I'm 16 now. When I was around 6, my step dad would come in my room every night, and molest me. He told me he had to do it, and I believed him. I was too afraid to tell what was going on. It hurt so badly.
I was a little girl that was afraid not of the dark, but of someone I was supposed to love and trust. Sometimes I would hide from him, and he would always find me. I told my stepbrother what was going on, and he told someone for me. My step dad went to jail for 3 years. He got out in April, and I'm afraid to go anywhere alone. I have anxiety attacks now because of it all. Even though its over, it still hurts, and I don't show anyone that I'm hurting because I'm afraid to. I don't know why I just am.
Every night I have the same dream from when I was a little girl. I would be laying in my bed and hear the door slowly open, and then slowly close. I would hear his piercing voice saying "I know it hurts" and then I would lay there and cry till it was all over. He would then leave and the next day it was like nothing happened. You know it makes you feel like it was all your fault, and you think, "I should have told someone. Maybe if I did, none of this would have happened to me."
by Nicoleon 25 Jul 2005
Thank you for helping me.
Three months ago I was raped. I went on a trip with my cousin, her husband and a friend they knew and trusted. We only had 2 tents and the plan was girls with girls, boys with boys. But it didn't happen. My friend and her husband fell asleep in one tent, so the only place left was in the tent with the other male friend. I feel asleep. But then woke up when he hit me on the head. I felt him using my body, and it got worse. He made me do stuff and penetrated me digitally. People are so cruel. Many do not qualify it as rape because after I woke up I was so scared I just did what he said. I have also been emotionally and physically abused by my father, and that was also one reason why I didn't fight back. I was taught that you do what a man says, no matter what.
That was my first sexual experience and I am angry. Thank you for helping me realize that I am not alone. Please seek the psychological help needed to overcome this tragedy.
by strugglingon 23 Jul 2005
It is very difficult to discuss rape when the perpetrator is in a position of authority such as a star athlete, a doctor, an attorney, a police officer or a teacher. In fact, it may take years. One might never be able to talk about it ever. When it is a credible person in authority, they call you crazy and they are believed. Society wants to believe them heroes. When they are believed rather than the victim, it is much worse for the victim. I have found, having been a victim of domestic violence on many occasions by people in authority, that the best thing to do is to say nothing and just leave. Maybe leave the state. Maybe leave the country. When I told therapists about it in the past, they added to the pressure on me. They also made my life more difficult. I was not allowed to be upset. It was worse still when I got stalked. The stalker did not want me believed by the therapists. It was a vicious cycle of destruction on me. I got sexually harassed for 8 years, and I was stuck because of my son. Thank God I finally left the state. I want the best for my innocent son.
by anonymouson 22 Jul 2005
It was just last year. I was 14 at the time. We had just gotten ready to go to bed. It was really cold. He came over to "keep me warm". Then he grabbed my face, and started kissing me. He dragged me into his tent, and put a pillow over my face. I tried to fight him off, but he was just too strong. He ripped off my pj's. It was so cold. He started to touch me everywhere, and then he forced himself in me. I screamed but no one could hear me. After what seemed like hours, he was done with me. I just got up and left. It wasn’t until the next morning that it hit me... I had been raped. I took a long shower, but I still felt dirty, and every now and then I get nightmares. To this day my parents still don't know...
The only person that really knows is one of my best friends. She’s been helping me through it.
by .:*Scared*:. on 20 Jul 2005
I am a 58 year old widow.
I endured sexual assault for 10 years of my life, although my situation was a little different, and even after considerable psychiatric treatment, I still have a hard time not blaming myself and feeling guilt. At the age of 27, I married a wonderful 38 year old airline pilot, who was a widower with three children. He had two daughters aged 5 and 8 and a 16 year old son who I will call Brandon. I think I was too immature for the relationship. I deeply resented my husband's kids. I was at first abusive and punished my stepchildren unfairly, often hitting them.
Brandon cornered me in the basement and told me that he would "pound me" if I ever hit his sisters again. I hit him and tried to spank him, but we got into a physical fight, which ended with him pinning me and very roughly raping me. It was painful, and the most humiliating event in my life. I didn't tell my husband, or anyone else, because I didn't want to lose my marriage or be accused of having sex with a child. On two or three other occasions when I spanked my stepdaughters, Brandon retaliated again by angrily raping me. Until then, I didn't know that there could be angry sex. Even after he forced me to correct the way I treated my husband's daughters, the rapes continued. Although I was on birth control, I became pregnant when I was 29 and I don't know if the baby is my husband's or his son's. When he knew he was alone with me, Brandon would roughly rape me. Often leaving my legs and hips bruised. It became routine and continued until my husband suddenly passed away when I was 38 and Brandon 25. At that time, I no longer had to be concerned about my husband knowing about my relationship with Brandon, so I told Brandon that the rape would need to stop. Brandon eventually apologized and we both began psychotherapy, separately and together.
Today I enjoy a good relationship with all four of my children. Although more than twenty years have passed, I will always be affected by my years of abuse, and the knowledge that I was also abusive. I am also grateful to the psychotherapists and social workers who so sensitively and sensibly helped our family.
by Brendaon 20 Jul 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.