Someone grabbed me in a park, on a dark evening when I was 13. They held me down, and strarted to press it on me. I was weaker than them, and couldn't get away. I'm not gay, this is sick. Really makes my nerves feel so cold, and sick.
I cannot remember the details, and in the end I ran away hurt, and so sick in every way. Never told anyone about this until in later life, I couldn't make love anymore.. Mid 20s and all the feeling and memory came back and shattered me.
My later youth. I tried to hide away, and run away. An abusive father (not sexually), and crazy brother. I forgive them, because not their fault. That abuse came from a generation before.
A family I can never talk to, or be close to, I studied, and worked, and lived further and further away. I moved around the world, and went into insane things, and people. I saw people killed, and raped, and hurt. Dead people, and people trying to live. Mutilation, and real evil. I switch my bad memories for crazy life, and it never got better. Almost give up, but in the end I marry a lost Thai working girl in Malaysia, and save her from the slave life. I have children, and though my world is full of doubts, I try my best to be ok. I am not close to my children, but try to remind them I am good and loving.. In the end, I work, and do my best to be a good man. I have job, and we have somewhere to live, and grow. I finally move away from the bad things, and leave them behind and replace with good. Working hard every day. Let the memories that I dont have leave me alone.
by T on 15 Oct 2004
Hey guys. . I dont know how to day this .. It's really hard for me, but here it goes. A while back my friend had been raped by her grandpa and I have no clue what to do. He's been beeting on her for a while now... and no one in her family knows about it. All her cousins have been raped or sexulay molested by this man. It is driving me absolutly crazy!!! I love her so much and I dont want her goin through this. I'm really confused and scared right now. So please if there is any help you can give me or even advise write it on here and I'll come back and look for it. Thanks you so much!
by bigred on 10 Oct 2004
I really don't know where to begin as I am now 42 as of next month and I don't remember the exact age it all began, but I do know it did happen and it wasn't a lie or a story .
When I was a young child aprox. 8 yrs of age we ( Cousins and I) were at our grandparents fruit farm house and all they had acres of fruit trees found a play boy or something of that type of magazinein what we called the "River bottoms". We thought it was funny, we didn't understand its content really and we chose to show my grandfather whom we trusted and he never did anything to let us believe that it was wrong, we thought wow! Then it started he would finger me in the mornings as he got up early to cook breakfast as he was the best bacon cooker I ever knew and grandma was still sleeping, and this is how I would wake up every morning that I spent the night at my grandparents home, then later he would make me sit by him on the couch
When my grandma would leave anywhere, he would put his hands down my pants and insert them in me. When grandma needed items out of the storage room in the basement, he would get me to go with or she would unknownly, then he would put his hands down my pants and insert them, when he would give me a ride to my house from his after I had spent the night he would put his hands down my pants the whole ride home it was always such a long ride home too or so it felt, I would sit by him most the time on the ride home so he couldn't get my other sister (i had 2 younger than me) this continued for yrs he would feel my breasts up as they started to grow. He also had put my hand on his penis and had my play with it it was so horriable, but I Loved My Grand mother so much i had to get away from home and that was the only place to go that I got one on one with anyone being I come from a mormon family of 5 other siblings, Grandma spoiled us kids when we stayed the night, cooking good food, ice cream you name it, although I knew my other cousins where her favorites. But grandpa couldn't keep his hands off me he started asking me as I was reaching puperty if my Hole was big enough it took me a while, but I figured out what he meant and I just kept saying "NO" it's not I was so scared I couldn't tell anyone for I thought it was my fault and they would think I was lying for attention, I finally just stopped going over there around 13 or 14 it made Grandma sad I think I blamed her too for not stopping him but she never knew I did get angry towards he at times. I warned my little sisters ,but still I kept my secret then he got my babysister and now thats my fault to her life is ruined. She finally stood tall and told the "FAMILY " secret
she was accused of being a liar etc. I confirmed the story as it was the truth it killed my mother she cried and cried asked why didn't you tell me i was supposed to protect you I wish now I had mamybe " OUR" lifes would be different I love my grandma and I love him he's my Grandpa well my Grandma died within 3 yrs after I think she gave up her heart was broken. My Father thinks it's a
lie and now we have been pushed back to silence. My parents are divorced I think it's partly due to this incident. my Mother is great, she knows we are telling the truth. I Miss My DAD, he beleives not and I still feel I ruined my sisters life by not telling. I am now committed to a another woman and my mom thinks that I am only this way for what happened ..I Don't know. My sister is depressed all the time. She's on meds and she trusts no one, not even her husband. He pays for that all the time as they yell and fight and throw acusations of infedelity, money issues etc. As well I'm emeotional one minute I'm fine next I lose my temeper and fly off the handle, then I am fine, things have to be done a certain way or it upsets me a meessy room I get dumbfounded and fly off the room when cleaning it cuz I don't know what to do with it.
So I don't know where to turn now I am not on meds I probably should be one Dr. says I may be bipolar but i can't afford to see a psychitrist
(Don't know the correct spelling ) This is my life, he ruined mine my sisters and my family......
by Vickion 10 Oct 2004
I was 12 yrs old. It all sounds so cliched when I say it back, but this is what happened to me. I wish it wasn't true, but it is.
I was 12 yrs old & I was raped, by a stranger, on my way home one summer's evening. I don't want to talk about what exactly happened in detail, I never have done & don't think I'm strong enough.
I never told anyone. I went home & kept it secret. It got harder though. As a result of the rape, I fell pregnant. I was 12 yrs old, please remember this detail as you read my story. I was pregnant & still never told a soul. I ended up losing the baby, miscarrying at 12 weeks 6 days. At the time, horribly, I was relieved. I've never forgiven myself for that.
Now, I'm 19 years old in a few days. I kept my secret for a few years, but finally cracked. Even then though, I only shared it with a few select people I felt I could trust. I never told my family. I think this is because I didn't want to hurt them, which I knew them finding out would.
Over the years, I've suffered from a (mild) eating disorder, self harmed & tried to kill myself a number of times. Never have I been offered any professional help though. It was 6 years ago, & I'm still struggling. I've never dealt with what happened to me. Keeping it all secret for so long, obviously wasn't the most helpful thing I could've done, & I would say has hindered any progress I could've made.
There were a few people I felt I could talk to about how I felt (never exactly what happened), but even that has disappeared for me now, since leaving school. Basically I'm a wreck. An often suicidal wreck.
I don't think I believe in that old saying that time heals everything. For me, time has done nothing but made my wounds grow. I don't know how to get better. I've started to believe that maybe I'm past help, & I never will get better.
I don't know what else to say. Maybe I thought that sharing my story would lighten the weight slightly..I don't know.
by D.on 9 Oct 2004
i was first sexually abused when i was 13. its was the most horrible time of my life. My moms boyfriend would walk in on me when i was in the bathroom and say stuff like you look good with no cloths. I felt like he violated my mind,body,and spirit. When i finally got the strength up to tell my mom, she didnt believe me and i had to go live with my grandmother.About a month later my mother came to her senses and kicked him out. About a year later my mom found herself a new boyfrined and he seemed cool but in the inside he was a monster. when my older brother got locked up(my protector) it started all over again. He started off with little things such as saying stuff but that lead to the big things. One day he came in my room and put in handsa in my pants and started rubbing on me. BY that point i had given up on saying no because everytime i did he would say that he would rape me if i told anyone. Like before when i told my mom she believed him and i had to move out. form that point foward me and my mom have never been close and i stay with my aunt. i now have nightmares and have been to to phsyc. warsd for trying to od.i am 16 and have come to hate my body and soul.
by json 8 Oct 2004
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.