Hi, this is my story, well the parts that I can remember anyhow.
At around the age of 8 my life turned black. I say that because from then till I was about 20, most of my memories involved either my brother or my uncle, being sad or being suicidal.
When I was about 8, my brother and his friends were starting to go through puberty I guess. As I was the only female that they could get access to, I became their learning tool. I was a way for them to learn about being stimulated and receiving oral sex. (If there is anything more, I can not remember it). I do remember at that time, my brother had a lot of friends though. They used to say that they would pay me to perform oral sex on them. At one stage my mum got a bit suspicious about it and asked me. I told her what was going on and she told me that it should not happen and to tell her if they did it again. I was only little, and they offered money, it wasn't a hard choice for me. I let it continue. After a number of years, we moved to another state. Away from the friends and it all ended. Or so I thought.
After only a couple of years of this, we started visiting my uncle and aunt and seeing them at a friendís farm. At the farm, my uncle and I would go for walks. There we would find a place and he would touch me, in different places, and put his fingers inside of me. I didn't think it bothered me what he was doing because I was already damaged goods after my brother anyhow. This continued with him for many years, probably about 5.
The entire time through this and since, I have been trying to find ways to find an endless peace.
Since my husband and I met, for some reason I have been steadily going down hill. It is to the point where I have tried to kill him, just for being him. I don't mean to, it just happens. Now I have just started getting help. I have never told my family the full story, they all seem like such good friends and I don't want to tear them apart. One day maybe.
by cassy-lee on 24 Jun 2005
Hi my name is Danny and I am 13 years old and hereís my story. I was at my boyfriendís house and we were in his room. We started kissing and got on his bed. I didn't think we were going to go farther than that but boy was I wrong. He started grinding on me. But he still had clothes on. I don't know why I didn't push him off. After a few minutes of that he pulled out his penis and started to masturbate near my face then he told me to perform oral sex on him. I said no. He just kept asking and asking and I just said no with tears in my eyes. I was sooooooooo scared. So he just shoved it in my mouth and he grabbed my hair and started moving it back and forth. I started choking. I tried pushing him off of me but he's a pretty big boy so it was tough. He then pulled up my shirt and started touching my boobs. I kept trying to push him off. He finally finished after what seemed to be forever. I don't know if he did anything wrong but I never told anybody because I am to ashamed to tell anyone.
Also Iíve been verbally and physically abused by my father. I remember it got so bad the police pulled me out of school for awhile to talk to me about it. My mom knows about it but sheís never done anything about it. She just watches him hit me and call me names. I've recently started to cut myself. And Iíve been bulimic for about a year now. I steal laxatives form time to time. I've been in a deep depression and I am only 13. Thanks for reading my story.
by Danny on 24 Jun 2005
Hi, I am 14, and last summer I had a boyfriend that beat me really badly. I was stupid, undeserving to live, unwanted, unloved, not missed, a sex object (or so he said) but then finally I was freed when he had to move. Well about a week ago I went to a friends going away party, there were over fifty people there, and he was one. I didnít even know he would be there. I saw him and started to go the other way, he came to me and flashed a knife only I could see, and whispered for me to follow, afraid to death, I obeyed. He picked me up once we were in the room, cradled me, told me he would make sure I was okay, I cried and said no, I tried to struggle, I tried to fight, I tried to beg, to bribe, to plead, nothing worked, I was on the bed, and he was undressing me, none of his promises were kept. He hurt me so bad, I was virgin, and he said he was going to take advantage of that. He raped me every possible way. I am still suffering so much, only my really close guy friend knows, and he keeps telling me he will make sure I am okay, and never let me be hurt like that again. I feel so bad for my boyfriend, he tries to kiss me, and I freak out and start crying, he has kissed me dozens of times before, so he doesnít understand. I told him something happened, and to just trust me when I say, itís not his fault. Now he just holds me when we are together, and asks if he can do anything else. I have nightmares, I am not going to turn him in, and I just want it to be over. Anyway, thanks for listening! Fire_Sky_@hotmail.com
by The night goes on as im fading awayon 23 Jun 2005
My story starts when I was about 8 or 9. I was everything a child should be, gullible and trusting. That is what my "friend" counted on. We would play a game with my cousin called guns which is cops and robbers. He would always manage to catch me, and "pat me down". He would grope my breasts and stick his hands down my pants. I never stopped him because he was so much bigger than I was and he scared me. He later forced my hand down his pants to feel his penis while he was feeling me. I didn't even realize what he was doing until later. He did that on several occasions.
Knowing what had happened to me before should have prevented the last attack. I am 25 years old and consider myself somewhat intelligent. But yet I went on a date with a guy I met in a restaurant. Then I went alone in the car with him despite my misgivings. Things were fine for awhile. I should add that this was in a low populated area so not many people were coming by. Then he just attacked me. I was so shocked I couldn't react, I just kept driving. He pulled up my shirt and mouthed my breast while rubbing my crotch through my jeans. Then he buckled my seatbelt and unfastened my jeans. He quickly had his fingers inserted and was thrusting. It was like I was somewhere else watching, my mind was screaming for him to stop but it wouldn't come out. It went on for awhile and finally he finished by placing my hand on his crotch and asking me to give him oral sex. This is where I snapped out of it and told him no and to get out of the car. I'm not sure what to do. I need to tell someone but I am afraid to so this is my help for now. I'm trying to get the courage to tell my best friend the truth and I hope she understands.
by renaon 23 Jun 2005
I had met this guy a few weeks earlier at a club. We had sex the first night. I went up to the beach with the girls. He kept calling me so we could hook up that night. We didnít meet till after the club. My friends didnít like him because he seemed shady so they went home. Besides he was military. They all kind of have a reputation around here. On our third encounter he was with his roommate. I had only met him once before that. I didnít even remember his name. He seemed to be indirectly flirting with me. I felt a little uncomfortable, but didnít think anything of it. We went back to their place and watched a boxing match. Then we started to make out in his living room in front of his roommate. I stopped him & said something like; "not here your room." So we went back to his room & had sex. The next morning I had fallen asleep naked. When I woke up his roommate was on top of me. I thought I woke up in a nightmare. I didnít even know how to react. I was in shock. 30 seconds later he gets up & says...If you want more come to my bed. I jumped out of bed & started crying & scrambled looking for my clothes. I ran to the living room. I was like, "what are you doing' to me... I can't believe you would do this to me. I was so hysterical I ran out of the apt...I started running outside. I couldnít even find my car. HE called my cell, and said not to go anywhere. I finally found my car. I stayed... I told him everything that his roommate did. He said can I buy you Breakfast. I was speechless. I couldnít believe it. He begged me not to go to the police. He said it would ruin THEIR lives. I went home took a very hot shower. I wanted to scrub my skin away. I tried to act normal. My mom saw right through me. I broke down... I felt so dirty. I tried to figure out where I went wrong. Did I act a certain way I wasnít supposed to? I went to the police with my sister later on that day... I still can't believe him saying..."Can I buy you breakfast?"
by keilaon 22 Jun 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.