had flashbacks. It was demons haunting me every night. When I turned 14 things got worse for me .I felt dirty and my hormones where so high I couldn't help myself. I masturbated like I never had sex before. I used objects and watches movies that my father kept. Sex was like joy to me, but it hurt me so bad that I became suicidal and didn't like myself at all. I felt like I was so dirty and naughty-minded.
He did this to me and all I have to say now is thank you for making a stronger young lady. I still go through more stuff like this, but I handle it better.
by Antionetteon 27 Apr 2005
When I was 12 I was raped by best friend’s brother. I was sleeping over my friends house and had a crush on her 17 yr old brother. Well he knew I had a crush on him and he whispered to me to come to his room after his sister goes to bed.
Being stupid I did as he said and went to his room that night. He was watching television in his bed and asked me to join him. I went to sit next to him but he lifted the covers for me to get in. He then mentioned the crush and asked if I ever been kissed. I said no and he said, “wanna be?”
Well I said yes and he started kissing me for a long time. I then felt each button on my PJ shirt being undone. I was shy and didn’t know what to do so just laid the speechless and motionless. He started kissing and touching my chest and then removed my pants and underwear. First he inserted his fingers in me than his penis. I remember the tears and pain as it felt it lasted for ever.
I was too ashamed to tell any one as I felt it was my fault for going into his room.
by Ally on 27 Apr 2005
Darkness and shame I can’t hide but when I look around I feel so damn empty inside can any body feel my cup. I guess not ‘cause no one really gives a ****... I cry and cry everyday but they look at me and say I won’t make it another day how does that make me feel so hurt. They took that love from me what can I say, I have no friends thanks man! Now I know I wont be able to LOVE again
~words from my heart~
by Sa'Tiaon 26 Apr 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.