Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
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Featured Category:
Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.




After Silence

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Dancing in the Darkness
I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was abused by my stepfather from age 5 to age 16 telling no one during those years. I told my mom at 16 she did believe me but, didn't kick him out. She took me to a psychologist and the doctor was required by law to turn the case over to authorities. So when the police and children services showed up mom made up a lie, which said I was lying about being sexually abused, and the authorities believed us. I moved to Ohio 7 months later and started to live this "normal" life. I married a wonderful man at 22 yrs old. One year after I was having an affair and fell madly in love. It lasted 4 yrs then ended. I started having another affair with an abusive man who strangled me, hit me, stalked me, and threatened my life. I became pregnant, by my husband at 27 and finally got rid of that man. I ran back into my first affair man in 1996, divoced my husband, re-married, have two boys by him, and went into major depression. Couldn't undertand why. In 2002 I finally faced what had happened to me and revealed "details" to my husband for the first time. I finally broke my silence. I July of 03 I started a non-profit organization, filed charges against my stepfather in Pasco Co. Florida and witing the government since from age 10 to 13 I was raped on an AirForce base. I discovered he also sexually abused his daughters from his first marriage and raped my little sister when she was 14 yrs old. I lied at 16 to protect my little sister but, he got to her anyway. I am in the process of filing a civil suit against him also. I wrote a book called "Sick of the Silence" in which I have had printed. My website address is www.Angels2StopSexAbuse.com if anyone wants to purchase it. I have started doing motivatioal speakings about my abuse, mistakes, depression, start to healing, and how I get stronger everyday. My mission is to stop sexual abuse and my realization is because of one little word is why sexual abuse continues which is "silence". By staying silent I was protecting my abuser and no one else. My vision is to protect my future family generations so they don't go through what I have been through. I use my voice and I am not ashamed or embarassed of what was forced onto me for 12 yrs. Every survivor is an angel and angels protect others. I am trying to reach as many survivors as possible to share my life so hopefully they seek the knowlegde to become strong enough to use their voice and help with this crime that is out of control in our society. Society has to change the pattern they have been using for thousands of years and it will take the 60+ million survivors out there to do it. To every survivor....You are an angel and you survived the hard part. It is all uphill from here!!!!! God Bless every one of you.....
Jenny Peters

I am fourteen years old and was abused as a child by my brother, I told my parents but they did not believe me they thought I was just being a drama queen or hypocondriact. The abuse went on until I was eleven. My brother had issues, he was mentally ill and used drugs and alcohol. He got in a fight with my dad and tried to stab him. He tried to strangle me. Earlier he had tried to smash a guitar over my head but he did not. He ran away after stabbing my dad and was arrested. He went to a mental home but he is home now and I am really scared and do not know what to do. He has been home for a year now and i try to sleep in my parents room. They know about the abuse because he told his psychiatrist. I think I am depressed I try to be happy and live normally but it is really hard. I can not laugh without forcing myself and I cannot cry. I freak out when I have to touch someone and my heart beats really fast and my head spins. I basically am a rock. I know this sounds really whiney but really I don not usually so it is all coming out at once. I have panic attacks in the middle of the night. I wake up and think he is there then I think i am going to die. If anyone knows what I should do please tell me.
by confusedon 10 Aug 2004

Hi, I'm a survivor of sexual abuse.
I was molested for 20 years growing up by my dad and my brother and my mother. My dad and brother got me pregnant when I was 13 and 15. I feel so ashamed, I need an on line support group.
by maryon 8 Aug 2004

I had been abused too many times since the age of 6 by poeple that we call, "FAMILY", "FAMILY FRIENDS" & "NEIGHBORS". But my worst one was my father cuz he's my "FATHER". The one who's supposed to be the one loving, caring and protecting me,... HIS CHILD. But it didn't go that way in my life and how hard it is still for me to forget everything that had happened to me as a child and teenager. I guess he knew that someone got to me first and so, he decided to continue from then on till I reached my freshman year in HS. He even tried to do the same to my younger sister which I did my best to protect her by watching her like a hawk with scaring her. Although I saw my dad once, trying to put his hand in between my sister's legs where I stormed in the bedroom and dragged my sister to get up and go. From then on, I realized how strong I had become as a victim of sexual abuse (incest)and that his sickness (which I referred my father's sexual abusiveness as one - a psychological illness to be exact or what we normally refer it as "MENTAL ILLNESS" nowadays).

I learned to fight and threatened him that I was gonna tell if he doesn't stop and he knew that I will cuz he noticed how strong I'm becoming, not only in the inside but the outside, too. That he can no longer intimidate me anymore and that scared him so much that he started making me look bad in the eyes of other people by telling them how terrible i am as a person, as a child. That I'm a compulsive liar and more... till everyone started seeing me a the black sheep of the family. He'd made sure that no one believed me and manipulated the situation so well that even until now, my relatives don't believe me and had stayed away from me since then. I never really spoke to them since then, neither did they and they only talk to me when they need some information about my family. As if I'm just there and nothing more. It used to bother me then but not anymore because I have better things to do and that's to be a mother to my 3 beautiful angels from heaven... Although the nightmares of the abuse still remains...

