I know this sounds really weird but here it goes. I have memories of being molested but I dont know if they are real. They feel real but sometimes I dont remember. My mom went out of town and left my brothers me and my sister with a friend of the family. We thought we could trust her but we were wrong. She liked to keep us seperated she would make the girls go outside and keep the boys inside and vice versa. When my mother came back she noticed the difference in us. She asked what happened and my brothers told her they were being abused. I didnt say anything because I felt like I was the big sister and I was supposeed to protect us. I really believe I was abuseed because I can see it in my dreams and sometimes flashbacks. It's hard because I'm confused. This has affected my personal relationships with people and I need help.
I would like to talk with someone.
by confusedon 15 May 2004
My story starts with my mother...she married my father when she was 23 and had me and my twin brother Luke when she was 25. My father died when she was 5 months pregnant. She married my stepfather when luke and I where 1. He legally adopted us. Then when I was 3 my mother died and because he had legally adopted us we stayed with him. He started abusing me and my brother not too long after my mothers death. He wouldnt let us eat for a few days or lock us in a closet for no reason. He would beat us and he put us both in the hospital a few times. The nurses would ask questions but he was a good liar.
It wasnt until I was 4 that he started sexually abusing me. He didnt rape me but made me perform oral sex on him. He told me that all daddies did what he was doing and because I was young and he was the only male figure in my life I believed him. He said that all daddies did that and you werent suposed to talk about it to anyone. When I was 7 he raped me. Luke new what he was doing was wrong and tried to stop him but he locked him in the closet until he was done. The next day Luke told our teacher everything.
We where taken from him right away and put in foster homes. I quit speaking to anyone but Luke. When we where 11 we where put in a home with a woman an her husband. He raped me not too long after we got there. I told and we where yet again taken. Now im 14 and we are living with my new adopted family. I live with a man named Ronnie and my 4 adoptive brothers and Luke. I live with 6 males and no other females and believe it or not I've never felt safer until last week. My brother, Kyle's best friend raped me. Hes 17. He came over when no one else was home. I dont want to tell anyone because I love it here. I dont want to have to move again. But he's always here. I've been cutting myself also. Its the only way I feel any better... I really dont know what to do so if anyone out there can connect with how I feel, I dont have email but you can reach me at my aim screen name : PzychoMonkeyz
Thank you for listening to my story.
by jessica on 7 May 2004
When I was seven, I was living in Eldora Iowa with my mom, older sister, older brother, and younger brother. My older brother(who was 16) was heavily into several hallucinogenic drugs at the time. Once he had a few friends over and they all did several different drugs that night. My parents weren't home. In his state then, I have no doubt in my mind that he didn't know what he was doing. But, at the age of seven, I had lost my virginity. I felt so guilty for the next three years...when I was ten I finally had the courage to tell my mother what had happened. My brother was sent to a boy's correctional facility in Warland, Wyoming. But this wasn't the end...I went to therapy...they recorded every word I said. I felt like they all looked at me accusing me of something horrible. Even my mother made it seem a sin on my part.
A year later, I was raped again. I was eleven, my babysitter's husband was forty-six. After it had happened, he stuffed a twenty dollar bill into my pocket and told me to put my pants back on. I didn't know he had put the money in there until my mother asked me where it came from. I couldn't help but cry. I was just eleven, and I felt like a whore. My mother denied that he would have done anything like that. He was a happily married man, why would he? I just felt so dirty, like I would never be the same person. I'm not. And my mother and I have never gotten past the fact that she thinks I lied about being raped. There is no longer any trust in my life, not from me to others or for me from my mom. I am deathly afraid of relationships because of the physical aspect. I just don't feel right anymore.
I'm only sixteen, so it's been five years. Five years later I feel worse than ever.
by Krysiaon 28 Apr 2004
Here's my story... When I was 16 I thought I knew everything. When my parents asked me not to go out of course I went anyways, because hey, what do they know... right? Well, I had the mind set of any other 16 year old girl, wanting to go out and have fun. That night wasn't exactly fun... Against my parent's wishes I left the house with one of my friends, we decided that for the first time we wouldn't come home that night. We got to a house party where my boyfriend at the time was. I walked in and found him cheating on me, so of course I was devastated. A drank more than I ever will for the rest of my life that night as two men were "helping me" deal with the pain of being cheated on. I was young and dumb, but we all were at one point or another in our lives. I started complaining about being tired so one of the men who lived in the house brought me upstairs and said I could sleep in his room.(he said he'd sleep downstairs) He carried me up the stairs and set me on the bed. The next thing I remember is him taking off my clothes, I remember asking him what he was doing and telling him to stop- he said that he was just giving me some pj's... well, that wasn't the case- He raped me, the entire time I remember screaming for someone to help me... I was calling my boyfriend's name, he was still in the house... but no one came. I woke up the next morning naked on the floor. I heard my mom's voice, she saw my friend's car in the driveway- I guess she'd been driving around all night trying to find me. When she got me in the car she said "I knew you were safe when I saw the chruch across the street" I'll remember that forever, it's pretty hard for me to have faith after that. I have some issues now with trusting both God and mortal men. I dropped out of highschool soon after and shut myself off from the world all together. I never told my mom until a Tori Amos concert last year in PA. Without Tori Amos' music I don't know if I wouldv'e made it this far. I blamed myself and I still do to some extent- If I would've stayed home like mom said I'd be fine now. But now that my secret isn't a secret anymore I feel free. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor- I've found a man now who is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. He understands that I need to take everything at a turtle pace and is ok with it. He is very understanding and loves every part of me, even the crazy ones....
