Rape and sexual abuse survivors - Dancing In The Darkness resource for rape and sexual abuse survivors. help and support for rape and sexual abuse survivors
rape and sexual abuse survivors share their thoughts rape is NEVER your fault aftermath of rape and sexual abuse
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Date Rape

Date Rape

In many cases of rape and sexual abuse, the predator is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called Date Rape or Aquaintance Rape. These are the most common type of rape committed.

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Dancing in the Darkness
I was 12 when my brother molested me. It was the in the middle of the night when I woke up with a cold hand on my bottom. I kind of rolled over and startled him and he went out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with something in his hand. I'll never know what it was but i'll always wonder. He kept trying to pull the blankets off me and I just wrapped them tighter. He never knew I was awake. Everytime I stirred he would leave the room only to return a few minutes later carrying whatever it was in his hand. Then I had the most brilliant idea, next time he came in I would pretend to wake up and ask him what he needed. I did and he asked if I had an extra blanket....I'm sure that's what he was after. I quietly slipped out of my room and into my mom's bed after he left that time. What I hadn't planned on was explaining to my mom why I was 12 and sleeping in her bed. After that I began to wonder about all the mornings I had woken up with no underpants on. I never gave it any thought before maybe I took them off in my sleep I always thought....unlikely. The unknown constantly haunts me.
I have no relationship with my brother who is 8 years older than me. We go to family functions together and speak but it doesn't go beyond that.
I'm 21 now and can still feel every muscle in my body tighten when I picture his shadow walking through my open trusting bedroom door with something mysterious in his hand.
by Lizon 7 Nov 2004

I was aquaintance-raped when I was 14. After close to five years of cutting and burning myself and trying to come to terms, I thought at least I was done with one of the most horrible events that's ever happened to me.

I am not here to talk about that - I'm here to talk about this past May of 2004.

In May, I was 19. I was engaged to a man who was in basic training for the U.S. airforce (now, in November of the same year, we're married). He loved ME - physical scars, emotional baggage and all. He knew all about what happened when I was 14, and he was (and is) my crutch, my rock - whatever you want to call it.

I was very depressed when he left for training. The air force has 6 1/2 weeks of BMT. My friends took me to a dance club the week before I was supposed to fly to Texas to see him graduate BMT.
I got pretty drunk there. I started talking to a guy at the bar who said his brother was in the Marines. We shared our stories of missing the person who volunteered, and then I started to walk away, saying that I needed to find my friends.

I didn't realize he was following me.

As I walked past the unisex bathroom, in a very short second he grabbed my arm, pulled me into the bathroom, and closed the door. He started to kiss me, and I kept turning my head away, saying that I was engaged, that I didn't want to do anything with him. He hit me in the face, and then held me against the wall by my neck while he lifted up my skirt and pulled down my underwear. He threw me on the ground onto my stomach, and raped me on a dirty bathroom floor. I screamed, but who could hear me? We were in a club - the music was blasting.

I remember staring into the darkness as I felt him enter me behind me. And that's it.

I "came to" a little bit later. I don't know how long it was. I don't remember anything. I crawled out of the bathroom, and found my friends, and I started crying. They took me home, and called the police. I refused to talk to them. Though after talking to my fiancee on the phone (I had to make an emergency call to the air force base - how EMBARRASSING), he encouraged me to go to the police. I did, and nothing has happened since. No suspect, nothing. I went to the hospital to get an exam before I called the police, and they refused to see me.

I'm proof for anyone who's been raped twice - YOU CAN SURVIVE. Please don't give up. It's so hard, but it's not your fault. Nothing you did or anything you wore or anyone you hung out with was the cause of what happened. It's not YOU, it's your rapist. Goodluck.
by Courtneyon 6 Nov 2004

My name is Samantha and I am a rape surivior. I am 16 and I have been raped 3 times in a little over 2 years. March 2nd, 2004 I was raped by my son's bioloigcal father. (yes, I'm 16 with a child) The worst part about it was my son was in the next room. That day I picked up my little boy and told him that when he was a big boy and began dating when someone says "no" or "stop" that is THAT! I just pray that he heard me. He is now in prison but for raping me he only got 11 months, now what kind of justice is that? I have to live with this for my entire life. In the end of all this, I can honestly say that I do not hate the men that raped me because if I let them see that what they have done has effected me (although it has) they have won. They want to see us in fear of them but WE are the strong ones and WE are the survivors. For everyone out there who is afraid of going to the police, I say in the end you'll be so thankful that you did. Victims will never rest until justice has been served. Bless all those who have had the courage to stand with their head up high and know there is still hope. Anyone is welcomed to e-mail me if they need to talk or just want someone to tell their story to.
by Samanthaon 3 Nov 2004

I was raped at 16.
I went to a party with a few friends of mine. It was the very FIRST time I had ever been drinking and I drank way too much. I went for a walk with a friend of mine and passed out in the woods behind the house. When I came to that "friend" was forcing himself on me.
I was a virgin.
I kept quiet with the exception of a few friends of mine. My parents got a phone call one night from my best friends mom and asked me what had happened. I told them everything.
The next day I was at the police station.
My trial still hasn't come up.
I am now 18.
All the therapy in the world will not help and no matter how many times someone tells me it isn;t my fault I will always feel guilt.
But it really isn't our fault.
But I won't be a victim either.
I went to the police in hopes that this ill not happen to another girl. But in the past year this guy has raped more than two other girls.
I try my best not to let this hol me down. I am living my life and pursuing my dreams and goals. I am a survivor. I am still the same girl I was and I will never let anyone take from me ever again.
by Torion 2 Nov 2004


Hi, my name is Lindsay. I am 18 and attend the UW-Whitewater. To tell you a little about what happened to me, well my oldest brother began raping me when I was 7 years old. He didn't stop raping me until I was 15 years old. Throughout that time period he had raped me over 1,642 times. Besides raping me, he had also forced me to perform oral sex on him. I am no longer in counseling for different reasons. Although I want/need to be in counseling. I just told my parents the end of my senior year of highschool. I have a hard time telling my parents my feelings so they think that I am over it and nothing is wrong with me. I have been asked a couple of times if I was suicidal, and I am not. I just need help.
by Lindsay DeMaraon 1 Nov 2004

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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.

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