I was 13 when it happened, so alone and quiet all the time I wish it never happened. Me and my brother and sister had no parents really, they were either out getting high or sleeping with every person they would see. My brother wasnít really there for me either, he was always hanging out with his other friends or sleeping over their houses for usually two weeks leaving me and my sister alone with a friend who lived with us. I shall call him bob. My sister was 14 and I was 13 and bob said that when I turned 14 he would do the same things to me as he did to my sister. Since my sister was older he could do more THINGS to her. Now remember my brother was never there. Sometimes he would rape me 4 times a day and my sister at least 6 times. One day I was in my room playing with my dolls (it was in December 1st so it was really cold) when bob opened my door and walked over to me. I ran into a corner and crawled into a little ball. He took my dolls and broke the heads off of all of them and pushed them under the bed. He came over to me and picked me up while I was screaming "no please stop it, donít make me do this again!" he threw me on the bed then ran over to lock the door so my sister wouldnít come in and stop him. He then ran back over to the bed and spread my legs apart with his feet and pinned my arms down saying "now come on baby I know you want this, donít even try to fight it" he was then laughing while penetrating me but when he looked in my eyes I turned away and he would say "look me in my eyes and say you love me" while I was saying that I loved him I was crying and my sister finally heard it but when she tried to get into the door she couldnít so she started screaming "bob please donít do it, let her go! Take me instead not her!" she was banging on the door. When he was done he kissed my forehead and opened the door where my sister was on her knees crying. When he left I sat up my hair messed up and I smelled like sex. She hugged me and we both fell asleep. When I woke up I was wakened by a loud screaming, thatís when I jumped up and went to my sisters door but when I tried to get in it was locked. You guessed it, bob was doing the same thing to her. I could hear him saying "next time me and your sister are doing something keep your ass out of my business ok?" and I heard my sister saying "you cant do that to her its torture!" he then said "torture Iíll show you torture" and the next thing I know she was screaming and he was grunting thatís when I screamed "stop it bob your hurting her stop it!" I heard something hit the floor hard and then the door opened. Bob was standing in front of me face to face and I saw my sister on the floor crying. He grabbed my arm and said "come on you crybaby bitch" and we went in my room and closed and locked the door. He slammed me into the wall and threw me on the floor and I crawled to the bed. he picked me up and threw me on the bed and stared ripping my clothes apart saying "I knew you wanted me I could feel it" I then yelled "please bob not on my birthday" he paused and said "thatís right it is your birthday aint it? Well I got your present right here" and he spread my legs apart and penetrated me. He told me to act like I was enjoying it or he would kill me so I did what I could. I moaned, I kissed I even smiled as he twisted and turned to satisfy himself then had to lay down on my belly while he penetrated me from the back. Going harder and deeper with each twist and turn until we both cried out when he gave a big jult. He just laid on top of me smelling the shampoo in my hair saying "happy birthday SarahĒ. He pulled out of me and got up and left the house.
That is all I can remember of the rape on my birthday bob was 17 I was 14 (because my birthday was that day) and my sister was 14. Now as I said before my dear sweet loving brother was never there to help me or my sister cope with the brutal rape by bob that happened until I was 18. I am now 20 years old. my sister was pregnant with his child but lost it due to brutal beatings.
by sarah on 11 Sep 2004
I have gone through my life rejecting every sweet man that came along thinking I was not worthy, and choosing only those who belted the living daylights out of me causing permanent muscular damage, and dominating my every move. It is only now that certain events in my life have presented themselves in order for me to deal with them. It is sad for my husband of now, that he has to deal with the fallout.
The first husband never even knew, and for that matter at the time I never realized why I could never commit.
