It was a cold and dreary night. I was walking home from the library when a man began to follow me. I remember his eyes, they gazed upon me like I was his prey in the jungle. I was a rabbit and he was a fox. I was scared, walking along the streets of down town Chicago at 9:00 at night. I began to quicken my pace as he crept behind me. I dropped my books that I had checked out of the library then began to run. He came up behind me though and then bashed me on the head. Everything went black...
I woke up in a strange room about 4 hours later. I looked down and noticed I had no clothes on. I became frightened and looked around to see if I could find my clothes, they were no where to be found. I jumped up and realized that I was lying on a bed. There was nothing in the room but a bed and an old TV set with a door in the corner. I ran to the door and tried to open it but it was locked. I began to panic and franticly dashed around the room. Then the door knob turned and the man that had been following me walked in. He was completely naked as well and wore a grimy evil smile. He then picked up a whip and ordered me to lie on the bed. I freaked out and began to cry. He told me again to lie on the bed. So I did. He raped me a couple of times then everything went black again.
I woke up again and saw my mom leaning over me. She was crying and hugging me tight. She told me what happened and where they found me. I was scared and began to cry with her. She then asked me what happened and I told her that I couldn't remember. I lied to her because I didn't want a big story going around and I was afraid the man might come back and hurt me again. I am so happy I can share my story with you guys though.
by karen and jolineon 21 May 2005
I am a survivor, from many kinds of abuse! I am only 14! I have been abused ever since I was a baby up until I was 11. I love how every one shares there story, I donít know how to share my past very well.
I was sexually abused by my step dad, my mom and both of my momís grandparents. I have been raped by my step dad and my grandpa! My grandpa just died like two weeks ago. I now know what pain from abuse and grief feels like! And itís not easy!
I want to let every one who reads this along with all the other sad true stories, if you are being abused in any kind of way and you feel like you need to tell some one, do not think itís your fault! Its not! This is what I thought and didnít tell any one for 11 years! If you tell some one and they do not know how to help you then keep on trying! Someone will help you! I promise! Just remember to never give up! I may only be 14 but I know what I am talking about! And for those who have shared there stories than you!
by sally on 21 May 2005
I recently ran across this letter that I wrote to the family member who repeatedly molested & finally raped me when I was a child. I wanted to have it published somewhere since I choose not to send the letter to him for a variety of reasons. Just the process of writing the letter and now rereading it is cathartic to me and I hope, maybe, it will be to someone else with a similar experience. Thanks for providing this forum.
I am not sure how to start this letter. It seems silly to say things like, 'ďItís been awhileÖĒ'or 'ďItís obvious we havenít talked in awhile...Ē'. I know this will seem harsh, but, somehow, I always thought you would just disappear from my memory. I hoped that our relatedness would somehow disappear from the genealogies. But, it hasnít. And, unfortunately, it never will. I will forever be in your family as you will be in mine. You must know that you used to haunt my dreams. I would fall asleep and wake up sweating, thinking you were in the room. I am not asking you to feel anything but I am asking for your sympathy. I wish I could erase my life from the ages of five to eight. I often ask God if thatís possible. I used to wish that I had never been born or that you had never been born. But, once again, God had other plans.
I am getting married in March. That is the reason for this letter. I think that maybe I would have erased you from my memory, except that I had to tell my fiancť about you. We had the usual, 'ďWho have you slept with?Ē' And unfortunately, you were apart of it. In fact, you were center stage. I realized in the process that I am still angry. (That should be a warning about the rest of the letter.) I thought I had forgiven you but I have only forgiven you as far as I can forget you. I can only say that I forgive you when I know you are far, far away and I donít have to see you. Itís easy to forgive someone who is distant and you donít have to speak of or deal with on regular basis. Suddenly, I had to relate the whole story and I had to uncover what has been so carelessly covered for almost 20 years.
Did you know that I love to sing? Did you know that I donít like onions, in anything? Did you know that I talk to myself, a lot? All of this to say that itís so unfair that I am carrying around something for a person who doesnít even know me. You donít know me at all, you donít care what happens to me, and yet, 20 years later, when I am preparing to spend the rest of my life with someone who knows me intimately and better than you ever will, I have to talk about YOU. YOU become the subject of many conversations, many tears, many regrets, and sadness. My fiancť has a wonderful relationship with his extended family. Always felt loved, cared for, and wants them at his wedding because they were loyal beyond compare. What did I have? I was isolated, I was talked about, I was the subject of gossiping aunts, and I was left aloneÖ..and guess what; it all came back to you.
