I don't know exactly how to start talking about my story but to just let it out. I am now 20 years old and was 19 years old when I was raped by an acquaintance on my college campus. I was coming back from the library and I ran into this guy in a car after I got into my complex and we started talking. He said it was his birthday and there wasn't much to do on campus. I agreed because I was actually waiting for my friend while I was in the library. He asked me for my number so that we could hook up later on and find something to do around campus. I figured cool, that's how you meet people on a college campus and that's how I had met most of my friends. Well it turned out that he had lived right behind me and I ran into him on my way to my door and he said he would call me later. He called me later and said that he and some of his friends had found something to do and that they were drinking and going out and asked me if I wanted to come along and I could invite some friends, just come over his place. I went over to his place and as I tried to call some of my friends I started drinking. His roommate was playing songs and then another one of his friends came over. After I couldn't get in contact with my friends I decided I didn't want to go off campus by myself with three guys and I said I wasn't going and I was going to leave, we could go again some other night. They said that they were really bored and to have a few more drinks and call a few more times. I didn't think anything of it and I did. As the alcohol started to hit me I decided I wanted to leave. As I was getting my stuff the boy I had met grabbed me and started feeling and kissing me and I told him to stop and pushed him. He was holding me and pulled me down to the floor and my head hit the floor and knocked me into a daze. As I tried to get back up they turned the lights off and they took turns raping me. I tried to push myself up but I couldn't. I tried grabbing onto everything but they pulled me and pinned me down. I was so afraid to scream that I just gave up. When they were done they told me to put my clothes back on a get out. I ran out of the apartment and back to my apartment and found nobody. I was so scared that I ran to my car and locked myself inside. I called my best friend and he took me to the hospital because I had passed out and went into seizure. When I woke up I had to do tests and do a rape kit and report my story to the police. I feel so lost because in court they blamed it on the fact that we had all been drinking and during the school hearing one of the board members made it seem like it was my fault. I feel no self worth. I had confided in an older male who was close to me like a father because my father passed away when I was young and he repeatedly raped me, and I have never told anybody because of what I went through at school. I have been trying to deal with what has happened, but I find myself paranoid and feeling alone. Day by day I think about it and when I manage to sleep I have nightmares about it. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed I just bottle it all up. I am lost.
by Cherylon 28 May 2005
I am a figure skater and I am 19 years old. I worked at an ice rink and on July 3, 2004 I was brutally raped and beaten by a coworker, someone I thought was my friend. Iíll call him J. He was actually interested in my other friend who was dating someone. He was very upset about it because even though she had a boyfriend, she would still flirt with him and give him mixed signals only to push him away when he tried to make a move. On July 3, after my shift, I went out back and sat outside for awhile waiting for a friend to show up. J came around out back and we started talking about how upset he was about our friend and how he loved her and just wanted to be her boyfriend, a better one than she already had. We talked for a while and it started to get a little dark so I wanted to go call my friend and see where he was. We started to walk to the door and he thanked me for being there for him, for listening to him. We hugged and I told him I would always be there for him. At that point I went to open the door, and he turned around and slammed me into it. He started kissing my neck and putting his hands up my shirt. I was so shocked and I started fighting him off of me which only made him mad. He punched hard in the stomach and I fell to the ground. He brought me inside, through the back that isnít often used, to a well furbished room that we call the "star room." It is a nice room with a TV and a couch, it is rarely used. He threw me in the room and hit me hard in the stomach again, I went down. He locked the door and turned on some music. When I was finally able to get myself up, he was right there ripping my shirt off. He threw me down on the tiny couch in the room and raped me. I screamed and cried and tried to get him off, but he is considerably bigger than I am and weighs about 200lbs. I was wearing a skirt (I worked in the office of the rink, so I was allowed to) and I remember he just tore it off without much effort. I fought as hard as I could and I kicked him in his area. That gave me enough time to get up and try and run, but he tackled me and started to hit me. He then picked me up to bring to the couch again but I started to fight and he ended up throwing me down on the coffee table. It knocked the wind out of me and I just laid there for a moment while he got his pants down. He put his penis in my mouth while he held my hands down over my head with one of his. I bit hard and he grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head