I wasn't raped or sexually abused, but my dad abuses me. It all started when I was young. I'm 16 now. Iíve told a bunch of people my story and nothing has happened. In 2005 I went to a church camp about two in a half hours away from my house. One night I was crying and my councilor asked if I was ocean I said yes. After the 3rd time she asked me, I finally had enough guts to tell her what was going on. She went to find the camp dean, but she couldn't so I had to talk to my Pastor. He said he would do something about it when we got home, but he never did. I cried every night I was at camp, I still cry a lot from it. I just can't wait to get out of that house when I graduate. Because of all of this I suffer from depression and anxiety. I've cut and I still have urges to do it, but whenever I do I just have to remember to pick up the phone and call someone I trust. Someone I know was going to take me to the police station and have my dad turned in, but my pastor told her not to because it was too long of a drive for her. I still kinda wish she would of came to take me. Iím so glad I met her at camp, if it wasn't for her and my Christian friends, I probably would of committed suicide by now. I just want you all to know your not alone. Feel free to e-mail me.
by Rikkion 21 Aug 2005
I remember it happening after my parents divorce, but I think it may have started sooner. My sister and me went to dance class and our mom would take us. One day I didn't feel like going. I was around 8 maybe. I had gotten out of the shower and my father started to put lotion on me. I was young and didn't think anything of it. I just remember it tickled.
Then my parents got divorced. I blamed it on my mom. She was hardly ever at home, or that's what it seemed like. So we moved and visited my father every other weekend. One nigh I woke up to him touching my butt and saying things you would say to a girlfriend. I was crying and confused. He assured me everything was okay and it was normal.
It got worse from there. He started kissing me, touching me and giving oral. I didn't like it, but I thought it was okay and I didn't want to make him sad.
I should mention that he always favored me over my sister. He would buy me more things and talk to me more. I always thought it was because I was older and had more in common. Now I know he was 'grooming' me.
I would always ask if his penis was in me, it was always close, but he said no. I soon found out he was lying.
It continued for a while until I went into high school. I made him stop completely then. I tried to before but he would always beg, telling me he's so sad.
After school started, every time we talked, we yelled and argued. He tried to tell me my friends were brainwashing me, that guys were just using me. He told me I couldn't sleep at my friend's house because I'm dating her brother. Then he told me he was going to kill himself, I made him so sad.
Then he kind of gave up. I still went over to his house but that was rare. He didn't leave me alone. He would look under the door when I was using the bathroom or just come in if I was in the shower. It disgusted me that he though this was normal.
Then he started buying more things for my sister. Having her over more. The guilt was rising up so much. I finally had to tell someone.
The police told me that he was 'grooming' my sister too. I'm just so happy it never happened to her.
I'm still dealing with this. At times I feel like cutting myself again and again. Once after an argument about me sleeping next to him, I didn't, I cut my thigh with a piece a glass that required 14 stitches. I said it wasn't his fault and believed me. Then he left for work and my mom took me to the hospital.
Now he is in jail for a mere ten years. I have wonderful supportive friends and a great boyfriend who is always there for me.
Most details I don't remember or refuse to. I'm sorry to everyone who has been through something like this. Just remember, we are survivors, we are stronger than most and we will be happy again.
If anyone wants to talk for support or whatever, please feel free to email me. Thanks for listening.
by Raineon 20 Aug 2005
I don't really even know why I chose to tell my story, especially since it's so confusing, but I'm going to try. Maybe someone out there can help me make sense of it all. My mom worked when I was a kid, so my sister and I stayed with a baby-sitter who also had 3 kids of her own. One of her kids was a girl a few months older than myself. She and I became friends and spent quite a bit of time together. One day, she and I were in her room with the door closed. She asked me if I knew how to French-kiss. Since she was my friend, I told her that I didn't know. She said she knew how and that she wanted to show me how. Of course, I was about 8 at the time and didn't think anything of it, but it felt kinda weird and I wasn't very comfortable with the whole thing. She told me that I had to keep it a secret. This happened more and more, and it eventually escalated to touching, fondling, and even re-enacting the lovemaking scenes in movies that she managed to get a hold of. Although I am unable to remember all that went on between the ages of 8 and 11, I do remember that most of the contact was initiated by her; on occasion, she would ask me to initiate the acts. I wouldn't want to, but she told me several times that if I didn't, she would tell my mom all about it. Finally, the family moved away, but my mom and her mom, having no clue about anything, would arrange for me to go over to their new house and spend a week. That whole week that I was with them, I was very uncomfortable because she still wanted to do all of that stuff, and I knew that it wasn't right. So I went along with it, and hoped that I didn't have to go back. Fortunately, I never went back after that. Even though I was still quite young and had never heard of molestation before, I still considered her a friend and we even talked on the phone a couple of times after a few years. I know that those experiences greatly affected my life. Where boyfriends have been concerned, intimacy of any kind has been an issue. I know that when I get married, it still may be an issue. I just want to have a normal sex life and I'm afraid that I won't now. I don't even know if I qualify as a virgin anymore, that's how confused I am. As my low point in this whole thing, a few months ago, I had phone sex with a guy I met in a chat room. I'm having problems forgiving myself, problems forgiving her, and the funny thing is, I don't know if I have anything to forgive myself for. I need some help getting through this...pray for me. Thanks for reading this.
by Stephanieeon 19 Aug 2005
I am 21 years old and I have spent most of my life being a victim of rape and abuse, up until now when I am finally seeking help. I have been repeatedly raped, degraded, humiliated, beaten until I was nothing but a broken down mess, and barely human. Nothing left inside but pain. I wanted to die, every day waking to new pain and a new horror. Surrounded by family and friends who had no idea what was going on. I couldn't tell them, I felt it was my problem; it was my fault these things were happening. I thought that they would all look down on me, and that I had disappointed them.
Somehow I got myself out of that situation and I have been fighting the massive bouts of uncontrollable depression since. I only realized the other day that it has only been months since it all ended. Not even a year. Itís still too fresh. And I can't stop the triggers; I can't deal with everyday "normal" life. Somehow I'd trained myself to think that it didn't happen, but it was real, and now I can't stop remembering. I can't stop the pain; it feels like its all happening again. I don't know what to do... please help me...
by Merrylynon 18 Aug 2005
I still to this day remember when I was molested by my father. I was only 12 years old, but I have the suspicion that this was happening way before I could remember. My father was a very violent man, he would beat up my mother, hit her with chairs, the worse type of beatings imaginable. I was very scared of him. I remember that days before he started molesting me, my mother would ask me if he had touched me, because she knew it was going to happen. But yet she still chose to stay with him. I remember him walking into my room and touching my private parts. I was so terrified, I would sleep with teddy bears between my legs, but he would remove them. I never said anything between because he was always trying to kill my mother. A week later I summoned up the courage to tell my mother but only because she kept asking if I was being molested. She still stayed with him. I think the worst part of it was when I confronted my mother as to why she did not leave him, and she just told me to shut up and forget about it. Iím 23 years old now, and still live with my parents. This day, Iím no longer being molested, but I m am still being sexually harassed by my father. When I am in the bathroom I hear footsteps outside my door. I need help. The laws in the U.S. donít help convict adults for past crimes unless you have proof.
by marianna seoaneon 15 Aug 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.