by Kellyon 27 Apr 2004
I dont know if this is really rape..I was 13 years old and it had affected me and I am now 15...i dont know if this is such a big deal. I think its kinda my fault, I can't remember it in deatails.
My friend Sam called me to see if I wanted to hang out with her and her bf Jeff (15 - who was my ex bf)and his friend Brandon(15), so I met them at this park half way to her house and they were all there when I got there, so we decided to go to her house. We went there and her parents were home and we didnt wanna be there cuz her parents were there, so we went back out. She had these garage thing with a uptars where ppl call it the "spot" thats where evryone went to hang out and if they got really fucked up they would sleep there so we all went up stairs and we were chyllen on the couch and Brandon (who to this day I hate) was like "lets play truth and dare..." and Jeff and Sam were like alright but I was like "theres no point cuz Jeff and Sam go out and so its just really me and u and i dnt like u like that cuz ur like my brother" (I knew him since I was born) and he was like so lets play and I was like nah it aint a good idea. So we fought about playing and so I finially gave in and the rules were if u didnt do the dare that they said to do then u get a chicken and u had to wut ever the chicken was no matter how bad it was. So brandon went first and he dared Jeff and Sam to have sex in front of us so they got naked and they had sex so(which I really didnt want to see), after that dare I should've left right there but I didnt! Then it was jJffs turn and he dared me to fuck Brandon in front of them (I was still a virgin) and I was like nah, Im still virgin and I wanna have sex when Im ready and I wanna do it with some one that Im with for a long time. Brandon was like fine I'll ask u out, fuk u, then break up with u...and I was like nah thats not how it is supposed to work and they kept saying all these nasty things to me trying to make me have sex with Brandon and Sam just sat there then she had the nerve to say "come on, I did. It aint that bad just do it", and I was so mad cuz she was supposed to be my best firend and she was supposed to understand. So they were like "fine u get a chicken", and they said since I didnt wanna have sex with him I had to suck his dick. And I was like no way, I dont suck dicks and they were like well if u dont do it Im gunna go and get dog shit and ur goin to have to eat it and Jeff went to go get dog shit..and I was like I wanna leave and Jeff was like come here I wanna talk to u so he brougt me downn stairs and he was like "u know this is wrong, if u dont wanna do it then u dont have to". So I went back upstairs and then Jeff called Sam down stairs and the went into the house to eat so I went back upstairs and brandon was like are u gunna do it or not and I was like no..so I was like Im gonna leave so I tried to leave and then he held me back and I was like what are u doin get the fuck off of me I wanna leave. Then he was screaming Jeff's name saying "come help me man she is trying to leave". But all Jeff said was like I dont wanna be a part of this, he didnt even help me!
So he kept holding me so I punched him in the face then he smacked me and threw me up against the wall and was like dont ever hit me again if u dont wanna do this then leave so I started down the stairs and then he graped me hair and brought me back up and I went to screm then he hit me and said if I screamed he would kill me..and he was like dont try and fight or its gunna be worse so he took my pants of then his and said put ur mouth on it and I said no. So he kicked me and threw mw on the ground and said put ur mouth on it,...so I did..and he took my hair and started to make me do it..(I was soo scared all I wanted to do was go home) then I didnt and I was like am I done, can I go and he was like no ill tell u when ur done..then Jeff and Sam came up stairs..and then when they saw us they left! Then he got sick of it then he told me to take my shirt off and undo my bra (and at the age of 13 I was already a 36 c) and I was like why and he was like dont ask any fucking questions just do it! So I didnt and he told me to put my boobs together and he stuck his di*k between them and started fu**ing my ti*s, which is call ti*ty fuc*ing!
Then he went down on me and it felt so nasty, I started to cry..then he got up and told me to put my cloths on and leave so I did and I left!
I went home and I threw up. I felt soo gross all I wanted to do was die, I told my mom and we pressed charges but he didnt get locked up. He did later cuz he did it to other girls as well. I feel dirty and deppressed and my dad didnt look at me for a while! To this this day he barley looks at me. I'm slowly getting over this matter, I dnt no if it was my fault or I deserved it. Please feel free to email me firstname.lastname@example.org
by angel (courtney)on 26 Apr 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.