This is very hard for me. It began when I was 3 and a female cousin of mine gave me a bath and put her finger in my vagina. I told my parents and they decided not to confront her or tell her mother, just keep her away from me. Well they didn't do a good job because every family event and holidays that she was around, she would pull me off aside and "play with my cat". She would come to my house every Christmas and fondle me in the closet in my bedroom. That's why I hate Christmas. She would stick her tongue down my throat and just do all kinds of sick things to me. When I was 7, I was getting baptised and had to go to prayer service. My daddy would drop me off over at my aunt's house to wait for prayer service and she would do it then also. One time my daddy almost caught her but she came up with a silly story and he believed her. I was so messed up by this, I thought I was a lesbian. I ended up in many abusive relationships, one which resulted in a son. The father, a drug addict that was so high, he cant even remember raping me. My husband adopted my son and we have another son. I am pregnant with our daughter. This should be a happy ending, right. No, I just found out my parents told my son when he was 7 that he was adopted and have been letting the drug addict rapist visit my son at their house when I would let he and his brother visit. My son has been hating me since he was 7. My other son is confused and my husband is heartbroken. I am a pediatrician with a wonderful practice and great support and I stil can't handle it. I refuse to allow my children to visit my folks and the baby wont visit either. The pain of all this is just unbearable. I will try to seek help.
by Miaon 8 Jul 2004
It started shortly after I was born. My father. I finally told my mom when I was about 3. She didn't believe me. I didn't have words for it. I still remember standing in the kitchen and after just telling my mom that my dad was doing something I thought to call 'enchin' he came in and wondered what was going on. My mom said nothing. That continued until my mother found out by my aunt that I was telling the truth because she caught my father doing things to me once. My mother stayed married to him until I was 5 at which point she also discovered my father was doing this to my brothers as well.
My parents divorce didn't stop the abuse though by my father it did but what people fail to recognise is that siblings many times take over where parents leave off and in my case that is true. My older brother started by being mean. He would taunt me and make me cry. That escalated to his choking me and smacking me around and then locking me in cupboards. When I was 9 the sexual abuse by him began. Just prior to that he had intruduced it asking me if I wanted to know what grown ups did in bed. At first I fought him. After awhile I realised when he was sexual with me he appeared to love me so I preferred that to the hurt of the physical abuse. This was something rampant in my family. My cousins were secual abusers as well. They were several years older than I and I had a sister 5 years younger. I was told to never leave my sister alone with one of them and so one time I caught my older cousin trying to do things to my sister and went and woke my mom up. She told me to get my sister out of there. I was 9 and she was 4. From that point on my mother hid in her room and never paid attention. My brother continued his abuse of me and my brother until he moved away. I was sent to live with him and his wife when I was 17 and it did happen again. I went back to my mothers and promptly got married myself. When my brother showed up trying to have sex with me again I told him if he ever touched me or even mentioned it again I would kill him. That he had no right and while I felt bad because my father was the cause of his sick mind (my brother and I had different fathers)I hadn't resorted to the sickness and it was no excuse. I found out many years later that my brother also raped my sister. she was just a little girl! One other time I can remember was when I went to church camp and my mom picked me up after to go camping with our family. I went walking down by the creek contemplating a wonderful new relationship with God when my brother and two cousins showed up. They each took turns with me. I was 12. Needless to say I gave up my relationship with God because I couldn;t understand how a God could supposedly love me and protect me and allow my sick brother and cousins to hurt me the way they did.
I guess that's all. I am 40 years old now and healthy. This stays in my mind but it isn't always a part of my day. Except that I'm claustrophobic.
by Sheryl on 7 Jul 2004
I thought he was my friend or thats how he acted me and him had known each other for about 5 years since he was hangin out with my parentshe was really nice sweet and funny everything a girl could want until that night he had to stay with us my brother and parents left to go do sutmhing so me and him were stuck there I was up in my room when I felt sumone slip into my bed deside me I turned over and looked and it was him I jumped out of bed I asked him what he was doin in here and he just smiled and said "trying to get what youve bin offering me this whole time" I made it halfway to the door wen he pulled me from it and threw me down on the bed he kept saying i promise this will be fun and he started ripping off my clothes with evry scream and shout it just made him go harder and harder he kept hitting me and telling me to "shut up b**** u no u want it" i cried ver and over after what seeemed like forever he turned me over and started to rape me in my butt i finally blakced out from all the pain when he finally finished he bit my breast and told me "to sleep tight nad well ahve sum more fun tomorrow" and he did the same thing the nxt nite im so scared i cant take this ne more its bin 5 wks. and it hasnt stopped i ahvent told ne so ive started slittin my wrist and i just cant stop i dont know what to do if ne can help me plz email me at email@example.com and i know its my fault
by Ravenon 7 Jul 2004
i was adopted when i was 3 and the sexual abuse started when i was4 by my mom and dad and by my real brother it got worse and worse daily and i am trying to find a chat room to go in to help dealing with this issue
by maryon 6 Jul 2004
on a hot summer night I was raped repeatly for 1 hr by an intruder that entered my apartment though a window. After he jumped on me and at that point I urinated on myself, he put a knife to my throat and asked me if anyone was in the apartment I told him no than he told me if I was lying he would kill me as he held the knife to my throat. At that point he made me get on the floor take off my night gown and give him a blow job, than he made me go into my bedroom and have oral, vaginal, and anul sex repeatly all the while telling me that if I looked at him he would kill me. Than he said to me after I put it in you tell me where it is or I'll kill you, if you get it wrong I'll kill you as the knife was at my back. Whne he was done he told me to find a yellow shirt and that he would kill me when I told him there was no yellow shirt he told me to lay on the floor so he could put the knife in my body. At that point I told him go ahead I went to med school so at least let me show how to do so I die fast. At that point he told me to lay on the couch and count to 100 I got as far as 3 and called 911. I forgot to add that after the rape he made me hold him and tell him I loved him and that I would always be there for him that I do not blame him and I will forgive him.
Well I have not forgiven him, he is now in jail and I am trying to rebuild my life one day at a time. Though the help of fiends and family I get stronger every day. However I still fear the night. I bought a dog and it seems to help but when he barks I can not help wonder if it will happen again. I mean I thought I was safe in my home and I wasn't so really are you safe anywhere?
Maybe overtime it will get easier, God I pray it will but nothing can ever replace what was taken from me that night.
In conculsion if you or someone you know has been raped please talk with a professional and seek help you are not at fault, you did not create this it created you.
by Maryon 6 Jul 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.