I'm 36 years old now, a divorced mother of 3 and so deeply full of thanksgiving to GOD for being there all through my life. That even though I'm bipolar with severe depression, severe anxiety disorder and severe insomia, I still managed to raise my children well who also came from abuse since my first and only marriage (forced marriage, resulting from rape and outcome - pregnancy). My ex-h was violent and has raped me all through the 14 years of our marriage and he physically, verbally abused me and my 2 older children (both boys - my daughter was from a relationship[affair] that I thought was for real. he, too, had his own problem - mostly verbal & sex addiction and only one time was hit back by him but his problem is more on child neglect which is no different from my ex-h).

I never really see the marriage as one since it wasn't my decision. Don't be surprised who's decision it was and thank GOD! I had been divorced since Dec. 17, 2002 and although I gave it another try with my daughter's father, I'm back in being a "SINGLE" parent, not "DIVORCED" since the reality is more on my ex-h, marrying my parents, esp. my father. I just saved them from the humiliation of being pregnant and unwed. For short, it was never about me and my child... it was all about their reputation (including the entire clan) and even my family church hid the secrets that until now, people thinks I got pregnant after I got married which they did a good job hiding it cuz I got married in city hall before the church wedding).

Amazing how abusers work their way up in life and how little their victims mean to them... Believe it or not, I presently live with my parents as a stay-at-home mother and taking advantage of living free so I can protect my children from sick people like my father and no, he would never dare touch any of my children cuz he knew that nothing will stop me from killing him. Oh yeah,... he saw me tried to butcher my ex-h with a huge butcher knife when he last beat me up and nearly chopped his head off with it till my father, himself, stopped me from doing it. Cuz he knew that if I go to jail, he'll be taking in all my 3 children and will end up raising them along with my mom and my schizo brother who is mentally ill but not like my father. Just a result 20 years of verbal and mental abuse coming from my father. That is just one thing that he would never want to deal with cuz he's probably afraid what my sons will do to him when they reach the age of adulthood and yes, my children knew everything about my life so they can look at it and learn from it. So far, I got all positive results from it and how proud I truly am to be called their "MOTHER"...

GOD has showed me mercy and made it easier for me to be there for my children cuz here I am, staying under my former abuser's roof and staying home for my children. Believe me, so many times he tried to kick me out but I am blessed with a mother who was the one who took us in and had finally believed me after all these years...

Just remember that its not GOD who had forsaken you, its the sexual offenders that did... Keep on praying and never give up cuz I'm not!

by JaDeDon 6 Aug 2004

I never knew my real dad. When I was seven my mom got married for the first time. I was in heaven. Nick was a great dad- more involved and attentive than mom. He was more affectionate than mom had ever been. She had always been wrapped up in her personal problems. Nick helped my little brother and I with everything- school, sports, friends, whatever. When I was nine mom developed MS. I was scared to death went she went into a nursing home because she was my only real parent and what would happen to my brother and me? I started having trouble sleeping and started going into my parents bed to sleep with Nick. Mom died right before my tenth birthday. From that point on I clung to Nick for security, somehow afraid my brother and I would be separated and sent to foster homes. Thats when the problem started. Nick would hold me in bed until I fell asleep. Sometimes we would do backrubs or cuddle close. After awhile it progressed to fondling and sex. I knew it was weird but I was eager to please Nick for all he did for us. I know now this was rape but because he was gentle and not violent (thank god) I did not see the harm. Sometimes I even enjoyed the caressing. By the time I turned eleven we started having intercourse all the time. That I did not enjoy. I was just too young physically and emotionally but I never resisted because he was good to us. I have strange memories of it like when he got me a pool for my 11th birthday. I had a party with some friends over to try it out. I wanted to be the first one in. During the party I got an idea to have my friends spend the night. I begged Nick to let me and he said he had hoped we could get together that night (his term for sex). I made a deal with him. We could have a quickie now instead. So we sent my friends out to try the pool and I went into his bedroom for a minute. I remember being on the bed on my hands and knees while he did his thing and I could just see through the curtains my friends outside the window in the pool. I was bummed about not being the first one in and then realised to my horror that I shouldnít go into the pool after having sex because what if his stuff leaked out of me? Another time in 5th grade I was sitting in class and a couple of troublesome girls were whispering to each other using sex terms they had apparently just learned. They knew I could hear them and Iím sure they figured they were really shocking me because I was pretty nerdy to them. How ironic it was that only a short time earlier Nick and I had had sex (another quickie, this time before he left on a trip). It had made me late for school so I quickly had thrown my clothes on and he drove me to school. Sitting in my chair I could feel his stuff leaking out on to my underwear and was concerned about it going through my pants. Needless to say these girls werenít shocking me one bit. Sometime when I was twelve I got my period and told him I didnít think we should do it anymore. He agreed and guess what? He stopped and said he wouldnít do anything I didnít want to! That maybe sounds like a good thing but is one of the things that has always haunted me. What if I asked him to stop when I was ten? Why didnít I? Am I just a slut using sex to get what I needed? My teen years were filled with bad relationships with guys much older than me. It always came down to them just wanting me for sex and to this day I have no trust in men.
by Dawnon 5 Aug 2004

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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