I am 41 and am still trying to heal from a lifetime of hurt and pain. As far back as I can remember, I was molested by just about all the males in my family, father, brother, grandfather, cousins. Those are just the ones I can remember. I have learned to cope after many hospital stays, drs (of all kinds) and a multitude of meds. I went to drugs and alcohol for a long time to deal with my problems and went through men just as fast as I did the booze. I have never been to any sites such as this until now. Christmas is the worst for me, and itís coming up fast. Something really terrible must have happened around the holidays that my brain refuses to release. I am hoping that by talking with others maybe I can remember that last piece of the puzzle.
by miss Ton 13 Oct 2005
Just so that you understand my story you need to know that my real mom kicked me out when I was 9, bounced around the cities for two years, was then arrested at 11 for shop lifting and then I went from foster home to foster for 3 years.
When the actual abuse happened I must have been about 12, maybe 13 so I was just basically a kid.
Peter and Helen were my 9th set of foster parents, I got on OK with Helen but I always thought that Peter was sort of weird so we never really talked a lot.
One Friday night Helen went out with some friends and left me with Peter. I spent most of the night in my room till Pete came in and offered me some pizza, I accepted and we spent the next 3-4 hours watching TV. He then out of the blue asked me if I had a boyfriend, when I said no he put his hand on my leg and said that I was a nice girl. Then Helen walked in and he took he hand off and I went to bed.
About a week later Helen went out again, Pete did the same thing but instead he put his hand up my shirt and grabbed my breast. I yelled at him and went to my room but he follow me, pinned me on the floor and started touching me, my leg and stomach. He then told me to take off my shirt. I was scared so I did, when he was done he just left. He continued touching me for the next couple of mouths until I was moved again. Peter tried to stay in contact but I never answered any of his letters.
I was adopted when I was 16 and I now live with my mom and four brothers who have all been through bad stuff. It's been 9 years since the abuse but I still have flashbacks and am afraid to be alone with a guy, even my brothers. I'll probably never forget but at least I survived. Thanks for listening. Ashleey "Leeia" Matthews
by Leeiaon 12 Oct 2005
I was raped and now I feel so alone. He lives 3 rooms away.
by Ida on 10 Oct 2005
Unfortunately, I became a victim on July 23, 2005. I was a manager at a local clothing company, and had left work that evening to make a bank deposit and go to my boyfriendís house. I never made it home that night. It started when I was driving to Justin's... talking on the phone... minding my own businesses. Suddenly, I saw blue lights flashing in the rear view mirror and pulled over. When the "policeman" approached my car, I knew something was wrong. He was not dressed in a uniform and had his gun pulled. He then got in my car and had me drive to an abandoned construction area. He took me from the car, behind a building, where he beat me with the gun, kicked me, burned me, cut my hair off. After over 3 hours, I laid there helpless, pretending I was dead. He eventually left the scene. I was able to locate my cell phone in the woods by following the flashing light. I then called 911, where it took them almost 2 hours to find me because I did not know my location. That night ended at the emergency room... where the investigation began with a very physical, humiliating exam and pictures of my wounds. I then found out I was 12 weeks pregnant... but by then it was too late. I was in the middle of an incomplete miscarriage. The night proceeded with a D&C for the miscarriage and treatment for my injuries. It has only been a little over 2 months, and even though the emotional trauma has caused me to lose my relationship with Justin, I have now graduated nursing school at the age of 19 and am helping young girls like myself.
by Nicki on 10 Oct 2005
I was raped by my only best friend. I was just 15 at that time, and he was about 2 years older. That day, he offered me to sleepover like old days, and I accepted foolishly because he was going to graduate from High school and I was going to go to a college in another country. We talked, joked, wrestled, and watched TV... everything was fine until midnight when suddenly he grabbed me, tossed me to his bed, then raped me, even though I have pleaded him so bad not to! After that he tried to comfort me, said he was so sorry, didn't have any intention to force me, and that he did it "for my own sake". He said many things, but I felt numb and too shocked, so I just kept silent all the time. I felt betrayed and scared of him, and I felt so disgusted over myself. I can't believe he could do it to me, even until now! And I hate it why I couldn't do anything that time. I feel so dirty, unworthy, but I don't have the heart to share it to my parents, since his parents are their friends too. Itís been some years since then, and I'm still avoiding his telephone and don't reply his emails which are full of lies and beg of my forgiveness. I never want to talk about him, even my parents are a bit curious but I eased them by saying that I'm still befriend with him, when in reality I avoid him and anything related to him. I just think it was a mistake and if I tell my parents, there'll be lot of people being hurt and I don't want to make them sad. I'm so tired of keeping this secret alone all this time and I'm wishing so bad that if only I can keep it longer, then everything will be fine again someday in the future.
I've started to date a girl recently, and I think I'm going to get over it. I'm still in the state of denial, I know, and I hope anyone please be kind to pray for me so that someday I can finally forgive him, and maybe I'll be able to forget what he did to me years ago.
by CS on 9 Oct 2005
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.