On March 5th 2005, I was raped by my 17 year old brother. I am 15 and I am so angry.
by lokaon 6 Jul 2005
My name is Stephanie. I am 14 and I live in Australia - My parents divorced when I was two years old - My father use tog abuse my mother and sisters and then cheated on my mother and left her for a women almost half his age. They married and have 5 kids of their own and his abuse towards us still goes on just with words rather then violence.
When I was 12 I made the biggest mistake of My life - I went to my friends brothers party. All was going good, then my friend decided to leave me for her boyfriend so I was left without knowing anyone - A guy started touching me and kept trying to do me, I pushed him away and went outside to get away from the party only to find the guy who would make my fate.
He and I started talking for about an hour and I thought he was "a nice guy." He asked if I wanted to go for a drive to the shops and I thought for a bit and then he showed me a photo and told me it was his girlfriend and that I could trust him - trust is not a word I would use for him!
After passing a few shops later, he pulled over behind some bushes at a park and when I asked him what was wrong he said: "I have a flat tire and I thought I could make it to the petrol station so I could change it but it can't wait" I thought no more of it and he asked me to go into the back seat and look for something - next thing I knew he was on top of me with a knife to my throat telling me to do everything he says or else! Thatís when my whole life changed and my childhood was over!
He drove back to the party after he was done like nothing had happened. When we got back to the party, I found my friend and asked to take me home. When I got home, I spent 2hrs in the shower scratching at my skin feeling dirty while washing my blood from the assault down the drain, then sitting alone in my room, with nothing but my computer on crying thinking how it was all my fault!
I got an email from a close friend out of the blue. She knew I wasn't quite right and she tried for hours to get me to tell her - I felt ashamed but she convinced me to see a doctor none the less and that I did!
I continued to blame myself for his actions, and after we went to trial the judge said that I played a role by getting in the car with him and only put him away for 3yrs. My mother got an appeal and a new judge, who looked at all the evidence and put him in jail for 25yrs - Not long after I tried to kill myself and was found unconscious and not breathing on the bathroom floor I was revived by my step brother and rushed to hospital and spent days receiving treatment for the damage that I did to myself.
My parents thought that it would be best to place me in a full treatment facility where I would stay there till I could gain control of my life. After 3months there I was finally allowed to go home - the transition was the hardest thing - I was still feeling guilty for what happened and even after the 3months I still wasn't fully over wanting to punish myself
I started cutting and not eating and what I did eat I would throw up.
A month later my Mum found out she had cancer and is still fighting, as am I!!!
I know more then anything that life is precious and you need to hang on, and fight with all you have to get through it - nothing can be worse then giving up. I learnt that the hard way! Why should I throw my life away when my mum and other people are fighting everyday to keep there's?
I don't know if this has helped anyone but I hope so!
Love Stephanie x
by Stephanieon 6 Jul 2005
This is the first time I've ever talked about this outside my family. When I was 14 my parentsí "FRIEND" use to come over all the time. He was 27 at the time. He always wanted to hangout with me, but I could never figure out why someone so old would wanna hangout with someone so young. It all started in the basement of my own house. We would watch movies and he would make me feel his penis as he touched me all over. He told me if I ever told anyone then he would hurt me. So I kept my mouth shut. As months went on nothing more happened until a night I went over to his parentsí house to watch a movie. His parents were at work so we had the house to ourselves...:( I sat down and he sat behind me and started rubbing my shoulders, and slowly started taking of his clothes and mine. I could feel my heart pounding and my eyes starting to tear up. He through me over his shoulder and took me to his bed. He took rags and tied my arms and legs down so I couldn't run and wrapped a rag around my head and in my mouth so I couldn't scream...all I could do is Cry as I thought about dieing. It went on for hours. After about 30 min, I blacked out. I don't remember much from then on but after it was all over his sheets were soaked in blood. He didn't want his parents to find them so he through them away. I told him I needed to go home and he took me home. He told me if I were to tell anyone one then my family would be in danger. Iím now 16, my birthday is June 9, and I finally told someone for the first time 3 months ago. I now can't have kids. I wish I could have stopped it. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It took a load of my chest.
by Savannah Meghanon 5 Jul 2005
I will tell you as much as I can remember. It was April 8th 2005 (I am 14) and my friend *A.J's* mum said that me and 8 other girls could all have a sleepover whilst she went out with her husband. I rang my family and it was all sorted. Now all we needed was vodka and boys! So we got the 3 liters of vodka and 6 liters of lambrini and rang our boy mates who we hung around with. There's about 30 altogether but only 20 turned up. By the time they had got there I couldn't even stand as we had been doing shots and I had stashed a liter of vodka down the back of *A.J's* sofa. I drank it sneakily to myself when no one was looking. The next thing I remember was lying on a bed being sick all over, then 3 boys came in and asked me for sex but my response was no f**k off. But one jumped on me whilst the others shut the door and turned the light out. After that it goes a bit hazy so I think I must have passed out. Then I remember my best friends walking in and telling the lad to get off me and they were dragging him off me. But he swung his arm at them and his friends come and dragged them out. Them after that he pulled out and walked out... I was relieved...Until his friend came in and jumped on me. I think I passed out at that point because all I can remember is waking up in my own bed at home. After I asked my friends what had happened they said my dad picked me up after those two lads raped me. My dad does not know (as I only live with him). It would brake his heart if I told him this because my twin sister and me are all he has got left in this world. Now I often see these lads and they smile and ask if I am up for sex again! HOW DARE THEY?? I was never up for it in the first place! I really donít know how some people do this I am finding it very hard to get over it after they took MY virginity! It was MY virginity not theirs! They had no right to take it that way! For all of you out there who are a victim of rape...We will all survive...Somehow
True Friend x-x-x
by Friend on 4 Jul 2005
I was almost 18 & pretty naive, having just moved from a very small town [about 6,000] to what seemed like THE BIG CITY [80,000 or so] to me. I was questioning my sexuality - I knew I liked girls, but I wasn't sure whether or not I liked guys.
