Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Featured Category:
Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.




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Dancing in the Darkness
I'm not a victim of sexual assault or abuse. Who I am is the husband of an angel who was a victim. My wife was raped at the age of 14 by two older teens, loosing her virginity. Later at the age of 17, she started stripping because of low self-esteem (she told me, 'I was made to believe my body was all I had') which led to being around older people that made shady promises. She started a 5 year relationship with a man 20 years older than her. She was mentally and sexually abused by him. After running away from the past she met me. We are in our late 20's deeply in love and have a friendship, which is built on trust and understanding.
We have been attending psychotherapy together for the past year. She is hit by flashbacks and overpowering emotions which make her leave her body, you might say, during intimacy. It has been hard on our relationship but we have gone for help together and she is seeking out a support group to attend meetings to share her experiences with other women. I pray for all who have endured what she has. I guess I just want to tell everyone that you are not at fault for other’s actions and that just by getting help for the scars you carry makes you stronger than the majority of the people around you. I am so proud of how my wife fights to understand and control her own emotions. My best wishes to all of you in your fights.
by Millsy on 7 Nov 2003

I am 26 years old and I was raped when I was 18. I was having a lot of problems at home. The day it happened I was trying to deal with an argument I had with my boyfriend at the time. I went to a park to try to calm my nerves. I could not figure out how to get to the park, so I asked someone to direct me. He walked me to the entrance and then we parted ways. I was at the park for a while and then as I was leaving, I saw him behind me. I did not really pay it any attention. A couple of minutes later, he was behind me with his arm around my neck. I thought I was being robbed but I only had three dollars in my bag. He dragged me over to an area enclosed by trees where he proceeded to rape me. I cannot remember the details of the actual action. All the time, I thought he had a knife to me neck but I found out that it was a nail file after he taunted me with that fact. He told me not to try to make any story. He said he would leave and I should wait 10 minutes before leaving. I waited for a few minutes and then I ran out and started screaming for help. A car that was driving by stopped and the couple that was in it came out and helped me. Luckily the guy in the car was a special police officer and my attacker was fleeing on foot. He asked me which direction he was headed and he headed the same way. We caught him fleeing the park and he jumped out of the car and held him. I small crowd gathered and someone called the police. I did a formal identification right there and he was arrested. Later I found out that I was not the first. He had raped twice before. He was the first person to be convicted under the “three strikes you are out” law in DC. He received so many years and plus life without the possibility of parole. He was also out on parole for another rape when he raped me, so he received even more time for violation of parole. I still have yet to really receive therapy for being rape and I believe that I am still suffering the effects of it.
by Atlhea on 5 Nov 2003

I’m 25 years old, a wife, a mother of 4, and I am also dealing with rape. I was raped in 2002 and I am dealing with the issues all over again trying to get this monster to pay for what he did. But it is a fight that is taking all the life out of me. See, the thing is I had sex with this man once in the past and now his lawyer is trying to make his actions seem okay, but the thing is this man’s whole case is build on lies. I never had a relationship with this person, but his story is I am just trying to get back at him for leaving me. Besides my criminal case with this person, I also have a restraining order case going on with him, and for some strange reason he is trying to fight that too and everyone is telling me that it doesn’t make sense. I need help. I feel like I'm going to loose my mind and hurt myself, please someone talk to me...... You can reach me at NatalieWolford@hotmail.com
by Natalieon 27 Oct 2003

I'm not really sure where to begin; it's hard to talk about as I'm sure most of you know. It's a rather long story, but I'll make it short.

It began for me at age 8, as a young, innocent girl. My brother, who was 6 at the time, and I, had a male babysitter. He was about 18 years old and a family friend, so it was never thought about twice when he came to our house to watch us. He babysat us at least once a week, and everything went on for at least a year, maybe more, it's hard to remember exact details. But anyways, my brother was physically abused and I was physically and sexually abused. He used to threaten the both of us, which is why nothing was ever said to anyone right away. I remember he would tell us he would hurt our family or tell our parents we were bad (which is huge when you're a child, that's the worst thing possible) if we ever said anything, so our mouths were kept shut. My brother and I both got beat up on a weekly basis, whether it was being thrown down the stairs, hit, etc. That alone killed me, not only being beat up, but also watching my little brother get hit. It didn't end there for me though. He used to send my brother to bed early every time, and after, take me to my room. The things that went on there and the things he did to me and even made me do are unbearable to even think about, but I'm sure you can imagine some of the things that went on. He even used to make up games for me to 'play' along with him. It's so hard to talk about...
Finally, after a year or more, after he told me he would kill me if I didn't do what he said, I broke down. The next time he was supposed to come babysit, I completely broke down to my parents, crying and telling them all. I remember, vividly, standing on the counter of our kitchen crying and begging them not to let him come over...It completely tore them apart.

Now I'm 20, and it still tears me apart. It's so hard to deal with. After everything, I was sent to many doctors, therapists, and so much more. It only scared me more. Eventually, I quit therapy because it just made things worse...just imagine having to tell a complete stranger everything as a little kid. Now, things are just even harder. When I think about my childhood, that's pretty much the only thing that I can remember. It has completely taken over my life. I lost my innocence as a child, and now, that same scared little girl still controls my life. There are days I'm fine, then there are days that I have flashbacks and just go into depression. I hate how it controls my life, but I'm still to scared to get help, and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of that scared little girl controlling my life. I'm tired of being afraid, being ashamed of myself, and everything else. My parents, still today, think I'm ok because I refuse to talk to them about it because when it all happened, it completely tore our family apart. I hate feeling like a burden to my family and to my few friends who know about it. I just try to keep to myself, but it's tearing me apart. It's so hard to talk to others, because I have yet been able to find someone who knows what it's like, who understands. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand...

I guess I'll stop here...but please feel free to email me to talk...I could use someone who understands to talk to, and I'm sure some of you could as well...buffa03@hotmail.com
by Michelleon 27 Oct 2003

It started when I was 13 years old. I was molested by my dad’s best friend and his girlfriend. We knew them for years. They offered to help me with my homework and for the first few months that is what they did. But as time went on they would tell me that my parents did not love me and they could show me the love that I needed. That is when they started to touch me. I was never allowed to leave their house unless I French-kissed them both. After being told that that is what real love was you begin to believe it. For some stupid reason I kept going back. I will never forgive myself for that. I finally told a teacher at school because he tried to rape me and I got scared. The teacher called my mom and told her. We went to court and lost because there was not enough evidence I was so embarrassed and ashamed, I really wanted to die. And then 4 years later I was 19 and I was dating this guy. He was really nice at first and then one night I was over at his house and he started kissing me and I asked him to stop. He said “come on, don't you like me anymore?” I said yes but I didn't want to have sex yet. He got really pissed off, sat on the couch and said “you don't like me anymore because I am fat and ugly” I told him that it was not true and then he grabbed me , threw me on the bed and raped me. I never told anyone about the rape because I never wanted to go through a court case again and be humiliated like that again. I am now 26 single and afraid of men. I would love to get over this and have a relationship with some nice guy. I feel so alone.
by Sandra on 27 Oct 2003

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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