I remember waking up in the middle of the night screaming in fear. This is because my stepfather would come into my room and penetrate me with his fist. I would wake up in shock and start screaming because i was confused about what was going on. He would then stand at my door with a towel wrapped around him asking me what was wrong just as if nothing had ever happened to me. I felt like I was going crazy. I made myself believe that nothing had ever happened and that perhaps the feelings I experienced were nothing more than extremely bad nightmares...I can't stop the nightmares. Every time we went for drives in his car the fear of god would rush through my body but when I got home I would wander why I was worried about going in the car with him.I know now that is called disassociation, yet why do I feel like I am still going crazy.
by Victoriaon 25 Jan 2006
It is very hard for me to tell my story. I have been to counseling and therapy to help but still nothing is helping. My story begins one night after a basketball game my boy friend at the time told me to come over after the game because he was having some people over and we all were going to hang out. When I got there no one was there yet except a friend from school. After a while of waiting some more people came and we began to have some fun just hanging out. After a while I had to use the restroom and since my boyfriend's room was in the garage I went to the back of the garage was and went to the bathroom. While going to the restroom I heard the door open. I thought it was my boyfriend just checking up on my but then all of a sudden the lights went out. I thought he was just messing around when me when all of a sudden I was pushed up against the washer and dryer and was being raped. I couldn't move my body was in so much shock and the person who raped me was so strong. All I could do was cry in pain. After a while I finally got away and ran to my car and drove home. The next day I told my boyfriend and ever since that night I haven't been able to step foot in his place.
I was in so much shock and fear that I couldn't tell my own mother or father. After a year I finally told my mother and have been receiving help ever since then. And everyday I have to see the bastard who raped me walk down the hall.
I now have a new boyfriend who understands me and still loves me knowing what has happened to me.
by Kailaon 25 Jan 2006
The other day I told my story. And last night I had a nightmare about it, it felt like I was reliving it. I had been asking for my friends and for my ex boyfriend to help me, to talk to me.. to at least give me some kind of happiness and get it all off my mind. All I keep thinking is of his strength holding my down and ever so often covering my mouth. I can still hear his breathing in my ears and his voice telling me to shut up.
I can still feel his pulse on me, his warmth. I hide all this pain I have deep inside me. I hide it all behind smiles and laughter for the people around me. As i am writing this I am shaking and crying, it feels like I'm 13 all over again. I feel scared and alone. At times I don't I'm strong enough to get through it, but I have to stop and think about the people who do care about me.
Thank you for reading, and the deepest respect to all of you.
by Jadeon 23 Jan 2006
When I was 13 I was sleeping at my friends house. She had her second cousin looking after us. Around about 10 at night he thought it would be fun to turn the lights off and shout "I'm going to rape you!" By that time I was already scared and shaking. I got into the hallway running when he grabbed me, picked me up and threw me into my friends mum's room. I started to scream so he covered my mouth and held me down. I was unable to move and couldn't call for help. He started to touch me in places without my permission for about 5-10 minutes, it felt like hours.. I was so scared. Then my friends came running in thinking that nothing happened. Till this day they haven't believed what had happened to me.
It has been 3 years since then, and not one day passes where I don't think of it, I get in a total state of depression and suicide sometimes.
But I am getting through it. To all the girls out there that have had the same experience or worse, never give up.. and don't do anything stupid, because there are people out there who love you. You can get through it, just fight.
by Jadeon 22 Jan 2006
That was the date that I was raped... I spent the night at my ex-best friends house. Her father was drunk I mean really drunk and he got me out of bed, he told me that my mom was in a "accident" and there were people up stairs waiting for me. So I got up and the last thing I ever was expecting happened. He grabbed me, threw himself on top of me. I screamed, then was silent the rest of the rape. In my nightmares I still hate myself for not saying anything... I only wish I could go back, maybe done something different. I know everyone says "piper its not your fault!" but if you have been in this kind of situation, then you know how hard it truly is to believe that it wasn't your fault. I have only told one person about what happened, and shes helped me so much in just letting me talk. I see him everywhere though. Sometimes I see him just at the stores or on the streets. He scares me to death but I try not to let him control my every thought. The one year is coming up... every day it gets closer I feel worse, like its replaying in my head.
by piperon 21 Jan 2006
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.