When I met him, I felt something I'd never felt for a guy before, so I figured it must be love. Plus, he was a few years older than me, and I was flattered by his interest. For some reason though, I refused to "consummate" the relationship & about 2 months into it, I realized I wasn't into guys at all. So, being fair, I broke up w/him. He didn't take it well. He trashed my car, threatening phone calls & emails, etc. I got a restraining order & since he ran a well-known business, and couldn't afford to ruin his name, he left me alone.
Out of the blue about a month later, he called & asked if we could talk. I met him at a coffee bar, and he apologized for everything, and said he wanted to try to be friends. Sounded good to me-like I said, I was naÔve, and very trusting.
We talked on the phone every now and then, and he seemed to be the nice guy I'd first met. So when he called a couple weeks later to invite me to a party at his place, I accepted without a second thought.
I'm pretty sure he slipped something in my drink because, all of a sudden, I was sleepy. I woke up when I felt someone touching me, and I realized I was naked and some guy was trying to penetrate me. I couldn't see him because the lights were out. I told him to stop. He did for a minute and said, "But they told me you liked me." I realized he was this slow kid who hung around the "cool" guys, wanting to be one of them. He said, "They told me you liked to pretend you don't want to do it, but you really do" and tried to enter me again. He was less than halfway inside me, and I told him again to stop. He asked if he was hurting me. I said YES, so he started to pull out but didn't quite make it before...you know. I'd never been with a guy before, so I was disgusted, and told him to just get the f--- out.
I was getting dressed when my ex came in, acting very mad, like he had no idea this other guy was going to try something with me. He asked exactly what happened. I told him, and he said, "Guess that means you're still a virgin." I thought that was a weird thing to say. Then he asked, "Did he hurt you?" I said, "A little," and he said, "That was nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you."
He pushed me back on the bed, and got on top of me. I fought him and managed to scratch his face. He said, "You can fight me or you can lay back and be quiet, either way I'm gonna f*** you." I still struggled but he straddled my shoulders and pinned my arms down, then made me perform oral sex on him for a few minutes, then laid on top of me again, then he forced himself inside me. I was completely dry, and thought I was being torn in half. When he finished, I was crying and asked him WHY? He just shrugged, and said, "Why not"? Then I asked if I could get dressed and leave.
He said, "We saved the best for last." When he said that, another friend of his came in & my ex said, They raped me again & said if I ever told anyone, they'd do kill me, and my sister.
I got dressed & left, still bleeding & in a lot of pain. I went in my room & stuffed all my clothes way back in the closet cos I didn't want to touch or see them ever again. I got in bed & it was like I was in shock, I couldn't even cry. My sister came in & asked what was wrong. I told her I was having a very bad period & just needed to sleep.
But I wouldn't stop bleeding so I went to ER in the middle of the night. The nurse kept asking me if I was raped but I refused to answer her. They sewed me up & sent me on my way.
When I started feeling sick every morning, I went into major denial, till my sister finally asked if I was pregnant. I still thought it just couldn't be, so we got a home pregnancy test & sure enough...but I still didn't tell how it happened. It ended up being a tubal pregnancy & they had to terminate it. I've always had gyno problems, cysts & such, plus so much damage was done during the rape, the dr. said it was unlikely I'd ever be able to have kids. Here's the weird thing-I never WANTED kids. But not having kids was MY choice & now that choice had been taken away from me.
I became very angry & destructive-to myself & others. I did drugs & got into a lot of fights in which I was very violent & caused more than a few injuries. It was 6 momths before I told anyone about the rape. I figured there was no chance the cops could do anything about it, but I wanted to tell them anyway because one of the guys was a known sex offender. Maybe they could stop him from hurting someone else.
By some kind of miracle, I ended up w/the best cops & lawyer on earth. They thought of EVERYTHING & made me remember things I'd forgotten-like my clothes in the closet, among other things. During the investigation, one of the guys [the slow kid] killed himself & left a note that basically turned the other 2 in. The outcome: they are both in prison for a long time.
There's a lot more to this story, but I've gone on long enough & I'm afraid I'll go over the word limit! That was almost 2 yrs ago & I have done a lot of healing, though I still have more to do. I've learned how to manage my anger & most of the time, I can overcome my fear & I'm starting to trust people again, though not as easily as I used to.
by abbenormalon 4 Jul 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.