At approx age 11 I was sexually molested by a cousin of a friend of mine. A series of bed wetting did not alert my parents to the fact that something was wrong, it is not their fault if they had have known that person would have been dead on the spot. At this point in time I remember the before and the after, I remember being at home in my own bed that same night and feeling terribly frightened alone and so confused. I would sleep in the middle of summer with covers over my head because I was so scared, there had to be light or I would panic. I would wake up and call to my parents but nothing would come out I was frozen in absolute terror. I then went through my life as I said feeling unworthy of any good thing that came my way. I now find myself crying for the child that was, that innocent little girl... the inner child that was destroyed, I am so angry, I am so hurt, I am so sad. I look at my own daughter of 6 and see myself a little child who is just happy to be!! Or rather I was happy to be until a monster took it away. I cry now as I write about this as up until now I have pushed it aside and soldiered on I am known to my friends as a strong person, the one many come to for help and advise, now I feel like a shadow of my former self I am too full of emotion to even listen to anyone elseís problems. Physical ailments have manifested themselves through my lack of "facing the situation" that I can no longer ignore what needs to be done. I feel like a fool that at my age, I now find myself in this situation. I am embarrassed, scared and totally out of control emotionally. I have been raped beaten thrown out of a moving vehicle, locked in a room for nearly 24hrs and violated over and over, just to mention a few!!! All because of the innocence stolen from me so long ago. I have read stories like mine and could not believe women to be so idiotic and weak as to let themselves get in these situations but as I write I realize I am one of these women, I let it happen which adds to my ever growing guilt. I have never had patience for weak women and I am realizing now why. I have not sought professional help as I have only started admitting to myself what really happened. I scour the internet thinking maybe itís not as bad as I think so I look for other women stories that are far worse than mine. But they aren't because this is me......
I was happy these last 10 years and now this. I feel sick at the thought, physically ill, of going through my past. Dissecting years of torment and not knowing or even realizing the full extent of my pain. Someone please tell me I will be ok?
by Innocence on 10 Sep 2004
Here I set not knowing were to turn. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, I carry in side me 7 alters. 7 little hurt children that come out and are looking for someone to help them. I hate my father for what he has done to me in my life. He is now death but he left without saying he was sorry for what he did to me. I have bounced from abusive relationship my whole life. Now I life for my kids I have 3 beautiful kids, and they love me unconditionally. That feels so good about them. I do have a problem I have not told my family about my D.I.D. Not sure how they will take it, afraid I guest. We all are so dysfunctional. We were raised up in the woods so education is real not there. To understand about this would be hard for them. Anyone that may have been threw this and has advise please feel free to get back to me.
by Dimplesfalleon 9 Sep 2004
It's devastating to my heart to hear the many different ways little kids are being raped of their innocence & joy of life. Mine started at 10 yrs. when my grandfather whom I trusted molested me, then again at 11. I remember the feelings of "this is SO bad, mum would freak, and I am terrified! BIG secret or I'll be in big trouble "Please, you all, don't do the "could, should, would" thing to yourself, because no one is thinking clearly in a time like that, let alone a child or teen. I lost my virginity at 14 being raped by a 26 years old and date raped in my 20ís.Iíve had physically abusive relationships, then unfaithful ones. Iíd always leave & give myself a year or so to re-focus on ME and what I wanted in life & who I'd accept. Itís so EASY to find the WRONG person! Finally, having a baby alone gave me the confidence & strength of Hercules, and the proof from God of unconditional love. Maybe it was that combination that helped me to recognize a truly sweet man trying to be part of our life. Our happy marriage of 8yrs. only has problems when I slip back into my cocoon which happens less frequent over time. I bless all of you who are trying to experience life out of your cocoon. Itís truly worth the fight!
by Lavvva on 8 Sep 2004
Hello, I am 21 years old and was molested by a male babysitter when I was 4 years old. I kept this secret inside me for 16 years. I was so ashamed of myself for not stopping him. I let him touch me and I don't know why. We were on a couch when he touched me and my brother was on the couch across the room. While he was touching me in my pants I picked up a pillow and covered his hand. I guess I didn't want my brother to see, but I'm not sure. When he left I thought I would never see him again, but my mother sent my brother and I over his house to babysit. Every time I saw him I became so frightened and embarrassed that i would hide anywhere until he left the room. To this day, he has made me fearful of older men. Even though I fear them I have an overwhelming desire to please them and be very sexually assertive. I became a stripper for 1 year and every time I would take off my clothes I would feel like I was being molested. I know I do not like this, but I feel like I have too. I have been in therapy for 5 years now and I hope it will change my way of thinking. I hope I will get better someday. I'm so sorry that this has happened to so many people. A child should never have to experience fear and shame from sexual abuse and the survivors have the power to make it stop. Thanks for letting me share my story with you.
by Jessica on 7 Sep 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.