I was never raped, or anything like that, but my mother was, when she was about five years old; it was by her older brother. She told me that one evening, her brother said he thought that she was sick, so he gave her a bottle of some drugs to drink. She couldn't really remember anything, except for the pain. He continued doing this for about 3 or 4 more years. When she told her mother, she just said, 'Hey, that's life. Deal with it.' My mom was a big drug abuser, because every time he would rape her, he'd give her a bottle of drugs, so she got addicted to codeine. It was hard growing up with her around, because she has always been messed up on pills she gets from the doctor. Now, that I'm 15, I sort of understand what she went through, because we have talked about it, and I can understand why it is so hard for her to trust people. She is trying so hard to be a better mother, and I respect that a lot, but I can never forgive her for putting me through hell when I was a little girl.
by Sarah on 24 Oct 2003
All the stories Iíve read so far are by young women, or older woman, which is why this is quite odd, seeing as I`m only 14, but I feel that if any other teen happen upon the site and are searching for help as I am, this may help them.
Two years ago next month, I was raped. I never told anyone, not a parent, sibling, friend, no one. I was afraid, I felt dirty, and I was just a little girl, 12 years old.
The person who did this to me was suppose to be my friend, he was an 18 year old young man, who was living with us at the time. His older sister and my mother were close friends. After her little brother and mom had a fight, he was kicked out and my mom let him stay with us, he had his own room. He didnít pay rent, groceries. My mom helped him find a job, and try to get a car, and really tried to help him in any way she could to get up and on his feet. He was like my older brother. we did a lot together and I trusted him. Little did I know, that trust would soon be broken.
November the 17th all the trust I had in him was shattered. It was over. I felt lifeless, and lost.
October the 18th, last Saturday, I finally busted, I was so upset, and just wanted to tell someone so badly. I was trying to go to sleep, and I just couldnít stop crying. I got up, and got online, and I sent a message to my friend Kim. I just spilled it all. I told her everything. We talked for about an hour, and decided that Monday morning we would go to the campus pastor at school so thatís what we did. It was hard, and I cried, but Kim helped me to tell the pastor and the pastor helped me tell my mom.
My mother and I have decided that weíre going to start by getting me to see a rape counselor. Weíre going to go to the Dr. and get me checked for all STDs absolutely possible, and then, weíre going to press charges.
This man is now 20, and Iím now 14. I now realize that I really didnít do anything wrong. I was a little girl, and I had no control over what happened, I did my best to make it stop, and thatís all you can do. Iím still just so glad that Kim was on that night, because if not, Iíd still be alone dancing in the darkness.
by Lizzie on 22 Oct 2003
I donít really know what to say.... about three days ago I was on a trip with my organization from college. There I met the guy who all the girls thought had it all, the look, intelligence and charisma, funny thing is I knew he was attracted to me and I was attracted to him. When he came to the hotel room where the organization was staying for the weekend I though nothing of it and let him into my room. I mean, I have been safe so far and after living on a campus you kind of get comfortable fast with people you meet and think nothing of them entering your room. Well we talked, he kissed me and I moved my face... he said ďrelax...Ē I said I did not want to have sex and again he said fine. He did not have a condom. He kissed me again. I told him NO but he pushed on to the bed. I tried to push him and he pinned my arms. I tried to kick him and his body held my legs. He held me down will he pulled my pants and underpants of with his hands. I said no again and again and after a while it felt as if I was no longer there. I looked at the ceiling and I removed my emotions from my body.. He asked if I liked it, I said no... He asked again and I said ďif I say yes will you get off of me?Ē He agreed. I said yes and he leaned up. When I thought he was getting off he continued to rape me... afterwards when I was putting on my clothes he took a picture. Will I ever report him? No. He is president of a chapter in my organization, well known and well liked. Will I let him stop me from continuing my life? I will try not to....
by niqe on 21 Oct 2003
This is a little long - but I need to get it out!! My little brother and I were molested by my stepfather from the time I was age 8 to 11. My mother always worked and he would severely beat, molest us and make us watch pornography. He did this on my grandfather's property which was the worst because I knew my Grandpa would have helped me, but I was afraid to tell because my step dad said he'd kill my family. I'd seen my grandfather come outside with his rifle when the man was about to beat us before... (It is only because of my grandparents [deceased] that I have been able to deal with men at all). Nevertheless, I had seen my step dad beat my mom badly - so I didn't tell. When the cat came out of the bag it was because my 4 years old brother told a cousin, who called law enforcement. He was taken away but only for three months. At that time my mom went with him several states away and took my brother - I managed to convince her to let me finish the school year out at my grandad's. Months later when she came to pick me up we were rescued by the police and taken to foster homes (often separated for 5 years). My brother was beaten in some of the homes and I was molested/raped/beaten. Nothing was done about it!! DSS wouldn't let my grandfather have us because he was 'too old' and none of my large family of aunts, uncles and cousins (middle class) would touch us with a ten foot pole. I felt so alone and betrayed - worst of all like those who didn't abuse me always left me. My mom left with her husband and DSS always seemed to move us from 'good' homes because we were getting attached - hence I can't connect to anyone emotionally!! My grandfather died when I was 17 and to me he was the last good man (besides my brothers) on earth. I hate men, I don't trust them and I feel very lonely. So, who would have guessed - I am married. I have always been a man hater, but other than that I have never had any obvious psycho trouble.
Two years after my Grandpa died, I went to school and met a dashing blue-eyed prince charming - So I thought. He was 27 and I was 19, but 19 year olds don't reason. I married at 21 and two years into our relationship (after the six figure job and extravagant vacation he procured for us) he started degrading me mentally and beating me. He has lessened up (almost never happens now) since I started fighting back, but this is not how I want to live. I can't trust anyone outside enough (even friends/family who say I can stay with them) to leave. I am finishing school and determined to do leave on my own because I can trust no one. It is so lonely here, cold and dark........I can't feel hugs, or sex or any good feelings. I have all these abuse flashbacks and feeling again -- I can't sleep. He disgusts me and I can trust no man. I refuse to have children and I don't know what is to become of me... Sometimes it hurts so bad I beat my self and for the past year I have been bulimic. No one knows I beat myself or am bulimic - thanks for allowing me to break my silence.
by Chin on 20 Oct 2003
When I was three months old, two of my older brothers molested me. My mother caught them in the act. I was sent to live with my grandparents with another of my brothers. When I was about six I started riding the bus to school. I was molested about everyday while I rode the bus to school, by a kid one year older than me. When I was about nine, my brother started molesting me. The last time was in June of this year. On September 12th, I told my best friend who is also a victim of sexual abuse. My brother moved out of the house about three months ago and I havenít seen him since. I keep wondering if I should tell, so that he'll go to jail and he wouldnít hurt anyone else but Iím too ashamed of what happened. Soon I will get my drivers license and maybe I can get therapy with out my parents knowing. Thanks for listening. It helps so much.
by Kay on 19 Oct 2003
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.