down on to the table. I blacked out for a couple of minutes and when I came to he was still on top of me holding a knife to my neck. I just cried. He put the knife down next my head and made sure I saw it. He actually wore a condom even though this attack was my first sexual experience, but he didnít believe me and said I was probably a dirty wh*re. I didnít scream anymore because I was afraid he was going to kill me. I just gave up and let him take my innocence and dignity. I donít know how long it went on for, but the pain began to be unbearable. I would slip in and out of consciousness. I think he then realized I was telling the truth about being a virgin and he got off of me. He took the knife, pulled up his pants and said he was sorry. Then he just left me there. I was so scared he would come back, so I got up and locked the door. I went into the bathroom in the room and closed and locked that one as well and just cried. I must have done that for a good hour when I finally cleaned myself and the room up. I tried to get the blood out of the carpet, I scrubbed so hard, I was so ashamed. I put my clothes and just ran out to my car. I had dropped everything off in there at the end of my shift and I just took off. I didnít tell anyone. It would be one thing if it ended there, but it didnít. Again on the July 23 it happened, in a locker room while we were both working. He used hockey tape to keep my hands tied and he gagged me. When he went to cut the tape off I started to fight him because I thought he was going to stab me. He ended up cutting my wrist and told me Iíd always remember him. The last time he attacked me he was caught in the act, at work again. Another employee, a real friend, went looking for me because I told him I didnít want to work alone with j. A fight ensued but j took off. I told the police, my boss, and some friends but they have been unable to find j.
Imp scared, afraid that he'll find me and try it again. I have nightmares every time I sleep and itís been almost a year now. I am making progresses. I am seeing a therapist and I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves and supports me. Itís still so hard to deal with, but sharing helps. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
by ajon 27 May 2005
I was abused for many years while I was a child
It started out as touching, then masturbating and making me touch and kiss him down there. Then he started to rape me and let his friends do the same thing.
I had a lot of troubles at home, my dad was an alcoholic and used to beat my mom and my mom in return was beating us.
Iív still not recovered from my childhood and I doubt I ever truly will. Iím in a relationship with a loving man, but I keep messing it up and have dreams about him and the main person who used to abuse me.!
I hate the way we get the sentence while they walk free
by Razon 27 May 2005
I was ten years old, and my parents had recently divorced. On one of the weekends when my father would come pick me up, we stopped by an out-of-town rest area, so he could use the bathroom. I later discovered (LONG story on how that happened...) that my father is homosexual, and was using these little "visits" to the rest-area to have intercourse with other males. Needless to say, there were some pretty shady people who hung around this place. I sat in the car alone - thinking my father just took a VERY long time in the bathroom - when a man came and tapped on my window. He said, "Hey, your father told me that I should take you down and show you the river." I, assuming that my dad really did know this man, went with him to the forest right behind the rest-stop. We stopped by a patch of tall trees, and he violently punched me down. It's not like I had ever experienced violence from an adult before, so I was very shocked by his behavior. He then pulled out a gun, and told me that if I said anything, I would never see my parents again. I was violently raped, and I couldn't stop throwing up. Every time I threw up, he would become extremely angry and punch my stomach. When I didn't stop, he took his gun and put it into my vagina, telling me that he only did it "because he cared" and he didn't want me to remember this as a bad experience. (EXCUSE ME?!?!?!) He told me I would have to learn how to have sex someday for my boyfriends, and he had to teach me. I remember crying as I pulled my pants back on, and he casually walked me back to the car. I got in, and sat there in complete shock. My dad came out a long time later, and I told him I felt sick, so he took me back home.
For years I kept completely silent about this incident, because I thought it too bizarre and horrifying to have actually happened --- or have anyone believe me! I am 18 now, and have a tremendously damaged cervix. All of the scar-tissue and tearing will prevent me from ever giving birth. Sometimes I go back to that rest-area, walk into the forest, sit down and just cry. He took my innocence, my spirit, my ability to trust and so much more. I only wish that I had said something sooner, because there's not much hope of this predator ever being caught.
by Mallaryon 27 May 2005
I was 13 years old I was that a concert with my 16 year old cousin and his girlfriend Dana. He and Dana were drunk. My cousin was passed out on the chair, so I said to Dana I would walk home with her. The next thing I remember is waking up in her bed. I was naked with bruises all over my body. And she said that she loved me more then my cousin.
by Jamez Schneideron 26 May 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.