I am going to ask the obvious question, 'ďWhy?Ē' and 'ďWhy me?Ē' I know that ________ was not the best of fathers or the best of men. I have heard some of the stories and I know they are likely only the tip of the iceberg. I know that there was pornography involved and that had to have some influence on what you were thinking. But, why? Was it just because I was there? Was it just because I was too naÔve to say no? You may not know why but I have to ask. I have to ask for my own sanity because if I donít ask why, then it still becomes something I brought on myself.
I tried to fit into the family. I tried to 'ďput on a game faceĒ' and pretend like I could just smile and nod my way through the next 30 years of family reunions. But, I canít. I am not going to lie. I often used to wish that you would die in a car accident; I could have my final revenge by NOT showing up at your funeral and then be done with you. Then, I could have my extended family back.
If youíve read this far, you are a better man than I remember. All of this to say that I donít want you at my wedding. I do wish for healing, reconciliation, and whatever it takes to get things to normal, if thatís possible. But, please donít ruin our day by being there. I hope to close your chapter of my life soon.
by KMon 20 May 2005
I was 12 when this happened, it's not rape but I really want to get it out because it has caused me so much pain. One night I was chatting on the net with my friend who lived right behind my house there was a gate that connects our houses, his name is Robbie. We were telling each other that we "secretly" liked each other, then he suggested to meet at the gate by our houses.
I said yes and went. We kissed and stuff and he told people at school. His girlfriend, Danci, who was my fiend at the time, got pissed and broke up with him and hated me. And my boyfriend, Devon, did the same. Well after a while he would talk to me on the net and ask me if he could touch me and other things, this just pissed me off. About a week later he began reaching down my shirt on the bus while I slept. I caught him once and beat him until he was black and blue. He still harasses me to this day. These are not the real names, but I want to know if there is a way to get around guys when you have a large chest at a young age , I hope Robbie goes through the same hell he put me through.
by Lauren Mon 20 May 2005
I was molested when I was 3-10 by my uncle. When I was 14 we had an Easter party there, and he brought his "friend" over. He told my mom that I could stay the night and my mom said yes because I needed to get out of the house. When everyone left, they looked at each other and my uncle said, "Letís get to work". I went to the bathroom and it didn't have a lock. My uncle just walked in like it was no problem that I was using the restroom. They grabbed me and said, "Good you already have your pants and underwear down." I wondered what that meant and I would soon find out. They threw my on the floor somewhere, I think the living room. While my uncle pinned me down his "friend" ribbed my clothes off. They touched and licked me and they disgusted me. Then after that they would insert their finger in me. After that I was so weak, I think itís because I was pretty small and I fought as well as I could. But it didn't work. I was on the floor not able to move, so when they got off they said, "we don't need to hold her, she's weak enough." So one at a time they would just lie on top of me and insert their penis in and out of me. I started to bleed worse than I was, so they would clean it up then they would rape me again. They raped, and raped me all night. They only stopped to switch or to clean up the blood if there was too much. In the morning they said get up and get ready for breakfast. So I did. Then when they told me to get in the car my uncle's friend got in the back with me. He started to pull me to him (I couldn't fight I was too weak because of the all night rapes). He inserted his finger in me and said ďI need to do this one last time before you go home. Then my uncle said, "I can pull over if you need more time with her". He replied "no thatís okayĒ, "I can wait till next timeĒ. But thank God there was not a next time for him, but for my uncle there was. I think my uncle's friend felt sorry for me because he looked at me with much sorrow in his eyes. But my uncle still did that to me repeatedly. It stopped at age 18, he had got me pregnant. I went to court and he went somewhere, I don't know where because I was so happy when they said he was guilty, I didn't listen afterwards about everything. I know he'll be back but I have been working out lately and I'm strong and fit and he's probably messed up now. So 5 months ago I gave birth to a boy, I named him Austin. The funny thing is that he was born on the same day as me!!!
I will live my life out to the fullest, because I can live to know I am a survivor of rape. I AM A SURVIVOR!!! That will always live on!!!!
by Emma on 18 May 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.