The aftermath of child sexual abuse is huge, as we all know. It will affect every aspect of your life. The only good thing about it is, that we can control what we think of ourselves and that is what matters and that will keep us living. Loving yourself is a part of loving God. As a child, I continued to fight the battle of giving in to their wishes and that was to think so low of myself, that i would wither away. I still today have to fight the battle.
I've been going to therapy for a few months trying to work on my "issues" of abuse by my brother. But I feel like I'm frustrating my therapist because I can't seem to make the feeling, that I am a truly evil and horrible person for not trying harder to stop what was happening, go away. I try to reach out and talk, but the few people I have in my life don't understand how strong and painful this feeling is. They just tell me that I'm a good person. Then I end up frustrated and don't understand why they can't see my badness. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has that dark, evil, bad, disgusting feeling inside and what has helped them. Please...any feedback would be appreciated.
I haven't been dating for a year because I feel different from everyone that I hangout with and I am talking to a guy that I would like to date but I tend to push away everyone form me and they don't want to try to help or anything, and I have been sexaully abuse. Is this normal?
I was raped on Labor day weekend this year. Despite how hard I try to forget it, it doesn't go away. I have nightmares, I dropped out of school my freshman year of college because I couldn't concentrate or focus. I sliced my wrist two days after the rape. It had gotten to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore. And somewhere deep inside, I feel as if it didn't happen, it couldn\'t have happened, but it did. Luckily I was able to talk to someone before I thought of doing something stupid again. I didn't tell my family for about a month and a half,and since I had been good at school, they would know something was wrong. Everyday I wake up with tears in my eyes from the nightmares that the rape brought forth. I try not to be alone, and if I am, I always look around. Sometimes I see his car, and I just feel so much hatred, toward him. Then the hate turns to me,"its my fault, I shouldn't have drunk anything". But I did drink and maybe all this pain is my fault.
I am often curious about the mother fu**er's mind. [mother fuc*er refers to perpetrator] who gets hot over little girls and boys... No one wants to explore the repercussions and their effects upon us. For instance, how about all the times we instigated sexual play with our same-sex friends throughout the rest of childhood? Why couldn't I even let my own mother [let alone any man] touch me afterwards?
This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.