"Rape's not something where you just
go, "Well, get over it" or "Believe in love and peace, my child, and it'll all
be over." Well, fuck you, that isn't the answer. It's a great thought, OK, but
you can go and stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love
and peace, but that's not the side I work on. If somebody would talk about it,
or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a
very long time after that before I was able to be with anyone again. And it has
never been the same as it was before"
"Something comes up like bubbles to
the surface, bringing up another part of ourselves that has been silent; that we
were in the dark about. Lurking. Nightmares aren't my favorite thing. I want to
feel safe, period. My soul wants to feel safe not terrorized."
years, I shut down that place inside myself that needed to rage, cry, ask
questions and basically just express herself. I made a conscious choice when I
put 'Me and a Gun' on the record not to stay a victim anymore."
thing I want to be known as is 'The Girl Who Got Raped'. The big turn around you
make in your head is from victim to survivor."
"You can't change what
happened. And nobody's asking you to forgive. But you can't associate all men
"It's about realizing, painfully, you've kept that voice
inside yourself, locked away from even yourself. And you step back and see that
your jailer has changed faces. You realize you've become your own
"A lot of times you shut off your whole heart off from your
experience -- you close the door, and you wither and die. My hope is that the
RAINN hotline can be a bridge to the next step."
"I'm doing this so that
people who feel at 21 their lives are over, or they don't know how to have an
intimate relationship, that they can be beautiful again."
"The idea is to
rescue myself from the role of a victim. That I have a choice left. Though I
can't change what has happened, I can choose how to react. And I don't want to
spend the rest of my life being bitter and locked up."
"People out there
must be told about the self-loathing that follows rape and how it's the greatest
breakage in divine law to mutilate themselves, as I have done."
decide whether you look at your reality or live pretending these feelings don't
"You have to crawl into the wounds to discover what your fears
are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin."
"I started to
accept the mess I'm in. I know that mess spelled backwards is ssem and I felt
much better armed with that information."
"I think you have to know who
you are, get to know the monster that lives in your soul, dive deep into your
soul and explore it."
"I see the dream and I see the nightmare, and I
believe you can't have the dream without the nightmare."
"I think that
the nightmares are telling me things about myself that I need to know. And I try
to understand what they mean, so I can get to know something more about my
"Anger is healthy, but out of balance if it doesn't have
"I am finding that vulnerability gives me great strength,
because you're not hiding anymore."
This site is offered for support of other survivors, it is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. I don't have any qualifications or training in therapy, I am by no means a professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this web site, use of content, or content of any links leading from this site. If you are in a crisis situation I urge you to contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional.