I'm not sure where to begin. I was 11 at the time. I was at friend's house; she was mentally ill so while she was older than me, she acted my age. Anyway, Trish's mother had to leave for work so her cousin came to babysit her. He was about 16 then. I had always trusted him, and I loved him like a brother. Trish was getting hungry so I went into the kitchen to find some food. Cody was in there smoking. He smiled at me and asked me if I wanted a cigarette. I said no, he asked me two more times and two more times I said no. He got angry and he grabbed me and pressed me to his body and forced me to smoke. Then he threw me across the room into the concrete wall on the other side, he came over and kicked me a few times. He picked me up and slammed into the ground. then he pinned me against the floor and took my clothes off; he did it and after awhile, an hour or so, I managed to get away from him and I ran all the way home.
I have been hurt, hit, and sexually molested a number of times but this was by far the worst.
by Fading Awayon 4 Apr 2006
I was 20. I started dating Zack my junior year of College. The first time he raped me I was on my way to church. I was deeply religious then and invited him to join me at church every Sunday. I went over to his apartment which was next door to mine. When I got into his apartment he was in his living room typing some forgotten paper for some forgotten English class. All of his roommates had gone to church and he was the only one there. I said that I was on my way to church and that if he hurried he could go with me. I liked that he wasn’t offended when I invited him he usually just said “No thanks” that church wasn’t “his thing”. This Sunday, however he seemed upset by something. Maybe it was the class that he was writing the paper for, maybe I was offending him by inviting him to church, I don’t know. All I knew at the time was that he was upset and that I felt the need to make him feel better. I didn’t want to leave him there feeling bad, especially since I would be gone to church for three plus hours. He didn’t like me going to church he said that I was trying to get away from him. I would often come home between classes if I had any time at all so I could see him or more so he could see me. This day he convinced me to skip church and spend the afternoon with him. We sat on his couch talking with some movie on in the background. I was wearing a pink sundress with a cardigan sweater. He started to kiss me and lay next to me on the couch and I was fine with this. He had made-out before and I enjoyed physical affection. By “made-out” I mean kissing and hugging no touching in private areas. He was trying to put his hand up my skirt and I kept telling him no and putting his hand on my back. He was very aware of my boundaries, I laid them out very clearly and other than him touching my breast a couple of times I had kept to them. But no matter how much I laid down the law he would always test my limits. This day was different he was far more aggressive and I was having a hard time keeping his hands where I was comfortable with them. I finally got up and told him that I was leaving. He promised to be good and I believed him. After I sat back down with him and we started kissing again it happened. He was being aggressive again but this time was different. Usually I could move his hands away and he would let me but this time he wouldn’t let me. He put his hand on my breast and when I tried to move it he wouldn’t budge. I remember him pulling my skirt up and thinking “How do I make this stop?” I was crying at this point. I couldn’t speak I just pulled my knees toward my chest and tried to hold my legs together. In this position he was able to pull my panties off and then he entered me. I cried from the pain. After two or three thrusts he pulled out and I saw the blood of my hymen on his penis. Seeing that, I just gave up. I thought “I’m not a virgin anymore what am I fighting for?” I just let him finish. I was so ashamed. All of my friends at the time were saving themselves for marriage and so was I and now it was all gone. The whole incident played over and over again in my mind and the only thing I thought was that I did fight enough. I pulled my legs up and he must have thought it was an invitation. It was all my fault. After that I lost all sense of self-worth. Zack started hitting me and calling me names and controlling my life and I just let him. I remember him saying things like “If you’d just relax and stop fighting it wouldn’t hurt so much” when he was forcing himself on me. I still blame myself and have told no one this story but I had to get it out there. I don’t know why I’m writing this I just know that if this story lived inside me for any longer it was going to destroy me from the inside.
by miss jon 3 Apr 2006
I was raped. I guess I just needed to admit that. I know it was not my fault but I have trouble dealing with it that way. I hate this feeling. It is terrible.
by Shawnie on 30 Mar 2006
My .story will seem small in comparison but between the ages 8 and 12 I was sexually assaulted by my cousin Jordan. I am now 13. The worst part was that when it wasn't happening I almost wished that it was. I felt used, unloved and alone. I know there are other people like me but I wish I were all alone, then no one would have to feel the pain that I have felt and feel. The first person I confided in was my best friend, Kelsey. She was supportive but didn't really think to much about it. Then I told my friends Corrine and Erin, they both told me that I had to tell one of my school counselors. I wasn't to sure but I decided that as long as my two shining stars were with me, I'd be alright. There was a draw back though. The day I was to talk to my school counselor, Mrs.Hubbard, I accidentally broke my friend Corrines' thumb. So Erin came with me. Mrs. Hubbard was really supportive, but she had to tell my school principal. She didn't say any names though. She told me that I had to tell my parents, and this is where things got tough. I told my parents the day before valentines day. They said I didn't have to speak or be alone with him ever again. Then they said he probably didn't know what he was doing but the thing is he did, they most likely will never be able to accept that..
Jordan ruined my life, but I'm pretty sure I can't let it go. I will never forgive him . At least not yet I'm not ready yet. I haven't got into the dating scene yet but I currently like a really nice guy named Tal.
This part of my life is over and done, I just hope that no one will ever have to experience what I went through ever again. But the world isn't perfect and remember no matter how many bad people there may seem to be ion this planet, there are always more good ones.
by Bonnie on 29 Mar 2006
This is a story that I have waited sixty years to fully tell. From about age seven until I was ten my brother sexually abused me. In one instance he brought two of our male cousins into it. The three of them sexually assaulted me at the same time. There was no one to tell and I knew that no one would believe me so I have stayed quiet all of these years. I married an abusive man and suffered through twenty-one years of marital sexual abuse and rape. I tried to talk about this after I divorced him and his family convinced my children that I was crazy. I am not crazy nor have I ever been crazy. Somehow I have survived. I have also learned that a sister was abused by other people. Sometimes we talk together and this helps but I still have not been able to tell even her about the abuse I suffered at the hands of our brother and cousins. Recently I accidentally met one of the cousins after many years. It really upset me although I concealed it very well.
This forum is something that I needed just to finally tell what its true!
by MaPetiteChloeon 25 Feb 2006
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This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.