The first time it happened was when I was seven, this older had befriended me and I thought she was nice. My mom did not like her, but I always ignored what she had to say, i should have listened...one day, the girl invited me to her house while her brother was there and persueded me to play "husband and wife" with them, I dont know what role I was playing, but the next the I knew, her brother was kissing my neck and touching me...luckily my mother came to pick me up at that time and I went home, I blocked this incident from my memory until it happened again...
It happened last year when I was fourteen, my family and I went on a family reunion, and my mom told me to go hang out with my cousin who was fifteen, at this time I was smoking and drinking my cousin got us some whiskey and some ciggerettes. By the end of the day my aunt invited me to sleep over at his house because it was so crowded at my grandma's house I accepted.
My niece and my brother went along too.
Well that night, my brother slept in a diffrent room while my neice and i toook my cousins room, he braught up some whiskey, i thought it tasted wierd, if i had stopped drinking it probboly would not of happened but that night while I lay passed out he raped me, in front of my sleeping niece.
At first I thought that i was sick becouse of my aching stomack, but when i bled... I knew.
I tried to think of other rational solutions but it was all confirmed once more when the whole family was in the car, and he molested me under the covers i was laying under. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry I wanted someone to look over and stop him, but no one saw a thing. in a crowded van, no one saw a thing.
It messed me up severly,I began taking drugs heavily and hurting myself. I am still recovering.
to this day i have not told anyone but those in this site, and i hope one i will recover. one day.
by Lynda on 25 May 2004
I was born with a physical disability. I lived with my grandparents for almost 12 years. When I was 13 years old my grandfather started to sexual abused me when my grandmother was not home. He did it for 5 long years. He used to tell me that if I told, nobody would believe me and he was almost right. I told my grandmother but she told me that I was a sick girl and a liar. So after 2 more years I told my best friend and the police. I went to live in a great foster home, but even to this day I have flashbacks and bad nightmares about the abuse.
I am going to heal. Thanks for reading my story. My e-mail address is: email@example.com
by alon 22 May 2004
It was about 2 years ago..I was 14. I was at this party with ome friends and my bf..we will call him *j*. Well I was havng a fun time chilling and talking with people until *j*s friend, Keith, asked me to come back into one of the rooms and talk to him. His girlfriend was in there and I started to get worried. She had told him that I was coming on to his friends and I wanted him and I was being a major tease. I didnt even know this girl. So Keith decided to teach me a lesson. He forced me down and started to rip my clothes off. He called two of his other friends in , Danny and Billy they were all 18 and Sierra his girlfriend was 17. While Danny held me down, Keith put his hands all over my body..I can stil remember the smell of his breath...it was horrible and the touch of his hands makes my skin crawl. I was so scared I didnt know what to do, I started to cry. Keith annaly raped me and so did his friends after wards his girlfriend beat the shit out of me and my friends found me on the bathroom floor half passed out I was in so much pain and they had went and okd my boyfriend...well Keith told him that I wanted it and that I was bein a tease and a slut to them all night so they gave me what I wanted...and the sad thing is ..HE THOUGHT IT WAS FINE..he gave them a high five n slapped hands and was laughing about it..but I was nearly beatenn to death, naked on the floor..my friend Shelly took me home. Ever since then I havent told anyone my mom or anything..I have tried suicide 3 times...I take pills and cut my self to make the pain go away n for the past yeas and a half I have been goin through depression. Im 16 now...and he still keeps threatening me...my bf has tried to stop him but he keeps gettn away with shit. I'm with this guy named Nick now. He's 17. we have been together for 4 months...I have been afraid to be with anyone after whatt they did to me and he is the 1st guy I have been with. I love him so much tho it has taken me a long time to ge to this point. I want to be with him for ever..he has helped me through so much and has promised to protect me. I feel more safe now.. Thanks for reading my story, if anyone wants to talk email me!
by Broken Angelon 20 May 2004
I am 44 years old now. My abuse started when I was 8 until I was 17. My stepfather started coming to my bed when my mom was downstairs with my new baby sister. I didn't know why he kept feeling my chest & rubbing up against me. I pretended I was fast asleep, so he would quit. He used every opportunity to get alone with me...and of course, was intimedating and threatening to me about telling on him. He told me a story about when he was in the military and killed a man outside a bar for bad-mouthing him. That really put the fear in me. This was also back when sexual abuse wasn't talked about, or known about.
