Well, I did not actually think I would post here. However, seeing I am not alone can help. I was molested in various ways as a youth of 5 to 9 or so by various family members. I was physically beaten on numerous occasions and endured mental abuse from my mother throughout my childhood. Though recounting the memories may be too much, admitting it and writing it down may be a start.
So what has this done to me? Well, they say I suffer from PSTD, Bi-Polar II, GAD, & OCD. Of course, I assume some of this is related to the abuse. Im in my late 20's now, and it has not gotten easier, I have attempted suicide recently and almost got it done. Frankly, the future scares me, Is one supposed to be scared of living? Will I ever trust? Will the nightmares end? I'm sorry for the sappy message, I just had to get it out.
by Donon 1 Sep 2004
I was just raped on August 27, 2004. I know that he raped me, but I still blame myself. A guy asked me if he could give me a ride down the street. I declined; however, he insisted. I said okay. He never took me home. He told me that we were going to "chill" at his place. I asked him what did he mean by "chill", but he said that we would watch tv and listen to music. I found out that he was a drug dealer and I became terrified. I knew that most drug dealers carried guns. He pulled down my pants while I struggled to pull them black up. He got behind me and ordered me to dance erotically. While dancing, he slid my underwear to the side and penetrated me from behind. I told him over and over again that I didn't want to have sex with him. I did not know him and it's not in my character to have sex with a stranger. I was scared. His house was in front of the woods and all I could picture was myself lying in the woods dead. I did whatever he wanted me to do. I felt so dirty afterwards. He dropped me off and asked me if we could go out sometime.
by Tamiaon 31 Aug 2004
I posted this before but I had changed my email address.
Its hard for me to talk about this but I was sexually assaulted at work by a coworker We were doing rounds and checking on patients when he got me in the room alone and touched my chest then he shoved his arm down my pants and pushed his fingers in me then he made me get up on the sink and forced my legs apart and pushed his fingers in again I was afraid to fight him for fear he would hurt me even worse. I tried to get away and he grabbed my arm then he tried to make me perform oral sex on him. I have nightmares every night of it happening I remember being on top of the sink when he was inside of me and I remember trying to put it out of mind what was happening and wishing someone would walk in and help me nobody did. Im still trying to get over it I get depressed I want to harm myself sometimes I have awful flashbacks. Im able to type it but unable to talk about it verbally
This is a link to support the victim in the Kobe Bryant case I know what she going through
by Lindaon 31 Aug 2004
I sometimes believe that if it wasn't for genetics and upbringing, I would be a happy and sane person, but it is the awful combination of the two that leads me to believe that this is how my life is supposed to be. All of the relationships I have ever had have been abusive in some form. My father didn't hit me or touch me but his very gaze controlled me ever though. My brothers were always very kind to me and at the ripe age of seven I found myself wanting to marry and forever love my oldest brother. This is the only man who ever truly loved me for me. And so I lashed out angry that the people I loved I couldn't have b/c it was against the graces of society, finding myself angry b/c God put me here to be loved fully only by the men that were off limits or otherwise deemed improper for a young lady of my status and beauty. And so how angry could I be when the cousin that I cared for so dearly touched me in the middle of the night his brother sitting there laughing at me the both of then high out of their minds finding my embarrassment so amusing. And what then of my uncle who took my friendly and playful attitude as lust for a fifty year old man?!?! I must admit that I am angry I am pissed that I started off loving those who loved me and society has taken a love that is pure and turned it into mistrust and hatred for any thing with a penis. I am a married woman who recently attempted to view life differently and venture out to find someone who will not neglect me or mistreat me. And so I talk and flirt and I try to find something in this word that will not betray me only to have his hands around my neck telling me what an ungrateful B I am. Telling me that my presence in his house indicates that I want to F him that I will F him or I won't go home, and what then of my marriage. This sorry SOP finds my hestical nature funny, he finds the fact that he is endangering my very way of life amusing. And the time slips by and I realize the huge mistake I have made in trying to be happy trying to find relief. And so I say F it if I am going to get fuc*ed then both our lives will be ruined. I refused to concede and I thank God that his roommate came home, but the fear is still there what if he sees me at work alone?? What if I walk a around a corner after business hours and he is standing there...what then?? I am I healed?? Has my little 'adventure' improved the quality of my life? I don't think so and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to be happy when everyone I love is either unacceptable by society or incomplete to me. And you know I don't even think that the problem is what others do to me...i believe I am hurting myself.
by BlessedTruthon 29 Aug 2004
I am 13. I was orally raped and had to perform oral sex on my mother's ex-boyfriend when I was 5. He threatened to kill me if I didn't do what he said. He took me down to his basement, and put on sex tapes. Then he told me to copy the lady on TV. Then he made me stroke his penis. Then he urinated in my mouth after he orally raped me. Then he took a shower and made me watch him. G*d that was awful. I still hate him to this day. I have nightmares and suffer from PTSD.
Thanks for reading.
by Kelsey on 27 Aug 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.