I was raped when I was 13. I am 24 now and it wasn't until the last 3-4 years that I realized I was raped. He was 27 at the time and it felt so good to get attention from him. When he kissed me for the first time, I felt both disgusted and excited at the same time. I figured it was just because I was young and had little experience in matters of sexual interaction. Then, one time, he cornered me in the bathroom while everyone was gone. He told me most 13 year old girls had already lost their virginity by now. I didn't really care about that. I just didn't want the attention to stop so I let him fondle me. But then he started to put himself inside me and I said no. But he kept pushing. I never wanted to be one of those people that cry and whine about how much of a victim they are (it may work for them which is great, but not for me). I swore I was never like that, and that's probably why it's taken me so long to admit I was sexually assaulted. I've never told my family -- I just can't. At first, I was too ashamed and now I just feel too far away from the incident. I feel numb most of the time. I don't think it's possible for me to have a real relationship with anyone. I feel so full of hate and sadness- neither of which I want to get rid of yet.
by Tiffany on 28 Jul 2005
When I was about 8 or 9, my 14 years old male-cousin sexually abused me. I was spending the night at his house, and while I was sleeping in his room he got in bed with me and started fondling me. When I tried to get away, he told me to stay and made me give him oral sex. I would run into the living room and lay on the couch with the cover over my head scared that he was going to hurt me again. My mom made me spend the night over there a lot, and he abused me two more times. My mom never understood why I never wanted to stay with at home, instead of going to my cousins. As I got older, I had a lot of sexual problems, and didn't express it until I was 15. Iím now in treatment and Iím learning to deal with my problems.
by Austin on 28 Jul 2005
My father started molesting me when I was 8. It continued for 10 years. I never knew when it was going to happen. He came into my room at night. He threw me to the ground in broad daylight. He offered me money. He threatened my life. He told me I was his beautiful girl, but he also called me a s*ut. I tried to fight back: I yelled, kicked, punched, and scratched his face... He laughed.
My family knew and chose to ignore it. They'd be in the next room and pretend not to hear. Sometimes my brothers would hold me down and help him take my clothes off - like it was a game. That hurts more than the abuse. Why didn't anyone help me? It has been over 10 years. I've been to therapy but I'm still angry and resentful. I still sleep curled in a ball with my bedroom door locked. I still have nightmares. I can't let go of the pain. It is destroying me and I still can't let it go.
by Mary on 27 Jul 2005
I was molested by my Father from the time I was 5 years old. No one ever knew until I was 19. I had just gotten married and my husband and I spent the night at my Dad's house. He tried to be sexual with me again. I woke my husband and we left in the middle of the night. For a long time I thought I was the only one. Since then, I have found out that he molested many, many, more children. Through counseling and a very good support system, I can say I am a SURVIVOR!!! I am now working to help victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. If I had not have gone through what I have went through I don't think I could be as effective. Although I went through many painful times, I am dedicating my life to preventing and healing. I am happily and healthily married with two beautiful children who are growing up in a home filled with love, respect, and compassion. I have stopped the cycle. That will always be my greatest achievement. Please know there is hope. The perpetrators can take our past, but we can control our future. When I have those days when the past catches up to me, I take a moment to reflect, feel, and then move past those painful memories.
by Tammyon 26 Jul 2005
This is sort of weird for me to talk about. I'm only 15, and I just feel weird saying this because I have read through some of the other stories and I don't think my story could even amount to anything near as bad as what happened to everyone else here. But, here goes...
I was only about 5 or 6 when it actually happened. All I really remember is being on the third floor of my house. I was on my knees in front of the bed. There was this boy who looks to be about 14 or 15, who is naked from the waist down. There is a blanket covering his legs and itís also covering me. I'm touching his private area and performing oral sex on him when all of a sudden the cover is pulled back. I don't know if I pulled it back, or if he did but I looked up at him smiling at me. It was just a game in my mind. He then pulls the cover back over my head and I continue to do what I was doing to him. The worst part about that is I think it was my eldest brother that was living there at the time that did that to me. I'm so confused because I'm not sure if it was. I love my brother and I've never spoken to anyone about it. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll ruin my family. Itís all a memory to be now; a memory that I've had all my life. Before I've just written it off as a sick thought or haven't acknowledged it at all. I don't know why I feel so bad to get this all out now. That wasn't the only encounter that I've had; when I was in kindergarten (still around 5 or 6) I was out in the school yard and out of nowhere I just grabbed my friendís genitals and I squeezed them as hard as I could. He fell on the ground and started to cry and said that he was going to tell the teacher, but he never did. I don't know why. Still around the same age, or a little older, I had this dream where I was at this theme park for kids called Sesame Place. Me and another friend were alone, and we were sitting in the chairs that were side by side. I put my hand on his knee and he said "I'll tell" and I quickly moved my hand. The dream ended. There are many more sick and twisted dreams and sexual encounters that I've had throughout my life but I'd rather not talk about them. I don't know what to make of these dreams. I feel so sick when I think of them. I know some of you probably just think I'm some stupid sick kid who needs help, but I'm serious. I don't know what to do or who to tell. I'm so scared....
by Terrickon 26 Jul 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.