Even though he didn't insert himself into me all those years...he did the oral and alot of touching & rubbing. And in front of the rest of the family he was mean and very strict. Little did he know, that I became sexually active, until the time he put his finger up in me and was MAD because I wasn't a Virgin! He asked me who I let get in there?,and I lied. I told him that He did one night he was drunk.
Going back to the time I was forced to know what was going one, he & I were "supposably" finishing moveing from 1 farm to another...He got me alone and at that time I was so naive(9yrs.old)I really thought....WOW is he going to start being nice to me now? He got me up in a hay loft and said it was always been a dream to get naked & roll around in the hay. I don't remember all the conversation & how I was talked into being naked with him. He said I was getting old enough to know about love & sex. And he said he was going to teach me! He started with oral and I swear to God I didn't know what to do...I thought 'Am I supposed to pee in his mouth?'OR not.' Then he said "I will show you how it's done but I won't put it in. So then he starts rubbing me with his penis...telling me the facts of life. Then he wants me to perform oral on him. And I will NEVER FORGET what he said....He told me to think of sucking on a lollypop! After awhile I got tired so he told me to watch him finish. When he was done...I could have sworn he said the white goo was germs. A few years later I learned the correct word....sperm. After that is when I got the 'Don't tell your mom or anyone story" & he took me to the bar & bought me a pepsi.
That day will live with me for the rest of my life...just as vivid as I am writing here. Some of the particulars have faded but 30plus years later there isn't a day where I don't relive that day and the other times after that. He tried really hard to have the oppourtunity to get me alone...just as hard as I tried NOT to be alone with him.
When I was 17 he left my Mom for another woman. I was thinking I hope she doesn't have little girls. Then after a few months my mom said he wanted to come back...I talked to one of her friends that I related to real well about it & she told my mom. I was still so scared of him, and know I had told someone. That I ran away from home even though she said that he wouldn't be in our lives anymore. I was so beat down by this Monster that I physically had to put several hundrded miles between us.
Ironically in the mid 90's, I found out he had died...I went to the grave site services. My Aunt (his Sister) thought I was crying because I loved him...I was crying of the fact I would never have to look over my should anymore, or be scared of him anymore. I didn't feel any love for him ever!
by Rose M.on 20 May 2004
It was about five weeks ago, in health class, we were taking different kinds of abuse, including SEXUAL. I remember in class she looked pale when she heared the stories, especially one like her own. We left class and she came up to me crying and told me what happened. She was young, I'm not sure how young, and she had a male babysitter. He took her into the room and felt her, it was strange. Everything he said just went in and out of her head. She was to young to know what sex really was or what RAPE really meant, even though she was going right through it. I was the first one she told and I had to help her somehow. I got her to tell our health teacher and she helped a whole lot because she also had axperiences like this when she was young. The teacher and I kept encouraging her to tell her mom and she finally did. It was on her way to aerobics classes she and her mom took together. Her and her mom had a great relashonship, they would go to classes together and even get their belly buttons peirced together. She finally worked up the courage to tell her mom and it didn't go well. Her mom did not beleive her and told her it was just her imagination. Still to this day her mom does not beleive her but I and our health teacher do. She is now going to see the school therapist but only she, the teacher, and I know. She seems to be doing alot better now, but........she now thinks that she might of just imagined it also. But I think it is true.
She wrote two wonderful and very touching poems about this and I just wanted to let all you all know.... You are not alone, many others are being treated as you are and no matter what you think, you need help, tell a friend, a parent, a teacher. Tell somebody and let them know. My friend did that and it took alot of weight off her shoulders.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
signed: A True Friend
by A Friend on 18 May 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.